Smokey and the Ark

During the time all of this was happening and by this I mean Mary’s new self-respect for herself and her increasing faith, two incidents occurred to occupy her time. First, Whitey, the stray cat that inhabited her sunroom since the beginning of winter disappeared. Mary had taken him in during the freezing cold because she felt he would certainly die outside in the bitter weather. Whitey stayed there all winter eating and sleeping. When spring came he continued to stay indoors with little or no desire to venture outside. Mary had to force him out at times just to get some fresh air. But if she hadn’t of done that Mary thought he would have never gone out again. He had been out on the street obviously, a long time and was just glad to be fed and cared for.
Then it happened one day suddenly without warning. It was early morning and Mary was getting ready to take her husband, Robin to work. She went outside to put bird food in the feeder and the next thing she knew one of the cats was crying. She didn’t think it was Whitey because he had such a raspy voice. This vocal outburst resonated. It was more like one of her other cat’s calls. However, when she went inside Whitey was the only one there. He seemed very frightened and acted so strange as if Mary was some intruder. He seemed to be on the defensive.
Before she knew it he went running for the front door which Mary opened and he ran off like some wild rabbit being chased by an invisible dog. That was a week ago. Mary never saw Whitey again.
Within a few days of that incident Mary got numerous calls from her friend Carolyn regarding some feral kittens she had seen running around in her back yard. There was one gray long haired Persian looking one. She said it hissed and spit at her and frightened her.
Mary decided to go over to see if she could see it. The first time she went over there was no sign of it. Mary told Carolyn if she wanted to catch it then she needed to buy some food for it and attract it that way. Apparently Carolyn did that for the next day she phoned Mary all excited. The little kitten was back but Carolyn was frightened of it.
Mary couldn’t believe the size of the beast that Carolyn was frightened of as it was no more than a few ounces in weight and mostly fluff – like a pompom ball. It sat between two garbage cans looking up scared and exhausted and Mary thought, possibly dehydrated with the heat. Instantly, Mary went into action.
She said to Carolyn,” do you have any towels or blankets we can try to cover it with?” With that Carolyn dug into the garbage can where she had just recently thrown out an old quilt. One cloth might not be enough as the kitten took to running alongside the wall of the house as soon as they approached it. It was heading for the driveway to the front of the building!
“I’ll go around front, Mary suggested to Carolyn, “and we can corner it between the two of us.”
As Mary approached from one end and Carolyn from the other the little thing snuck under the neighbour’s fence which was between them. Carolyn then went around to the neighbour’s house and into his backyard with her cloth in tow. Mary watched and directed as Carolyn slowly dropped her towel down over the kitten all the while pleading her fear of being attacked by this ferocious beast. Mary could do all she could to keep from laughing until Carolyn shared she had some traumatic incident with a cat as a child.
Presently, Carolyn quickly scooped up the kitten in the material. She held it out at arm’s length towards Mary. Mary grabbed the bundle of joy close to her chest feeling the trembling fear of the struggling tiny baby.
It was love at first sight for Mary but who doesn’t fall in love with an infant? Not everyone, Mary soon found out. Carolyn didn’t want it, Mary’s friend two doors over from her rejected her offer as well, and so Mary decided to take the little thing into her home and heart. When Robin saw it that night, he too, had fallen hard for him. Apparently, Robin's grandfather had a cat very much like it he called “Smokey”. So you can guess what the new baby’s name became, can’t you?
The little guy has been upstairs for three days now living in their bathroom. At first, Mary had to deal with Smokey’s fear of her. Carolyn and she had put him in a cage and when she got home she had to take him out to feed him as he was skin and bones. Mary looked down into the cage at the snarling grey mass that sat at the far back of the cage.
With a quick move Mary, using one of her towels, grabbed the baby as quick as anything and pulled him to her. Smokey couldn’t move as Mary had his body bundled like an Eskimo baby. Because Mary only had dry cat food for her adult cats she took some soft dog food she had and stuck it up to his mouth.
He didn’t seem to know what to do with it. Mary realized he had never had food before and was still on his mother’s milk which must have been all but dried up by now! Mary decided to force feed him and pushed a little between his lips. He realized it was food! Hunger overcame his fear and aggression and the little kitten gave in. He almost bit off Mary’s fingers in the process! Wisely, Mary filled a bowl while holding him and watched Smokey demolish it. Holding the baby in one hand she refilled the bowl again and held it back up to his mouth. Once again the little lion stopped hissing and ate a second basin.
Mary began to coo and talk to it and knew that reassuring voices and much touching would be the only solution to his wildness. Within two days, he began to stop hissing, and began purring. In three days he rolled over and let Mary rub his tummy and play with him. More was yet to come but for now Mary enjoyed the presence of this little gift from heaven. Mary laughed to herself as she thought of this latest addition to their brood. One had been taken and another given. But that is not what amused Mary. It was the fact that Mary overheard Robin call their house “the Ark” to someone just the other day.
It was this epithet that reminded Mary how precious these little creatures were to God as she recalled the story of the flood. Noah had been commanded by God to get a pair of every living kind of animal into the ark he had Noah create. Mary hadn’t thought of it before but realized God must have cared about these animals as much as he did humans to make sure they survived the flood.
Mary thought to herself: what was one more feral cat to feed especially if she was doing God’s work? Smokey would be added to the Ark, another joy to remind her just how awesome and beautiful her God was. Mary looked down at her little baby and smiled a huge smile. The best was yet to come!

Free At Last: sweet victory

It was a special day for Mary as she had taken three weeks to do it but had finally stood up to her demon “fear” and confronted someone who had been frustrating her at the church. Mary felt it was necessary for her to have had that lengthy period to allow God to work in her heart and do whatever he was doing. Today was the day that there was grace sufficient to speak up and deal with an issue that had bothered her and it wasn’t going to go away unless she spoke the truth.
Mary’s trust in God was also being built up. She began to recognize God was for her and not against her despite circumstances and emotions. It brought her to a new level in her faith journey. She was also in a place where she began to respect who she was more and realized she had to respect herself by speaking up. Today without hesitation, by the grace of God, she had finally spoken up. Why did it take so long? When the problem arose she had received the promise of Isaiah 30 that came to her. The passage told her that it would be in waiting for God she would be saved and quietness was her confidence. And so with her new found faith she had waited.
Until today; it was the day. Mary felt relieved when she walked away from the phone call to the Pastor who had been involved in the situation where she had volunteered. For Mary this was a real move of faith because she had been educated to respect those “men of the cloth” you worked or volunteered for. That meant you never stood up to them. Yet if she was a chaplain, as she had been educated to be, and anointed by a cardinal then, then didn’t she need to respect her own authority and role?
It was a very pleasant conversation that had taken place between Mary and the Reverend. Mary made it understood to the pastor her frustration over her ordeal. It was a real relief when she finished talking and had put down the receiver. However, the real clarity came after this conversation. It came when Mary talked to another volunteer who had known of the problem. Mary was enlightened by what was said: those involved all had the same desire to respect the pastor and his position. However, orders were always obeyed without consideration for the other volunteers that they worked with. As a result, Mary and many other volunteers’ toes had been stepped on by other volunteers as they tried to follow the minister’s orders. As a result, many got hurt because everyone was trying to respect these men of God. Sadly, it would not be the first or last time.
However, Mary had done something finally after all these years. She realized she had no voice as an infant to speak up to her drunk father as she hid behind the sofa. She had no voice to speak to the Mother Superior as a six year old. Today she had broken free. God had given her the grace to finally speak her mind.
A revelation came to Mary at the same time that all this occurred. When she had joined this church seven years ago she had been baptised for the third time in her life. Significantly, Mary recalled, that at the time, God seemed to speak to her and tell her he was dealing with “pride”. Mary had struggled with humbling herself these last years in each situation she dealt with and with every conflict. But she recognized the pride at the root of it and did her best to be meek.
However, it came to her today that pride had two meanings. Sometimes being proud could be a good thing for if we knew we were a child of God then we needed to respect and honour ourselves. Mary realized in speaking up to the pastor she not only overcame her fear of his position but had respected herself in the process. In this incident, she realized pride was a positive attitude that showed a reverence for one’s own person. It was not just a negative vice as she had always seen it as.
It was a wonderful moment and she knew a great deal had come about during the weekend Encounter at the church that at the time she was unaware of –like the increase of faith she had attained. Mary sat back and felt joy at what God had done in her. She now looked back at the Retreat and saw why she gone home early after having so much trouble sleeping on the cots. It was the need to respect herself and her needs for a comfortable bed that sent her packing. Before this time Mary would have endured the night with no sleep because she didn’t think she deserved better. Somehow God was at the back of this, Mary knew it because this time after one night at the encounter with no sleep she had had it and went home on the second evening!
Now as she looked back Mary sat crying at all the times in her past she had disrespected herself and her own needs. But Mary’s tears were a blend of sadness and joy because Mary felt today, after this conversation with the minister, she was set free. She certainly felt freer. And she was reminded of Martin Luther King’s words: Free at last, free at last, Almighty God, free at last. And she was. And she knew it.
Postscript: What happened in this short period of time really took years of prayers, counselling, and healing by God’s hand for things to culminate in this one sweet victory.

And He Blew the House Down

The move from the big house followed not long after her father went off to prison, at least in Mary’s recall. She was only in kindergarten at the time so being just a wee child the space of moments could have been a year or two in reality. Mary’s new surroundings were a minute brick bungalow located in Fort Erie. It seemed to Mary it was situated close to railway tracks.
It was a non- descript street with many small houses duplicating hers. There was one two story older house up the street where a nice woman lived. She taught Mary how to thread a needle. That is all she remembers of this woman besides hiding under her front latticed porch; nothing more.
Her own home seemed to be little even in Mary’s remembrance with two small bedrooms and one in the basement where her brother slept. There was a bunk bed and a single cot for her and her two siblings in one bedroom. Her mother had her own room.
Just down the street from Mary's house was a little corner store. Mary remembers stealing candy and sitting on the curb outside the building eating her prize. Unfortunately, her two siblings snitched on her and told their mother. Mary never ever did that again.
It was in the town of Fort Erie where her mother taught in a local catholic grade school. Mary's mother put her in kindergarten even though Mary was only four years old. Unfortunately, for Mary, the principal, the Mother Superior of the school, initially unaware of Mary's age decided against Mary’s mother's better wishes at the end of her first year that Mary was to be kept back in kindergarten another year because of her youth. As a little child this affected Mary detrimentally. Her siblings and those around her laughed at her and made her feel stupid for having to repeat this nursery level year.
Mother Superior and her own mother seemed to constantly fight over Mary. The next year when Mary’s mom decided Mary was old enough to make her first communion she got her all dressed up to participate in the church’s celebration. This was all done without consulting the Mother Superior. The posttraumatic stress of that day stayed with Mary all her life. For you see, on that momentous day, Mother Superior, adhering to the fact that little Mary was just too young for this procedure caught little Mary by the arm as she approached the altar and dragged her back to her pew. An argument pursued between the two women with Mary standing between them looking up sobbing. Mary never did recall when she actually received her first communion. As a result of these two incidents Mary struggled with her intelligence as well as with the authorities in the church throughout her life.
The rest of the period of living in the little house in Fort Erie was quite unmemorable except when he appeared on the scene. Mary couldn’t tell you when Bud moved in but after a while a man came to live with them. He was Mary’s mother’s friend. He was a handsome blue eyed man that Mary, though only four, liked immediately. In fact, because she was lacking a father figure he filled this need more than adequately. Vague memories dot this period of laughing in the shower with Bud and having him pull her tooth out by tying a string to a door. Martha added that he told them all stories of the big bad wolf. Where he slept Mary knew and saw but could never tell.
All she will say is that one day the church told her mother he had to go and so they picked up and moved to Toronto away from Bud and away from the Mother Superior.

The Big House

The house they had visited in LaSalle caused Mary to reminisce about all the places she had lived while growing up. In Mary’s recollections, her mother had moved 22 times. The last time was into the tiny bungalow around the corner from Mary’s house in Toronto. Here her mother lived the last 8 years of her life. Her mother stopped driving at this time and could no longer move so finally she had to stay put.
However, for Mary, though she visited her mother constantly over those last years in this domicile, it was never quite like home to her. When her mother died Mary and her brother, both executors, had painted and prepared it for selling. Out of respect Mary had persuaded her brother to help her fix up the home. Mary had chosen neutral cream and white colours and the place had sold quickly as a result. The real estate had wanted to sell it speedily and tried to persuade the two siblings to sell it for $20,000 below what Mary wanted to list it at. Mary stuck to her guns and got almost the whole asking price. It was Toronto and the house was worth it. Mary said goodbye to the house without a second thought.
However, there was one particular home her mother lived in that stuck in Mary’s memory. The “big house” as they called it was an older frame house located in Crystal Beach just across the lake from Buffalo. It was a busy summer resort with a large amusement park with a laughing lady and all day suckers that delighted every child. This was Mary’s earliest memories of a home.
The house itself was a big old two story cottage with two huge verandas running along the front of the upstairs and downstairs. The building had been owned by some rich Americans before Mary’s parents bought it. It was made of paper thin walls that had long since lost any sturdiness and were wavy cardboard room dividers. What stuck out most in Mary’s memory was the huge grey stone fireplaces on both floors along with the laundry shoot that started on the second floor and ended up in the basement.
The “big house” became called this because a second much smaller log cabin was built on the large piece of land behind this home. Mary’s mother would rent the big home out and live in the tinier place each summer. Mary could recall the year the small home was built. Her mother had hired some local man and his helper to build it for $8,000. That was back in 1967. She also remembered her mother’s big rush to get into the new place and sleeping with no roof over their head on folding cots looking at the stars from her bed.
But it was the big house that held all those earliest childhood memories. In the cobwebs of her mind precious recollections stood out originating there. Here she recalled her two sisters, herself, and the 7 children next door running in the back fields collecting dandelions. Her sister Theresa came up with the idea of making dandelion wine. It seems ironic that an 8 year old led her two younger siblings and the neighbours in a wine making expedition. Ironic, I say, and sad, perhaps, for the example was taken no doubt from her father who was rarely sober and rarely kind. On this particular occasion their mother found out after they had pilfered a bag of sugar from her cupboard to make this concoction. Mary remembers her mom was mad, very mad and that the wine was not drinkable.
Mary also remembers Theresa digging holes in the side yard – big holes – to collect frogs. What they were going to do with them, Mary couldn’t recall. It seemed to Mary her sister was always leading them down some fun path. Mary envied her sister for being so exciting. There was never a dull moment when Theresa was around. Even now Mary was always delighted to have any time with her. It was rare these days with the distance between them.
Another recollection of the big house was of the Christmas Mary learned there was no Santa. Mary recalled sneaking down the flight of stairs to the main floor and opening the door to see her mother bending over putting gifts under the tree. It was a big disappointment at the time. Now looking back it was very sad for Mary as it seemed her father was not in the picture even then at that special occasion. Mary realized how lonely her mother must have been just from that solitary scene.
However, Mary knew her mother had much worse to deal with than this. Often beaten by her father when drunk, as her sister Martha recalled it, Mary’s mom was thrown against walls and had her hair pulled out by the roots. Martha had vivid recall. Mary did not. However, Mary did remember one time which for a long time seemed like a horrible nightmare until her brother, Joseph, told Mary otherwise.
You see the one dark, very dark memory in Mary’s past occurred in the big house. The setting was one lovely evening just at dusk when it was just becoming dim. You could barely see anything out the back windows. Mary’s father came home that way most nights drunk.
It wasn’t just that he was drunk but that he was usually angry. The children seemed use to it by now if anyone can ever get use to violence. This night Mary could recall hiding behind the big couch that sat in their living room. In fact, Mary knew despite the vagueness that her siblings were crouching behind the chairs and furniture too. Mary was holding something. What was it? She could look back and see it was a knife. In fact, they were all holding something preparing to protect themselves.
In the memory Mary recalled being frozen in place listening as her father approached the top of the stairs yelling and screaming. It was about 10 years ago after their mother died that the truth came out. Her brother held the other part of that memory. Mary happened to be sharing the bizarre dream with him at her house one night and before she could finish her side of it he blurted out his. “That’s the night”, he said, “that I hit him over the head with a baseball bat. The police came and took him away. He ended up in prison for three years after that.”
Mary had been flabbergasted. Mary was all of three at the time which made her brother no more than eleven years old. Joe had it tough and had seen a lot more and lived through much worse than Mary. After this experience Mary’s mother began her moves away from her father. These moves never seemed to stop even after her father was too old to be a threat.
Each following home they moved into held good and bad tales. But always it seemed to Mary they were on the move and running from him, from other night terrors, and from life itself.

The House

It was a beautiful morning as Mary and her husband drove along Front Rd towards LaSalle. They were on their way to check out some garage sales in that vicinity. It was busy on this day as there was a Strawberry Festival in town and crowds of people were being detoured down side streets away from a parade route.
As a result of the Festival many people knowing that there would be lots of crowds in town had yard sales. Mary had already found an awesome winter coat for $5 that was reversible. She couldn’t wait for winter to wear it.
As Mary thought of how great it would be to wear her new purchase this coming winter walking the dogs she almost missed another sign looming up at her right. Without hesitation Mary put her turning signal on, slowed the car down, and turned down a lovely woodsy treed street. Mind you most of the streets in this lovely town were fraught with trees. The foliage was so green and earthy that the skies were blocked from view.
There were rich big homes that lined this particular avenue, many with interesting brick and wood finishes. This house that they stopped at however was understated - on the outside anyways. It was what was inside that made the viewers gape with open mouths.
Taupe and white were the colours throughout the house with black as the accent colour showing up on awesome bar stools at an all white kitchen area sectioned off from the living area with a huge bar area. The pictures and furniture were beiges and browns with tall black reeds filling even taller clay pots. Everywhere was an exquisite richness.
There were four landings and each more beautifully presented then the last. However, the beauty resided in an eerie silence and coldness that Mary couldn’t quite describe; that is until Mary talked to the woman who seemed to be in charge. Mary thought she was the owner and asked her about the detail work in the house. “Oh”, the woman said, “this isn’t my house. It is my friends. She died.” With those words the woman looked uncomfortably away and up as if to cry. Mary said nothing but continued her meandering more and more aware of the feeling of death that resided there.
Mary left the house feeling vaguely unsettled. She didn’t buy anything but came away empty handed. She hadn’t realized until she got outside Robin hadn’t followed her in. He had stopped, he said, when he got to the door and felt the air and its coldness. Mary realized it had been more than chilly. It reminded her of a funeral home that is deathly quiet despite the presence of the mourners. This house was just like that. It had no laughter or joy. It held just one lone soul standing guard over another dead man’s possession.
Mary and Robin drove away from the house with little said between them. They followed some other cars out back on to a main street. It felt to Mary as if they were in some funeral procession only no one was going anywhere and as in life everyone went alone on their own separate way.

Abiding

Mary's personal notes revealed the new level she had reached during an Encounter weekend at her church. Her own words are quoted here:
Thursday morning and I am learning to abide in Christ. It means to have faith and trust and be carried by God, abiding in his shelter, and resting in the shadow of his wing. No one can understand these words until they have actually experienced this. It started at the Encounter where I felt fear at the move of trust I was taking and yet slipped into it there during a troubling situation. Despite what was going on I trusted in a promise- as if fulfilled. It was standing in that place of accomplished faith that was quite scary. It didn’t last long. It was like making a decision to jump over a big hole, a precipice. It happened so quickly but once on the other side I hardly knew what happened until these recent days when I am learning what it is to walk in a faith that was finished on the cross. It is a done deal.
It was a gift from the encounter. I walked away having received this grace that came like a whisper but that loudly presents itself in each crisis situation. It is new territory for me. Oh, I have walked in what I thought was faith before but now it is hedged in the protective cloak of God’s promises. It carries a confidence not there before of God’s word being true, to be tested, and found excellent in all ways. Despite this testing it always abides in the buoyancy (if there can be such a thing taken from the cross of Christ) of Jesus’ final words “it is finished” utterly suggesting our completed salvation work. That really just begins our faith walk. In that statement all loyalty must reside, in that moment comes any and all resilient trust.