Waiting and Deciding

Hopeful spring had sprung its wings and flown south again, or so it seemed to Mary. For over a week snow fall after snow fall had shattered her hopes for a change in the season. Her pretty Robin had disappeared and most of the birds had become silent in the enveloping snow.
Life had taken a turn though. It seemed Mary’s time at the food bank was at an end. Due to the circumstances it seemed the right thing to do. Oddly, at the very moment she contemplated leaving one of the women who she had volunteered with at the other food bank had come up to her at church and shared how much she missed her being there. Crystal was a very beautiful woman and like her name everything she said was crystal clear with no hint of deception behind her words. Mary had not made much of the conversation until she shared with Diane, her friend and mentor, about what had happened at the mission and Robin’s suggestion he didn’t want Mary there anymore. Diane, always a very forthright person asked, ”Well, does that mean you are coming back to our food bank? “
Mary had smiled a big smile and indicated that Crystal, a few days earlier, had encouraged Mary to return back with her warm invitation of love. Mary had been tempted. However, she did not know if she should go back. Was this God’s direction? Mary wasn’t sure. She didn’t know how she fit in and didn’t believe in going backwards.
However, other complications arose during this time to draw Mary away from rushing back to the food bank. Mary had recently felt pain in her private parts. Not wanting to go to a doctor again so soon after her last visit she had gone and self-medicated with some Canesten Cream. It was a one day procedure which left Mary uncomfortable the following day as it burned as the cream left her body. The day after this Mary suddenly couldn’t stop urinating or at least she felt like she had to urinate. To Mary this was a warning sign that she might have a bladder infection or something worse.
The following morning Mary went to the walk in clinic. Just her luck her own private practitioner was on duty that day! After the second long wait in the last two weeks at a doctor’s office Mary finally got into to see her physician. After a short conversation Doctor Lovell felt they should take care of the bladder infection for that is what the urine test suggested. He indicated that if the discomfort and bloatedness that Mary had been feeling around the area above her vagina did not go away with the antibiotics they would do a “culture”.
It was now two days later and the discomfort of the pressure and frequency with her urination had all but gone. The doctor had given her three pills which were knocking out anything that might be there. Mary hoped this was the end to the problem. She would know if the discomfort in her vagina was still there the next time she and Robin made love. For now she was holding off just in case their love making irritated it even more. Just like spring’s delay there was a sense of postponement to Mary’s well-being.
Mary had been faithful to take her cholesterol pills, not quite so faithful with exercising, and until last night had been constant in watching what she ate. However, she had such a craving for chocolate and salty stuff. It began with her husband’s decision to go to the store for some cream. He had asked an innocent question; was there anything Mary wanted at the store. Poor Robin was sent on a difficult task: to find some chocolate without cholesterol in it. He managed to find some with a low count but Mary hadn’t really cared what percentage of cholesterol the chocolate contained. She had opened the bag at the kitchen counter while brewing tea. Her intention was to have her tea with the candy. Mary had gobbled down half the bag by the time her drink was ready! Afterwards she felt very disgusted with herself especially when she had eaten a quarter of a bag of a salty snack Robin brought her, as well! Though it had no cholesterol it was very high in fat and salt. Both things were bad for her, she knew that.
Was Mary feeling a little defeated? If that had of been her first diet and her first failure, she might have been. But after so many years of going off the deep end she knew there was always tomorrow. Besides this Mary had a deep sense of faith in God and His second chances, and his third and fourth!
She got up the next morning with a new sense of determination, repented of her sin, and decided she better throw the temptations out. Mary knew she could not even have these goodies in the house because if there she would eat them. That was a fact.
Mary decided to get on with the day and on with second chances and through the windows curtains aside to see what the world had to offer. It was looking pretty wintery out there with a fresh snow fall and a bitter north wind drifting the snow around her car. It had almost disappeared in the fresh blanket.
Her day would consist of going to the dentist to check on a tooth that seemed a little rough around the edges. Mary didn’t know if this was new or if it had always been like that. She had just discovered it when she had gotten a piece of candy stuck in it and tried to pry it out. Now she had to go to the dentist. It was the fruits of her latest endeavors! “Ugh”, she moaned to herself, she hated dentists so.
Despite the impending dentist’s visit Mary had still other things on her mind. Besides wanting to paint and re-do the kitchen, pave the front drive, and numerous others things some attention had to be paid to the house and its energy efficiency. Last month’s electric bill had been $553!
So this week, an energy advisor had come to their house and investigated where the energy losses were. Mary knew: they were everywhere! However, Mary’s opinion was not enough to get rebates for insulation and other fix ups that the house badly needed to run more efficiently. After an extensive search by Scotland Yard, her Mr. Holmes had come up with the same summation as Mary: it was everywhere!
After the consultant left Mary read over the material in the folders and was overwhelmed at all that needed to be done. Despite future rebates coming back in two to three months they would have to pay out of their pocket in the meantime. Mary thought to herself: and what if the government chose not to pay because more work needed to be done or some other excuse? What then? What was worse was that the basement walls were bulging and leaking. This meant there were “structural problems” according to one of the pamphlets!
Now what? Did they call a contractor and have him come and estimate how much it would cost to fix the basement? Mary knew that wouldn’t be cheap as the basement had been dug out from a crawl space to house a furnace. It was not a pretty sight. Until Robin had put in sturdy stairs it had been almost impossible to go down there on the rough- in’s built out of pieces of jagged and broken boards. It was cold, dusty, and musty. Anything she had stored down there had to be thrown out –especially fabrics or clothes. As a result, it served little purpose other than to contain the furnace and its duct work.
Neither Mary nor Robin knew what to do at this point as half the money her ex had sent her was gone on paying visa and other charge cards as well as paying this advisor and some other overdue bills. Should they just leave the work; for it seemed they really needed to deal with the basement before they even put any insulation down there? It was one of the leakiest places with cold air coming through the cracking walls and seeping up through the floors. They could not really insulate until the foundation was fixed. If they did the insulating it might be undermined by some future emergency with the precarious foundational situation. So nothing had been done.
It seemed for the present Mary was waiting; waiting to see if her bladder infection was all that was wrong, waiting to see if eating better would change her cholesterol and have a positive effect on her heart. Mary and life seemed in suspended animation. That was okay. Perhaps, Mary thought to herself, this is all about being patient. Spring was coming; there was no doubt about that. Despite what she saw outside the change in season was going to happen. Like everything else in her life right now Mary needed faith. She had to look past the obvious and trust God was at work on her behalf. After all, didn’t it say, “all things work together for good for those who trust God and are called”? Yep, it sure did. However, Mary knew trusting meant taking steps of faith.
So despite the delay in weather, in health and in doing any work on the house, it was okay. Even making the decision whether or not Mary should go back to the old food bank could wait. God would show Himself in each situation. Time would tell. All it took was looking up at Him beyond the problems. God was on her side. In each situation He would provide an answer and a way out. God always had been there. She would trust Him once more for that was what it was all about.
Mary took another look out the window at what she saw. She closed the drapes quickly to keep out the cold drafts. Spring was coming and soon the answers and solutions to her problems. All she needed to do was take whatever step of faith God called her to.
“And that was that”, Mary said to herself. With that Mary realized she must release these burdens into His loving arms. Tomorrow was another day and today had enough worries of its own. In the meantime, Mary would live in the moment. Right now that meant getting dressed and taking the dogs out and then going to the dreaded dentist! Everything would be okay. Her life was in His hands.