Mary really didn’t want to go to the dentist. In fact, she kept coming up with every excuse not to go. The weather certainly posed a threat to life and limb and certainly going to the dentist even more so. She laughed to herself at the silliness of her fears. Her husband wasn’t helping much because when she suggested to him maybe there was nothing wrong, after all there was no pain, he insisted she go. Just do it and do it afraid, had been one woman speaker’s suggestion.
Thinking on this Mary had shoveled off her car, backed out of the driveway, and driven down the street slowly as it was quite a mess out there. All the cars were moving at a snail’s pace. The new covering of white stuff blanketed the existing mounds of snow. Cars were parked wherever they could as the plows hadn’t been around to remove the last snow that filled all the parking spaces. People dressed in heavy parkas, big mitts and heavy boots lifted their legs over the embankments and moved slowly around precariously parked cars.
“What on earth am I doing going to the dentist?” Mary thought. Even though the dentist was only two blocks away Mary was still trying to weasel her way out of going. Despite this last attempt Mary suddenly found herself safely at the dentist office.
It all happened so quickly! Mary had been in shock when she left! Mary couldn’t believe what transpired. It was truly amazing! By now, you the reader are quite curious and asking yourself what did happen to Mary. Well, I shall tell you.
Mary had walked in, perched herself in a waiting room chair, and within a minute or so the dental assistant had welcomed Mary into the office. She sat Mary down in the long, white dental chair. Mary had no time to get nervous. She should have been because the new dentist she was seeing was only 33 years old! The nurse seemed to think this was not young but Mary had been 33 years old and had memories of her own shortcomings at that age.
However, there was no time to think about anything. The young professional, using modern equipment took a picture of her tooth with his little camera and put it up on the screen for them to look at. This was amazing in itself because she didn’t have to undergo an x-ray nor endure the potential radioactive threat attached to this procedure. This was modern medicine. Mary realized maybe it was a good thing the dentist was a little younger.
Smiling a big Cheshire smile Mary’s thin, 5 foot 3, dimpled dentist indicated there was a crack and they needed to fix it before the tooth broke away. However, before Mary had time to indicate that she might like to have the tooth frozen this confident little man initiated the procedure by proceeding to put a drill into her mouth and to cut away and smooth down the area he was mending. Mary, with her mouth opened, couldn’t do anything but let him proceed! In the past, despite a tooth having a root canal, Mary had never let anyone do a filling without freezing it. This was a first for Mary! Everything happened so speedily that in less than a half hour Mary was in and out of the dental chair. She was elated and told the young man that his confidence and speed had amazed her.
Driving home Mary realized two things. One was that she had taken a step of faith and just gone to the dentist afraid. Secondly, that God had answered her prayer and it had not been a major surgery that transpired! Mary had gone in faith and felt so blessed. Remarkably, Mary knew that in all the other issues she faced she needed to take just simple steps of faith whether it be going back to the old food bank, phoning a contractor, or even in dealing with her physical problems. Whatever she faced Mary knew she must just go forward and do the next thing at hand and see where it led. Of course, for Mary this meant facing her fears. They included increased debt in regards to the house, physical pain if what ailed her was worse than she thought, or the possibility of rejection if she went back to the food bank. However, after this morning’s awesome experience Mary realized she had to “just do it”. So just do it, she would! Thinking back again over what had happened Mary laughed to herself how easy it had all been. “It had been God’s grace!” Mary exclaimed to no one in particular.
And that’s what it was dear reader: grace, simply grace in action, as one faithful soul did what was at hand to do. What about you? Does Mary’s story intrigue you, egg you on, or will you fear to do what is obviously at hand? The answer is simple: just do it, dear friend, - and do it afraid, if need be!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Waiting and Deciding
Hopeful spring had sprung its wings and flown south again, or so it seemed to Mary. For over a week snow fall after snow fall had shattered her hopes for a change in the season. Her pretty Robin had disappeared and most of the birds had become silent in the enveloping snow.
Life had taken a turn though. It seemed Mary’s time at the food bank was at an end. Due to the circumstances it seemed the right thing to do. Oddly, at the very moment she contemplated leaving one of the women who she had volunteered with at the other food bank had come up to her at church and shared how much she missed her being there. Crystal was a very beautiful woman and like her name everything she said was crystal clear with no hint of deception behind her words. Mary had not made much of the conversation until she shared with Diane, her friend and mentor, about what had happened at the mission and Robin’s suggestion he didn’t want Mary there anymore. Diane, always a very forthright person asked, ”Well, does that mean you are coming back to our food bank? “
Mary had smiled a big smile and indicated that Crystal, a few days earlier, had encouraged Mary to return back with her warm invitation of love. Mary had been tempted. However, she did not know if she should go back. Was this God’s direction? Mary wasn’t sure. She didn’t know how she fit in and didn’t believe in going backwards.
However, other complications arose during this time to draw Mary away from rushing back to the food bank. Mary had recently felt pain in her private parts. Not wanting to go to a doctor again so soon after her last visit she had gone and self-medicated with some Canesten Cream. It was a one day procedure which left Mary uncomfortable the following day as it burned as the cream left her body. The day after this Mary suddenly couldn’t stop urinating or at least she felt like she had to urinate. To Mary this was a warning sign that she might have a bladder infection or something worse.
The following morning Mary went to the walk in clinic. Just her luck her own private practitioner was on duty that day! After the second long wait in the last two weeks at a doctor’s office Mary finally got into to see her physician. After a short conversation Doctor Lovell felt they should take care of the bladder infection for that is what the urine test suggested. He indicated that if the discomfort and bloatedness that Mary had been feeling around the area above her vagina did not go away with the antibiotics they would do a “culture”.
It was now two days later and the discomfort of the pressure and frequency with her urination had all but gone. The doctor had given her three pills which were knocking out anything that might be there. Mary hoped this was the end to the problem. She would know if the discomfort in her vagina was still there the next time she and Robin made love. For now she was holding off just in case their love making irritated it even more. Just like spring’s delay there was a sense of postponement to Mary’s well-being.
Mary had been faithful to take her cholesterol pills, not quite so faithful with exercising, and until last night had been constant in watching what she ate. However, she had such a craving for chocolate and salty stuff. It began with her husband’s decision to go to the store for some cream. He had asked an innocent question; was there anything Mary wanted at the store. Poor Robin was sent on a difficult task: to find some chocolate without cholesterol in it. He managed to find some with a low count but Mary hadn’t really cared what percentage of cholesterol the chocolate contained. She had opened the bag at the kitchen counter while brewing tea. Her intention was to have her tea with the candy. Mary had gobbled down half the bag by the time her drink was ready! Afterwards she felt very disgusted with herself especially when she had eaten a quarter of a bag of a salty snack Robin brought her, as well! Though it had no cholesterol it was very high in fat and salt. Both things were bad for her, she knew that.
Was Mary feeling a little defeated? If that had of been her first diet and her first failure, she might have been. But after so many years of going off the deep end she knew there was always tomorrow. Besides this Mary had a deep sense of faith in God and His second chances, and his third and fourth!
She got up the next morning with a new sense of determination, repented of her sin, and decided she better throw the temptations out. Mary knew she could not even have these goodies in the house because if there she would eat them. That was a fact.
Mary decided to get on with the day and on with second chances and through the windows curtains aside to see what the world had to offer. It was looking pretty wintery out there with a fresh snow fall and a bitter north wind drifting the snow around her car. It had almost disappeared in the fresh blanket.
Her day would consist of going to the dentist to check on a tooth that seemed a little rough around the edges. Mary didn’t know if this was new or if it had always been like that. She had just discovered it when she had gotten a piece of candy stuck in it and tried to pry it out. Now she had to go to the dentist. It was the fruits of her latest endeavors! “Ugh”, she moaned to herself, she hated dentists so.
Despite the impending dentist’s visit Mary had still other things on her mind. Besides wanting to paint and re-do the kitchen, pave the front drive, and numerous others things some attention had to be paid to the house and its energy efficiency. Last month’s electric bill had been $553!
So this week, an energy advisor had come to their house and investigated where the energy losses were. Mary knew: they were everywhere! However, Mary’s opinion was not enough to get rebates for insulation and other fix ups that the house badly needed to run more efficiently. After an extensive search by Scotland Yard, her Mr. Holmes had come up with the same summation as Mary: it was everywhere!
After the consultant left Mary read over the material in the folders and was overwhelmed at all that needed to be done. Despite future rebates coming back in two to three months they would have to pay out of their pocket in the meantime. Mary thought to herself: and what if the government chose not to pay because more work needed to be done or some other excuse? What then? What was worse was that the basement walls were bulging and leaking. This meant there were “structural problems” according to one of the pamphlets!
Now what? Did they call a contractor and have him come and estimate how much it would cost to fix the basement? Mary knew that wouldn’t be cheap as the basement had been dug out from a crawl space to house a furnace. It was not a pretty sight. Until Robin had put in sturdy stairs it had been almost impossible to go down there on the rough- in’s built out of pieces of jagged and broken boards. It was cold, dusty, and musty. Anything she had stored down there had to be thrown out –especially fabrics or clothes. As a result, it served little purpose other than to contain the furnace and its duct work.
Neither Mary nor Robin knew what to do at this point as half the money her ex had sent her was gone on paying visa and other charge cards as well as paying this advisor and some other overdue bills. Should they just leave the work; for it seemed they really needed to deal with the basement before they even put any insulation down there? It was one of the leakiest places with cold air coming through the cracking walls and seeping up through the floors. They could not really insulate until the foundation was fixed. If they did the insulating it might be undermined by some future emergency with the precarious foundational situation. So nothing had been done.
It seemed for the present Mary was waiting; waiting to see if her bladder infection was all that was wrong, waiting to see if eating better would change her cholesterol and have a positive effect on her heart. Mary and life seemed in suspended animation. That was okay. Perhaps, Mary thought to herself, this is all about being patient. Spring was coming; there was no doubt about that. Despite what she saw outside the change in season was going to happen. Like everything else in her life right now Mary needed faith. She had to look past the obvious and trust God was at work on her behalf. After all, didn’t it say, “all things work together for good for those who trust God and are called”? Yep, it sure did. However, Mary knew trusting meant taking steps of faith.
So despite the delay in weather, in health and in doing any work on the house, it was okay. Even making the decision whether or not Mary should go back to the old food bank could wait. God would show Himself in each situation. Time would tell. All it took was looking up at Him beyond the problems. God was on her side. In each situation He would provide an answer and a way out. God always had been there. She would trust Him once more for that was what it was all about.
Mary took another look out the window at what she saw. She closed the drapes quickly to keep out the cold drafts. Spring was coming and soon the answers and solutions to her problems. All she needed to do was take whatever step of faith God called her to.
“And that was that”, Mary said to herself. With that Mary realized she must release these burdens into His loving arms. Tomorrow was another day and today had enough worries of its own. In the meantime, Mary would live in the moment. Right now that meant getting dressed and taking the dogs out and then going to the dreaded dentist! Everything would be okay. Her life was in His hands.
Life had taken a turn though. It seemed Mary’s time at the food bank was at an end. Due to the circumstances it seemed the right thing to do. Oddly, at the very moment she contemplated leaving one of the women who she had volunteered with at the other food bank had come up to her at church and shared how much she missed her being there. Crystal was a very beautiful woman and like her name everything she said was crystal clear with no hint of deception behind her words. Mary had not made much of the conversation until she shared with Diane, her friend and mentor, about what had happened at the mission and Robin’s suggestion he didn’t want Mary there anymore. Diane, always a very forthright person asked, ”Well, does that mean you are coming back to our food bank? “
Mary had smiled a big smile and indicated that Crystal, a few days earlier, had encouraged Mary to return back with her warm invitation of love. Mary had been tempted. However, she did not know if she should go back. Was this God’s direction? Mary wasn’t sure. She didn’t know how she fit in and didn’t believe in going backwards.
However, other complications arose during this time to draw Mary away from rushing back to the food bank. Mary had recently felt pain in her private parts. Not wanting to go to a doctor again so soon after her last visit she had gone and self-medicated with some Canesten Cream. It was a one day procedure which left Mary uncomfortable the following day as it burned as the cream left her body. The day after this Mary suddenly couldn’t stop urinating or at least she felt like she had to urinate. To Mary this was a warning sign that she might have a bladder infection or something worse.
The following morning Mary went to the walk in clinic. Just her luck her own private practitioner was on duty that day! After the second long wait in the last two weeks at a doctor’s office Mary finally got into to see her physician. After a short conversation Doctor Lovell felt they should take care of the bladder infection for that is what the urine test suggested. He indicated that if the discomfort and bloatedness that Mary had been feeling around the area above her vagina did not go away with the antibiotics they would do a “culture”.
It was now two days later and the discomfort of the pressure and frequency with her urination had all but gone. The doctor had given her three pills which were knocking out anything that might be there. Mary hoped this was the end to the problem. She would know if the discomfort in her vagina was still there the next time she and Robin made love. For now she was holding off just in case their love making irritated it even more. Just like spring’s delay there was a sense of postponement to Mary’s well-being.
Mary had been faithful to take her cholesterol pills, not quite so faithful with exercising, and until last night had been constant in watching what she ate. However, she had such a craving for chocolate and salty stuff. It began with her husband’s decision to go to the store for some cream. He had asked an innocent question; was there anything Mary wanted at the store. Poor Robin was sent on a difficult task: to find some chocolate without cholesterol in it. He managed to find some with a low count but Mary hadn’t really cared what percentage of cholesterol the chocolate contained. She had opened the bag at the kitchen counter while brewing tea. Her intention was to have her tea with the candy. Mary had gobbled down half the bag by the time her drink was ready! Afterwards she felt very disgusted with herself especially when she had eaten a quarter of a bag of a salty snack Robin brought her, as well! Though it had no cholesterol it was very high in fat and salt. Both things were bad for her, she knew that.
Was Mary feeling a little defeated? If that had of been her first diet and her first failure, she might have been. But after so many years of going off the deep end she knew there was always tomorrow. Besides this Mary had a deep sense of faith in God and His second chances, and his third and fourth!
She got up the next morning with a new sense of determination, repented of her sin, and decided she better throw the temptations out. Mary knew she could not even have these goodies in the house because if there she would eat them. That was a fact.
Mary decided to get on with the day and on with second chances and through the windows curtains aside to see what the world had to offer. It was looking pretty wintery out there with a fresh snow fall and a bitter north wind drifting the snow around her car. It had almost disappeared in the fresh blanket.
Her day would consist of going to the dentist to check on a tooth that seemed a little rough around the edges. Mary didn’t know if this was new or if it had always been like that. She had just discovered it when she had gotten a piece of candy stuck in it and tried to pry it out. Now she had to go to the dentist. It was the fruits of her latest endeavors! “Ugh”, she moaned to herself, she hated dentists so.
Despite the impending dentist’s visit Mary had still other things on her mind. Besides wanting to paint and re-do the kitchen, pave the front drive, and numerous others things some attention had to be paid to the house and its energy efficiency. Last month’s electric bill had been $553!
So this week, an energy advisor had come to their house and investigated where the energy losses were. Mary knew: they were everywhere! However, Mary’s opinion was not enough to get rebates for insulation and other fix ups that the house badly needed to run more efficiently. After an extensive search by Scotland Yard, her Mr. Holmes had come up with the same summation as Mary: it was everywhere!
After the consultant left Mary read over the material in the folders and was overwhelmed at all that needed to be done. Despite future rebates coming back in two to three months they would have to pay out of their pocket in the meantime. Mary thought to herself: and what if the government chose not to pay because more work needed to be done or some other excuse? What then? What was worse was that the basement walls were bulging and leaking. This meant there were “structural problems” according to one of the pamphlets!
Now what? Did they call a contractor and have him come and estimate how much it would cost to fix the basement? Mary knew that wouldn’t be cheap as the basement had been dug out from a crawl space to house a furnace. It was not a pretty sight. Until Robin had put in sturdy stairs it had been almost impossible to go down there on the rough- in’s built out of pieces of jagged and broken boards. It was cold, dusty, and musty. Anything she had stored down there had to be thrown out –especially fabrics or clothes. As a result, it served little purpose other than to contain the furnace and its duct work.
Neither Mary nor Robin knew what to do at this point as half the money her ex had sent her was gone on paying visa and other charge cards as well as paying this advisor and some other overdue bills. Should they just leave the work; for it seemed they really needed to deal with the basement before they even put any insulation down there? It was one of the leakiest places with cold air coming through the cracking walls and seeping up through the floors. They could not really insulate until the foundation was fixed. If they did the insulating it might be undermined by some future emergency with the precarious foundational situation. So nothing had been done.
It seemed for the present Mary was waiting; waiting to see if her bladder infection was all that was wrong, waiting to see if eating better would change her cholesterol and have a positive effect on her heart. Mary and life seemed in suspended animation. That was okay. Perhaps, Mary thought to herself, this is all about being patient. Spring was coming; there was no doubt about that. Despite what she saw outside the change in season was going to happen. Like everything else in her life right now Mary needed faith. She had to look past the obvious and trust God was at work on her behalf. After all, didn’t it say, “all things work together for good for those who trust God and are called”? Yep, it sure did. However, Mary knew trusting meant taking steps of faith.
So despite the delay in weather, in health and in doing any work on the house, it was okay. Even making the decision whether or not Mary should go back to the old food bank could wait. God would show Himself in each situation. Time would tell. All it took was looking up at Him beyond the problems. God was on her side. In each situation He would provide an answer and a way out. God always had been there. She would trust Him once more for that was what it was all about.
Mary took another look out the window at what she saw. She closed the drapes quickly to keep out the cold drafts. Spring was coming and soon the answers and solutions to her problems. All she needed to do was take whatever step of faith God called her to.
“And that was that”, Mary said to herself. With that Mary realized she must release these burdens into His loving arms. Tomorrow was another day and today had enough worries of its own. In the meantime, Mary would live in the moment. Right now that meant getting dressed and taking the dogs out and then going to the dreaded dentist! Everything would be okay. Her life was in His hands.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Hope Springs Eternal
Mary stood in her sunroom enjoying her paintings as the sun caught their colours flowing through each window pane. She loved this time of day when each painting on glass was at its best. As she gazed upon them enjoying the warmth of the early morning sun she caught the familiar sound of an old friend she hadn’t heard from in a while. It was the harbinger of spring, the Robin. He was back and in her big berry tree out front where he came every year to build his home. Oh how she loved the sights and sounds of the little family that grew there!
Mary dressed herself and her dogs for their morning trek. It was so bright and cheery and Mary was delighted to see and hear the coo of the brown Morning Dove as well as a big bright Blue jay . The final smile to her face was brought by the coupling of two brown sparrows conceptualizing their love for one another in late winter’s snow. Ah! Spring was in the air!
It had been a tough couple of winter weeks filled with anticipation and fears. Following the news that her ex-husband was going to send her money, Mary began having chest and arm pains. It started at a local Wal-Mart. The pain had become so great she had to take her coat off and have her husband hold her purse. Both seemed unbearably heavy. The pain lasted for a few days resulting in a hurried visit to the walk-in clinic where Mary met a wonderful doctor who seemed to have experienced everything she had felt and was going through!
Mary had left his office with a prescription for nitroglycerin and tears in her eyes feeling deep gratitude that God had sent her someone who had identified with her in her suffering. That week Mary went for blood work and a stress test. The emotional upheaval during all this time was combated by the constant and faithful attention of her husband, Robin, who went with her for her stress test.
The results that came back only confirmed what Mary knew: she had very high cholesterol and possible angina. She was now faced with dieting, walking more and taking cholesterol pills! Because there had been many diets in the past Mary had run out of steam a long time ago. The only thing that was different this time was she was motivated for her life! Well, God had asked her if she wanted healing and if she would let him do whatever it takes. She figured this was it.
The doctor’s diagnosis and the resulting changes to her diet brought a sense of relief to Mary. It wasn’t that she was any better but she could now work on feeling better. The sight of the birds and the bright morning sun added to her cheer. Oddly, the thing that should have brought the greatest joy arrived in the mail without any fanfare. Mary had opened the envelope the mailman brought containing four checks dated one week apart. Disappointedly there had only been a note from her accountant, nothing from her ex. But why should there be? He didn’t owe her anything. To Mary the checks were another harbinger that the past was past and Peter, her ex, had kept his promise. They could both close the door to that chapter of their life.
It didn’t take long before her present situation reminded of this present stage of life. Oddly, the difficulty began with an argument with her present husband which started on Valentine’s Day, of all days! Robin and Mary had exchanged gifts but Mary had been disappointed at what Robin had bought for her. Despite going to church, despite singing and praising God Mary could not feel any better. After church Mary had gotten so angry that she had to go for a ride because she couldn’t face Robin. However, Mary realized just how angry she was, not at Robin, but herself. Why? Because Mary was 56 and felt her behavior was not very mature. “When would she grow up”she said to herself. As a result, she spent the better part of an hour just driving and praying and crying out to God. The drive had been good therapy. Mary had wanted to speak the truth to Robin but knew she had to speak the truth in love. Too many times tactless words had caused her grief with him and others. Too many times she had said nothing to avoid causing anymore grief. However, she knew if her marriage was to be healthy she needed to share what bothered her.
Mary came back home after her drive. Mary was able to speak out and she knew the grace of God had blessed her with strength and courage to say what needed to be said – and yes, with love. Robin, for his part, opened up to Mary like he had never done before. It was the most wonderful moment for Mary. Mary had told Robin that communication was like sex for a woman. That was the best sex she had ever had! The past was past but Mary realized she wished she had learned to confront in this healthy way in her past. However, it didn’t matter now. What mattered was today.
Mary knew she could not change yesterday but only the moment. This opportunity to confront did not end with Robin because it was immediately followed up with a need to reprove the leader at the food bank. Something unsavory had caught Mary’s eye going on at the food bank. It was a delicate subject.
It was one Mary checked herself on: who was she to speak up, wasn’t she judging? Mary had only volunteered her for a few months and felt new. However, the morning’s reading from Leviticus 19:17 had suggested you should “confront your neighbors directly so you will not be held guilty for their crimes”. The various translations she read through indicated to Mary that you were as guilty as the offender of the sin if you did not say anything to them!
After a good long walk of prayer and praise Mary had interrupted her jaunt to stop at the food bank. Tim was there and she drew him aside. Tim was obliging and offered Mary a seat in his office. Mary was grateful that Tim was a humble man willing to listen and deal with the situation. She admired and respected him greatly for all he had achieved and she told him so. Mary was relieved to learn that she was not the first one to approach Tim about the problem she witnessed. He had heard it before from someone who had quit without telling him. He had heard about it after the fact! This relief was combined with a gratitude from having talked to her husband about this because he had drawn a line for her between rebuking someone and correcting them. Her role was not to correct the situation just point it out.
Carrying this in her heart had been a powerful tool to allow Tim to see it was up to him to deal with it and being the wise man that he was Mary knew he could do it. There talk ended with Mary giving Tim a hug and Tim, for his part, indicating he would deal with the situation. As Mary walked the rest of her way home she reflected on what a difference speaking the truth in love made. Instead of remaining silent as she had in her first marriage and so often with many people Mary realized the mature thing was to speak up. Would it have changed things in her past if she had of spoken up? Mary realized she didn’t know and didn’t care. Although Mary knew about speaking the truth in love back then she had not the mature ability to carry it out at that time. It was okay. It was not meant to be. What was past was past. Some revelations and abilities we get now, Mary realized, were not for our past. She knew God had her here for a purpose. She would not be here perhaps if she had of communicated differently.
With great remorse Mary knew now that much of the problems with her first husband were because she had remained silent. They call it being “passive aggressive”. How that must of drove her first husband crazy because she saw the same behavior in her second husband! She knew how it infuriated her when she received the silent treatment! What goes around comes around, Mary though, amused at her situation. However, Mary knew and was confident that as God had redeemed so many things in her life she was redeeming her of this. It would take more of the hard work of speaking in love but she could do it. Robin proved he could too! They would do it! Hope rose in her heart that had been ignited by the first Robin of the season and now through her very own Robin.
“Oh how I love spring,” Mary said excitedly to herself. Hope always springs eternal, she thought. Yes and this was spring, for sure. Then smiling, Mary lifted her ear once again to hear the Robin singing to her with his own unique dialect. Mary felt a deep sense of awareness – it was all about the dialog of love, like hers and Robins. This was no clanging cymbal! It was one of the three things that would endure – faith, hope and love!
Mary dressed herself and her dogs for their morning trek. It was so bright and cheery and Mary was delighted to see and hear the coo of the brown Morning Dove as well as a big bright Blue jay . The final smile to her face was brought by the coupling of two brown sparrows conceptualizing their love for one another in late winter’s snow. Ah! Spring was in the air!
It had been a tough couple of winter weeks filled with anticipation and fears. Following the news that her ex-husband was going to send her money, Mary began having chest and arm pains. It started at a local Wal-Mart. The pain had become so great she had to take her coat off and have her husband hold her purse. Both seemed unbearably heavy. The pain lasted for a few days resulting in a hurried visit to the walk-in clinic where Mary met a wonderful doctor who seemed to have experienced everything she had felt and was going through!
Mary had left his office with a prescription for nitroglycerin and tears in her eyes feeling deep gratitude that God had sent her someone who had identified with her in her suffering. That week Mary went for blood work and a stress test. The emotional upheaval during all this time was combated by the constant and faithful attention of her husband, Robin, who went with her for her stress test.
The results that came back only confirmed what Mary knew: she had very high cholesterol and possible angina. She was now faced with dieting, walking more and taking cholesterol pills! Because there had been many diets in the past Mary had run out of steam a long time ago. The only thing that was different this time was she was motivated for her life! Well, God had asked her if she wanted healing and if she would let him do whatever it takes. She figured this was it.
The doctor’s diagnosis and the resulting changes to her diet brought a sense of relief to Mary. It wasn’t that she was any better but she could now work on feeling better. The sight of the birds and the bright morning sun added to her cheer. Oddly, the thing that should have brought the greatest joy arrived in the mail without any fanfare. Mary had opened the envelope the mailman brought containing four checks dated one week apart. Disappointedly there had only been a note from her accountant, nothing from her ex. But why should there be? He didn’t owe her anything. To Mary the checks were another harbinger that the past was past and Peter, her ex, had kept his promise. They could both close the door to that chapter of their life.
It didn’t take long before her present situation reminded of this present stage of life. Oddly, the difficulty began with an argument with her present husband which started on Valentine’s Day, of all days! Robin and Mary had exchanged gifts but Mary had been disappointed at what Robin had bought for her. Despite going to church, despite singing and praising God Mary could not feel any better. After church Mary had gotten so angry that she had to go for a ride because she couldn’t face Robin. However, Mary realized just how angry she was, not at Robin, but herself. Why? Because Mary was 56 and felt her behavior was not very mature. “When would she grow up”she said to herself. As a result, she spent the better part of an hour just driving and praying and crying out to God. The drive had been good therapy. Mary had wanted to speak the truth to Robin but knew she had to speak the truth in love. Too many times tactless words had caused her grief with him and others. Too many times she had said nothing to avoid causing anymore grief. However, she knew if her marriage was to be healthy she needed to share what bothered her.
Mary came back home after her drive. Mary was able to speak out and she knew the grace of God had blessed her with strength and courage to say what needed to be said – and yes, with love. Robin, for his part, opened up to Mary like he had never done before. It was the most wonderful moment for Mary. Mary had told Robin that communication was like sex for a woman. That was the best sex she had ever had! The past was past but Mary realized she wished she had learned to confront in this healthy way in her past. However, it didn’t matter now. What mattered was today.
Mary knew she could not change yesterday but only the moment. This opportunity to confront did not end with Robin because it was immediately followed up with a need to reprove the leader at the food bank. Something unsavory had caught Mary’s eye going on at the food bank. It was a delicate subject.
It was one Mary checked herself on: who was she to speak up, wasn’t she judging? Mary had only volunteered her for a few months and felt new. However, the morning’s reading from Leviticus 19:17 had suggested you should “confront your neighbors directly so you will not be held guilty for their crimes”. The various translations she read through indicated to Mary that you were as guilty as the offender of the sin if you did not say anything to them!
After a good long walk of prayer and praise Mary had interrupted her jaunt to stop at the food bank. Tim was there and she drew him aside. Tim was obliging and offered Mary a seat in his office. Mary was grateful that Tim was a humble man willing to listen and deal with the situation. She admired and respected him greatly for all he had achieved and she told him so. Mary was relieved to learn that she was not the first one to approach Tim about the problem she witnessed. He had heard it before from someone who had quit without telling him. He had heard about it after the fact! This relief was combined with a gratitude from having talked to her husband about this because he had drawn a line for her between rebuking someone and correcting them. Her role was not to correct the situation just point it out.
Carrying this in her heart had been a powerful tool to allow Tim to see it was up to him to deal with it and being the wise man that he was Mary knew he could do it. There talk ended with Mary giving Tim a hug and Tim, for his part, indicating he would deal with the situation. As Mary walked the rest of her way home she reflected on what a difference speaking the truth in love made. Instead of remaining silent as she had in her first marriage and so often with many people Mary realized the mature thing was to speak up. Would it have changed things in her past if she had of spoken up? Mary realized she didn’t know and didn’t care. Although Mary knew about speaking the truth in love back then she had not the mature ability to carry it out at that time. It was okay. It was not meant to be. What was past was past. Some revelations and abilities we get now, Mary realized, were not for our past. She knew God had her here for a purpose. She would not be here perhaps if she had of communicated differently.
With great remorse Mary knew now that much of the problems with her first husband were because she had remained silent. They call it being “passive aggressive”. How that must of drove her first husband crazy because she saw the same behavior in her second husband! She knew how it infuriated her when she received the silent treatment! What goes around comes around, Mary though, amused at her situation. However, Mary knew and was confident that as God had redeemed so many things in her life she was redeeming her of this. It would take more of the hard work of speaking in love but she could do it. Robin proved he could too! They would do it! Hope rose in her heart that had been ignited by the first Robin of the season and now through her very own Robin.
“Oh how I love spring,” Mary said excitedly to herself. Hope always springs eternal, she thought. Yes and this was spring, for sure. Then smiling, Mary lifted her ear once again to hear the Robin singing to her with his own unique dialect. Mary felt a deep sense of awareness – it was all about the dialog of love, like hers and Robins. This was no clanging cymbal! It was one of the three things that would endure – faith, hope and love!
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Fitful Night
Mary had been up all night. Her left arm had throbbed and pained her to the point of keeping her awake. She had gotten up two or three times and finally went downstairs to get the nitroglycerin. However, she did not use it. She felt if the pain in her chest had of reoccurred she would have dispensed some. Her husband, Robin, had lay there sound asleep through the whole event. Mary felt alone.
That feeling brought back memories of her mother. Why, you might ask? Before Mary’s mother passed away her mother had 3 prayers that she prayed. Mary had an awesome witness of her mother’s faith when she saw that God had answered all three prayers. One of these petitions was that someone would be with her when she died. Mary delighted that God had answered this prayer. Mary had been a witness to her mother’s departure from this life. She had not been alone.
Now, ten years later, Mary realized why her mother had prayed thusly. Mary, herself, had experienced being alone. Mary knew she should have awakened her husband. Unfortunately, Mary wasn’t sure if all this pain was her heart or not or if it was serious enough to warrant waking Robin up. Mary didn’t know if she should only take the spray when both arm and heart hurt or just if her heart pained her.
Handling this situation alone was not the first time Mary felt so isolated dealing with a problem. Way back years ago when she had returned to university after so many years away Mary had to grapple with gaining a degree on her own. She knew what it felt to be alone then. She recalled walking through the halls of York University encompassed by the press of the crowds and the hum of people’s voices mixed together yet feeling totally isolated amongst it all.
Now she knew why her mother prayed her prayer. It was not a nice feeling. Mary realized she had brought about her own isolation last night. She had not wanted to bother Robin. Perhaps she should have. Now here Mary sat, wearied from the night’s events, and her arm throbbing ever so slightly. How would she get through the stress test today? Ugh, what a thought! During the long night the story of a King in the Old Testament came to mind. He was told he was going to die. King Hezekiah had petitioned God and God answered his prayer and he was allowed to live 15 more years! Like Mary’s mother his faith and prayers got him through.
Mary questioned herself: did she want to pray to get better? The questioned begged another: Was she willing to sacrifice? Mary knew she would possibly have to give up all those goodies that made her overweight and increased her (no doubt) cholesterol levels? In the long run, Mary thought to herself, we are all alone. We must face our Maker on our own. No one could join us. Yet was she ready to go? Mary felt she had a lot to live for – if it was possible that all she desired deep in her heart could be fulfilled. As well, God had given her such a wonderful husband who loved her and blessed her every day. She was just getting to know him and trust him after these 7 years of marriage.
Despite the wonderful gift of her husband Mary still struggled with all the questions she faced.
It was a tough issue to resolve and the questions remained unanswered. She would go to the stress test today and see what happened. Perhaps that event would help Mary to see if this was serious enough to event warrant praying for deliverance. Mary left her pensive moment and travelled the upper stairs to dress. Only time would tell, only time…
That feeling brought back memories of her mother. Why, you might ask? Before Mary’s mother passed away her mother had 3 prayers that she prayed. Mary had an awesome witness of her mother’s faith when she saw that God had answered all three prayers. One of these petitions was that someone would be with her when she died. Mary delighted that God had answered this prayer. Mary had been a witness to her mother’s departure from this life. She had not been alone.
Now, ten years later, Mary realized why her mother had prayed thusly. Mary, herself, had experienced being alone. Mary knew she should have awakened her husband. Unfortunately, Mary wasn’t sure if all this pain was her heart or not or if it was serious enough to warrant waking Robin up. Mary didn’t know if she should only take the spray when both arm and heart hurt or just if her heart pained her.
Handling this situation alone was not the first time Mary felt so isolated dealing with a problem. Way back years ago when she had returned to university after so many years away Mary had to grapple with gaining a degree on her own. She knew what it felt to be alone then. She recalled walking through the halls of York University encompassed by the press of the crowds and the hum of people’s voices mixed together yet feeling totally isolated amongst it all.
Now she knew why her mother prayed her prayer. It was not a nice feeling. Mary realized she had brought about her own isolation last night. She had not wanted to bother Robin. Perhaps she should have. Now here Mary sat, wearied from the night’s events, and her arm throbbing ever so slightly. How would she get through the stress test today? Ugh, what a thought! During the long night the story of a King in the Old Testament came to mind. He was told he was going to die. King Hezekiah had petitioned God and God answered his prayer and he was allowed to live 15 more years! Like Mary’s mother his faith and prayers got him through.
Mary questioned herself: did she want to pray to get better? The questioned begged another: Was she willing to sacrifice? Mary knew she would possibly have to give up all those goodies that made her overweight and increased her (no doubt) cholesterol levels? In the long run, Mary thought to herself, we are all alone. We must face our Maker on our own. No one could join us. Yet was she ready to go? Mary felt she had a lot to live for – if it was possible that all she desired deep in her heart could be fulfilled. As well, God had given her such a wonderful husband who loved her and blessed her every day. She was just getting to know him and trust him after these 7 years of marriage.
Despite the wonderful gift of her husband Mary still struggled with all the questions she faced.
It was a tough issue to resolve and the questions remained unanswered. She would go to the stress test today and see what happened. Perhaps that event would help Mary to see if this was serious enough to event warrant praying for deliverance. Mary left her pensive moment and travelled the upper stairs to dress. Only time would tell, only time…
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Open Doors
It had been a funny week spiritually with God sending Mary little messages here and there with one common theme to them. The message seemed to be: don’t forget your dream. Along with this was a recurring scripture passage from Revelation 3:8 that kept coming which suggested that God was opening a door that no man could close. Oddly, back in August when she left the food bank, Mary had got this communiqué and it seemed time to leave. Mary assumed that when she started helping at the Mission cooking that volunteering there was the answer to this other door opening. So why was she getting this communication again that a door was opening?
As well, to add to the suspense was her ex-husband’s promised money coming soon. She recalled how months ago she estimated that all she needed to start a business was 10,000 dollars. She had forgotten all about that until this morning. Was she to open another store? She thought of her “Second Hand Rose” idea for a name for this store. Was she to rent a store and go ahead with this idea? Or was she to open a store in her house? After all, wasn’t that the ultimate vision she had: to have a house servicing not only counseling offices, a gift store, a restaurant and a chapel but maybe even a place to rest and be restored? It was just recently she recognize she really wanted to help abused women.
When the phone call from her accountant suggested money was coming from her ex, Mary thought even more how appropriately some of that money could be channeled towards helping women like herself. But to get the bigger dream started, Mary realized, perhaps she had to open a second hand store to finance the larger dream she envisioned.
She would take it to God in prayer. "Please help me to see if you are directing me to open a store again, Lord," Mary prayed, "and show me where it should be." As Mary sat thinking of everything she realized she would have to get in better shape to be able to start another business. Her stress test was tomorrow. If she heard a negative report Mary knew she would have to get back into shape and look after herself. She could never go through the paces of opening a business –not feeling the way she was. She laughed to herself. What better way for God to get Mary motivated to look after her body then to offer her money to open a business? Wow! You are amazing, Lord, she said.
But Mary, being Mary, would not go on assumptions, and would continue to pray through this situation until God spoke and gave Mary an answer and some direction where this business was to be. A new excitement and hope filled Mary’s heart.
As well, to add to the suspense was her ex-husband’s promised money coming soon. She recalled how months ago she estimated that all she needed to start a business was 10,000 dollars. She had forgotten all about that until this morning. Was she to open another store? She thought of her “Second Hand Rose” idea for a name for this store. Was she to rent a store and go ahead with this idea? Or was she to open a store in her house? After all, wasn’t that the ultimate vision she had: to have a house servicing not only counseling offices, a gift store, a restaurant and a chapel but maybe even a place to rest and be restored? It was just recently she recognize she really wanted to help abused women.
When the phone call from her accountant suggested money was coming from her ex, Mary thought even more how appropriately some of that money could be channeled towards helping women like herself. But to get the bigger dream started, Mary realized, perhaps she had to open a second hand store to finance the larger dream she envisioned.
She would take it to God in prayer. "Please help me to see if you are directing me to open a store again, Lord," Mary prayed, "and show me where it should be." As Mary sat thinking of everything she realized she would have to get in better shape to be able to start another business. Her stress test was tomorrow. If she heard a negative report Mary knew she would have to get back into shape and look after herself. She could never go through the paces of opening a business –not feeling the way she was. She laughed to herself. What better way for God to get Mary motivated to look after her body then to offer her money to open a business? Wow! You are amazing, Lord, she said.
But Mary, being Mary, would not go on assumptions, and would continue to pray through this situation until God spoke and gave Mary an answer and some direction where this business was to be. A new excitement and hope filled Mary’s heart.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The Phone Call
A surprise phone call came late into the evening. Peter Myers, the mutual friend and accountant of both Mary and her ex-husband phoned. He had been talking to her “ex” who it seems wanted to send Mary some money; 10,000 dollars to be exact. Mary had initially jumped for joy and was ecstatic when Peter called. However, afterwards she began to think of it. Mary realized no amount of money could ever pay her back for the pain and suffering of that marriage. The thoughts tossed her soul around the world in its memories of the past. Like desert tumbleweed whirling in the wind Mary had been moved back and forth landing isolated in the place she started. Joy eclipsed by grief.
Oh they could use the money, Mary knew that. She thought of a dozen charities where she could tithe to. Perhaps she would give the whole thing away or maybe not the entire thing. Maybe she should keep enough to start a business, maybe just a bit. Yet deep beneath this hope and expectation came the thoughts of the cost paid for these pearls of great price. Anger and grief both tried to fill the same space in her soul. How could it be possible to feel so much turmoil, Mary thought to herself? Her heart was heavy with memories; no one in particular came to mind. It was the flood of the past, everything said, every un-kept promise, and the broken vows.
Combined with this and seeping through to the present was the reminder of her present physical state. She had tossed and turned all night; her left arm striking a very painful reality chord! Would she even live through it all to enjoy it, came the subconscious question that eked through her sleep to waking mind?
No answer came to this query. Mary must quiet herself and get on with the day. Casting down all imaginations Mary knew would be a difficult task today but she knew she must do it if she was to get through this day without making matters worse for her own well being. But how could she forget what happened?
Surely, even if the bruises of his words were hidden beneath layers of life the damage had been done to her psyche. The past came out in countless ways through indirect anger; triggered memories brought on by innocent bystanders that led to lashing out, and on, and on she could go. She was not the person she was and hated what she had become. Where lays that gentle creature she once was?
Where the humble child of her youth? There was only this wounded spirit laying dormant waiting for the next outburst. Why, look even now all it took was a phone call sharing good news that money was coming to stir up the pot of the withering witch! With those words Mary realized it was hard to separate herself from the past because she had become who she was through all her reactions to him.
What was worse perhaps the present heart problems came out of her brokenness. Perhaps like Bobbie she suffered more from a broken heart than anything – one that had never been truly mended. Mary caught her thoughts in mid stream! Perhaps, Mary reflected, those questions God presented to her about healing encompassed not only her weight problems but this unfinished business with her ex-husband. Mary didn’t know. It was possible. Anything was possible with God.
This was good, it was all good despite what she saw and felt. God had always been faithful in the past and would be in the future to make all things work together for good for her because she trusted Him and He had called her.
Oh they could use the money, Mary knew that. She thought of a dozen charities where she could tithe to. Perhaps she would give the whole thing away or maybe not the entire thing. Maybe she should keep enough to start a business, maybe just a bit. Yet deep beneath this hope and expectation came the thoughts of the cost paid for these pearls of great price. Anger and grief both tried to fill the same space in her soul. How could it be possible to feel so much turmoil, Mary thought to herself? Her heart was heavy with memories; no one in particular came to mind. It was the flood of the past, everything said, every un-kept promise, and the broken vows.
Combined with this and seeping through to the present was the reminder of her present physical state. She had tossed and turned all night; her left arm striking a very painful reality chord! Would she even live through it all to enjoy it, came the subconscious question that eked through her sleep to waking mind?
No answer came to this query. Mary must quiet herself and get on with the day. Casting down all imaginations Mary knew would be a difficult task today but she knew she must do it if she was to get through this day without making matters worse for her own well being. But how could she forget what happened?
Surely, even if the bruises of his words were hidden beneath layers of life the damage had been done to her psyche. The past came out in countless ways through indirect anger; triggered memories brought on by innocent bystanders that led to lashing out, and on, and on she could go. She was not the person she was and hated what she had become. Where lays that gentle creature she once was?
Where the humble child of her youth? There was only this wounded spirit laying dormant waiting for the next outburst. Why, look even now all it took was a phone call sharing good news that money was coming to stir up the pot of the withering witch! With those words Mary realized it was hard to separate herself from the past because she had become who she was through all her reactions to him.
What was worse perhaps the present heart problems came out of her brokenness. Perhaps like Bobbie she suffered more from a broken heart than anything – one that had never been truly mended. Mary caught her thoughts in mid stream! Perhaps, Mary reflected, those questions God presented to her about healing encompassed not only her weight problems but this unfinished business with her ex-husband. Mary didn’t know. It was possible. Anything was possible with God.
This was good, it was all good despite what she saw and felt. God had always been faithful in the past and would be in the future to make all things work together for good for her because she trusted Him and He had called her.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Pink Magnolias
Imagine green valley’s and thick forests of trees with copulas pink magnolias filling their limbs. All you can smell is the fragrance of roses. Winding through the valley of trees is a path petaled in pink leading to a lovely bench. Waiting there beneath two appropriately appointed trees sits Jesus. He smiles when He sees you coming and offers you a hand. You sit beside Him and listen to the silence and peace. A waterfall behind the trees and bench splatters its mist upon you and charming blue birds sing their song. It is a feeling of utter love, protection and warmth. Home, home, home at last with Him.
Monday, February 8, 2010
160 over 90
Tears of relief streamed down Mary’s face as she listened to the doctor. He was the first person to empathize and identify with her since she started sharing her discomfort and pains. Mary couldn’t believe it but she knew better. This doctor was an answer to prayer. Mary had prayed that just the right professional would be available to talk with Mary. Mary wanted someone who would know what her problem was and would understand and correctly identify what it was. Her own doctor was just too busy to see her that morning. So she had decided on going to the walk-in clinic.
What a gift that turned out to be because this doctor that she finally did see had gone through what Mary was going through himself! After taking her blood pressure and showing concern for her BP of 160/90 he shared that he had been on a treadmill in his living room when he collapsed. His medical background and the other doctors in his field helped him discover what his problem was. At first, they had said he had angina. However, he was not satisfied with this diagnosis and booked himself in for a stress test.
All of this eventually led to a triple by-pass. Mary looked at him from her chair in his office. Despite hearing was she did she was relieved, albeit, a little frightened at what might happen. After some comforting words and a little hug the doctor immediately booked Mary in for cholesterol as well as a zillion other blood tests. The doctor encouraged her to go right away and get the tests done and so Mary sat for another two hours waiting to get her blood taken.
While killing time Mary talked to two other people who were also waiting to have their blood drawn. One was an older thin woman who had cancer of the stomach and had decided not to take anymore radiation and chemo therapy as she had enough. The woman seemed to have a very peaceful demeanor. The other person was a tall man with sparse hair, who was older, perhaps in his late 70’s, and he also had cancer. His was in his liver. What surprised Mary was that although he had open heart surgery and then the cancer was as reticent about his cancer as the woman had been. Mary was bewildered at the attitudes. They took their situations as very matter of fact. They both agreed it was what life was offering them right now and what other choice did they have, seemed to be their response. Boy, that stupefied Mary, but somehow their quietness also brought calm to her spirit. It was good talking to these two people who had multiple operations and had lived through so very much. After her visit at the medical center Mary took her prescription for nitroglycerin spray to the pharmacy. They didn’t have any! She would have to wait until the next afternoon to get the spray. Mary wondered to herself how many people had died while waiting for their medication to arrive! Everything seemed to be happening so fast because she had hardly gotten home from the doctor’s and a cardiac unit phoned. They booked Mary in for a stress test on Friday! This was Monday.
Later over supper Mary shared the morning’s events with her husband Robin. For the second time that day there were tears running freely. But these ones were not Mary’s but her husband Robin’s. He had lost one wife and this was not an easy pill to swallow. He did not want to lose Mary, too. Mary could only hold Robin and reassure him that she didn’t feel this problem was leading to her death, not now anyways. But Mary had needed to talk about it and talk she did. Mary knew in her heart that God‘s healing solution for Mary’s weight and troubles might just be these heart troubles. This could be the “whatever” God was going to use.
Mary knew the tears were not over just because the day was yet a sense of relief filled her that she had done something about her pain. Not knowing and not doing anything had only exacerbated the problem. With a sigh she relaxed in her chair and sipped at a cup of tea. Things were about to change. She knew it in her spirit. It was unnerving but was a good thing. “Thank you, God” she whispered. “Thank you, for your “whatever” and my answer to prayer”.
What a gift that turned out to be because this doctor that she finally did see had gone through what Mary was going through himself! After taking her blood pressure and showing concern for her BP of 160/90 he shared that he had been on a treadmill in his living room when he collapsed. His medical background and the other doctors in his field helped him discover what his problem was. At first, they had said he had angina. However, he was not satisfied with this diagnosis and booked himself in for a stress test.
All of this eventually led to a triple by-pass. Mary looked at him from her chair in his office. Despite hearing was she did she was relieved, albeit, a little frightened at what might happen. After some comforting words and a little hug the doctor immediately booked Mary in for cholesterol as well as a zillion other blood tests. The doctor encouraged her to go right away and get the tests done and so Mary sat for another two hours waiting to get her blood taken.
While killing time Mary talked to two other people who were also waiting to have their blood drawn. One was an older thin woman who had cancer of the stomach and had decided not to take anymore radiation and chemo therapy as she had enough. The woman seemed to have a very peaceful demeanor. The other person was a tall man with sparse hair, who was older, perhaps in his late 70’s, and he also had cancer. His was in his liver. What surprised Mary was that although he had open heart surgery and then the cancer was as reticent about his cancer as the woman had been. Mary was bewildered at the attitudes. They took their situations as very matter of fact. They both agreed it was what life was offering them right now and what other choice did they have, seemed to be their response. Boy, that stupefied Mary, but somehow their quietness also brought calm to her spirit. It was good talking to these two people who had multiple operations and had lived through so very much. After her visit at the medical center Mary took her prescription for nitroglycerin spray to the pharmacy. They didn’t have any! She would have to wait until the next afternoon to get the spray. Mary wondered to herself how many people had died while waiting for their medication to arrive! Everything seemed to be happening so fast because she had hardly gotten home from the doctor’s and a cardiac unit phoned. They booked Mary in for a stress test on Friday! This was Monday.
Later over supper Mary shared the morning’s events with her husband Robin. For the second time that day there were tears running freely. But these ones were not Mary’s but her husband Robin’s. He had lost one wife and this was not an easy pill to swallow. He did not want to lose Mary, too. Mary could only hold Robin and reassure him that she didn’t feel this problem was leading to her death, not now anyways. But Mary had needed to talk about it and talk she did. Mary knew in her heart that God‘s healing solution for Mary’s weight and troubles might just be these heart troubles. This could be the “whatever” God was going to use.
Mary knew the tears were not over just because the day was yet a sense of relief filled her that she had done something about her pain. Not knowing and not doing anything had only exacerbated the problem. With a sigh she relaxed in her chair and sipped at a cup of tea. Things were about to change. She knew it in her spirit. It was unnerving but was a good thing. “Thank you, God” she whispered. “Thank you, for your “whatever” and my answer to prayer”.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Whatever It Takes
Mary took a breath. It was not a breath of relief, a sigh; which it could have been considering the earlier events of the day. You see, that morning one of Mary’s precious cats, Fluffy, got startled and frightened by something. In a brief instant, he had come tumbling down the stairs, got his nail caught in the stair treads, dropped to the floor, and began to shake and convulse as if in a seizure. The doctor’s reassurance that Fluffy had just panicked and responded thusly would have been sufficient for a sigh of relief. But Mary’s exhalation had nothing to do with Fluffy or the relief that he was alright.
Rather, Mary’s breathing was what you might call “laborious”. For two days she had struggled with a “heaviness” in her left arm that was painful at times, as well as twinges in her heart area. At one point, Mary had pressed her fingers beneath her sweater to fill the beat of her heart. It seemed fast but Mary wasn’t sure if it was too fast because she had nothing to compare it to. All she knew was that something was wrong. She would have to phone the doctor and make an appointment.
Mary hated that thought because she avoided doctors like the plague. She had heard too many horror stories about people getting worse after visiting them. She had a moment of total recall earlier when she had been doing dishes. She had thought of her friend Bobbie. It occurred to Mary that many of the things Bobbie suffered with were part and parcel of what Mary had endured the last few days. Bobbie had slowed down and found it difficult to walk to Mary’s store where Bobbie had helped Wednesdays and Saturdays. Mary felt this same problem and even doing house work and small errands had become very tiring.
As well, Bobby had difficulty breathing. She had gone for stress tests. She needed a double bypass. Mary looked up from her dish that she had wiped over and over again. The pain in her shoulder was excruciating. What was happening to her? Bobbie had died a month after her operation. Would Mary have to deal with the same thing? Angina ran in the family.
Mary’s own mother had angina and had a stroke when she was 75. She was always taking these little tiny pills that dissolved in your mouth. Would Mary have to take them? It would be far better, she thought, then having an operation.
More questions than answers filled Mary’s head. But nothing would be solved with wasting time worrying about it. She would pray about it, that was for sure, as well as go and make an appointment with the doctor. She needed a physical anyways. Mary gave another sigh, this time, one of frustration and fear.
“Oh boy”, Mary thought, “what next?” Then it occurred to Mary that perhaps this whole physical problem might, just might be, in response to the two questions God had so recently asked Mary: would she be willing to let God do whatever it took to get healing for her weight problem and did she want healing. She had said yes to both questions.
Certainly, if she went to the doctor and found out she needed to go on a special diet and lose some weight she would probably be motivated considering how she felt now. Mary would definitely put her whole heart into looking after herself if that was an option rather than going for any surgery. She didn’t want to end up like Bobbie.
Bobbie had been 56, the same age as Mary now. Mary knew many people died often times around this sensitive age period.
Seeing Fluffy convulse on the floor this morning and watching Robin holding the poor cat’s body as it shook was a memory engraved in Mary’s mind. She didn’t want to be a horrible memory for Robin to have to deal with. He had already found one wife dead. Mary didn’t want to add to his grief.
Nor was Mary ready to go. Oh, she had made her peace with God and given her life to him years ago but Mary had no present will and needed one. She wanted to make sure Robin was not left in the lurch if something happened. Mary wanted everything to be set up so if something did occur he could just go to the bank and a lawyer. She didn’t want him to worry about anyone else getting what rightfully belonged to him.
Was she jumping the gun? Mary didn’t think so. Mary had gone through the loss of her mother and there had been many problems despite the presence of a will! Mary wanted it to be an easy transition for Robin if something happened to her. She loved Robin so much. Mary couldn’t bear to see him suffering any more than he had to when she died. There, she had said it! She could easily die.
“Is that where everything was heading? Certainly, we all eventually die, thought Mary. “Would this sickness be the “whatever” that would heal Mary or would it be what would issue in her last goodbyes? God, there was another thought and she didn’t want to go there. She needed to focus on the here and now and getting to the doctor on Monday and making an appointment.
Mary sat back and rubbed her shoulder. How life had changed for her in such a few days. She was scared. However, as Mary sat there she took another breath. She realized with a deep certainty that whatever happened, her life was in God’s hands. Mary knew that. Even the breath she breathed was God’s to give or take away.
Thoughts of Fluffy upstairs reminded Mary it was time to go and check in on the little dear. Poor thing, the veterinarian had weighed him today. He was a plump 19 and half pounds. Mary knew he was a bit over weight. All of her seven animals were “healthy” if you could call it that. Mary laughed to herself, a laugh that turned to weariness. Would be a tough road ahead? Mary didn’t know. Perhaps, it was all just her imagination and she would be fine tomorrow. She would take one day at a time. Tomorrow was Sunday, a day of rest. She decided to start that rest right now. It was too much to worry about and perhaps nothing at all. Mary turned her thoughts upwards and walked up the stairs to see her beloved cat. She rubbed her shoulder as she went recalling what she read the other day that:
If it looks like there is no way in the natural, trust God to make a way. He'll part the waters if He has to! He'll do WHATEVER it takes to lead and guide you in the path of victory that He has prepared for you!
Perhaps this was the path of victory after all. “Who knows”, thought Mary, whatever it is I will trust you Lord, no matter what! “ Mary was happier with this last reflection because Joel Olsten had been talking about Moses and the deliverance of the Israelites from Egypt. They finally did make it to the Promised Land. Perhaps this is where she was going. Mary didn’t know. What she did know was God was able to do whatever it would take to deliver her and to heal her. Alleulia! Mary cried, Alleluia!
Rather, Mary’s breathing was what you might call “laborious”. For two days she had struggled with a “heaviness” in her left arm that was painful at times, as well as twinges in her heart area. At one point, Mary had pressed her fingers beneath her sweater to fill the beat of her heart. It seemed fast but Mary wasn’t sure if it was too fast because she had nothing to compare it to. All she knew was that something was wrong. She would have to phone the doctor and make an appointment.
Mary hated that thought because she avoided doctors like the plague. She had heard too many horror stories about people getting worse after visiting them. She had a moment of total recall earlier when she had been doing dishes. She had thought of her friend Bobbie. It occurred to Mary that many of the things Bobbie suffered with were part and parcel of what Mary had endured the last few days. Bobbie had slowed down and found it difficult to walk to Mary’s store where Bobbie had helped Wednesdays and Saturdays. Mary felt this same problem and even doing house work and small errands had become very tiring.
As well, Bobby had difficulty breathing. She had gone for stress tests. She needed a double bypass. Mary looked up from her dish that she had wiped over and over again. The pain in her shoulder was excruciating. What was happening to her? Bobbie had died a month after her operation. Would Mary have to deal with the same thing? Angina ran in the family.
Mary’s own mother had angina and had a stroke when she was 75. She was always taking these little tiny pills that dissolved in your mouth. Would Mary have to take them? It would be far better, she thought, then having an operation.
More questions than answers filled Mary’s head. But nothing would be solved with wasting time worrying about it. She would pray about it, that was for sure, as well as go and make an appointment with the doctor. She needed a physical anyways. Mary gave another sigh, this time, one of frustration and fear.
“Oh boy”, Mary thought, “what next?” Then it occurred to Mary that perhaps this whole physical problem might, just might be, in response to the two questions God had so recently asked Mary: would she be willing to let God do whatever it took to get healing for her weight problem and did she want healing. She had said yes to both questions.
Certainly, if she went to the doctor and found out she needed to go on a special diet and lose some weight she would probably be motivated considering how she felt now. Mary would definitely put her whole heart into looking after herself if that was an option rather than going for any surgery. She didn’t want to end up like Bobbie.
Bobbie had been 56, the same age as Mary now. Mary knew many people died often times around this sensitive age period.
Seeing Fluffy convulse on the floor this morning and watching Robin holding the poor cat’s body as it shook was a memory engraved in Mary’s mind. She didn’t want to be a horrible memory for Robin to have to deal with. He had already found one wife dead. Mary didn’t want to add to his grief.
Nor was Mary ready to go. Oh, she had made her peace with God and given her life to him years ago but Mary had no present will and needed one. She wanted to make sure Robin was not left in the lurch if something happened. Mary wanted everything to be set up so if something did occur he could just go to the bank and a lawyer. She didn’t want him to worry about anyone else getting what rightfully belonged to him.
Was she jumping the gun? Mary didn’t think so. Mary had gone through the loss of her mother and there had been many problems despite the presence of a will! Mary wanted it to be an easy transition for Robin if something happened to her. She loved Robin so much. Mary couldn’t bear to see him suffering any more than he had to when she died. There, she had said it! She could easily die.
“Is that where everything was heading? Certainly, we all eventually die, thought Mary. “Would this sickness be the “whatever” that would heal Mary or would it be what would issue in her last goodbyes? God, there was another thought and she didn’t want to go there. She needed to focus on the here and now and getting to the doctor on Monday and making an appointment.
Mary sat back and rubbed her shoulder. How life had changed for her in such a few days. She was scared. However, as Mary sat there she took another breath. She realized with a deep certainty that whatever happened, her life was in God’s hands. Mary knew that. Even the breath she breathed was God’s to give or take away.
Thoughts of Fluffy upstairs reminded Mary it was time to go and check in on the little dear. Poor thing, the veterinarian had weighed him today. He was a plump 19 and half pounds. Mary knew he was a bit over weight. All of her seven animals were “healthy” if you could call it that. Mary laughed to herself, a laugh that turned to weariness. Would be a tough road ahead? Mary didn’t know. Perhaps, it was all just her imagination and she would be fine tomorrow. She would take one day at a time. Tomorrow was Sunday, a day of rest. She decided to start that rest right now. It was too much to worry about and perhaps nothing at all. Mary turned her thoughts upwards and walked up the stairs to see her beloved cat. She rubbed her shoulder as she went recalling what she read the other day that:
If it looks like there is no way in the natural, trust God to make a way. He'll part the waters if He has to! He'll do WHATEVER it takes to lead and guide you in the path of victory that He has prepared for you!
Perhaps this was the path of victory after all. “Who knows”, thought Mary, whatever it is I will trust you Lord, no matter what! “ Mary was happier with this last reflection because Joel Olsten had been talking about Moses and the deliverance of the Israelites from Egypt. They finally did make it to the Promised Land. Perhaps this is where she was going. Mary didn’t know. What she did know was God was able to do whatever it would take to deliver her and to heal her. Alleulia! Mary cried, Alleluia!
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