Free At Last: sweet victory

It was a special day for Mary as she had taken three weeks to do it but had finally stood up to her demon “fear” and confronted someone who had been frustrating her at the church. Mary felt it was necessary for her to have had that lengthy period to allow God to work in her heart and do whatever he was doing. Today was the day that there was grace sufficient to speak up and deal with an issue that had bothered her and it wasn’t going to go away unless she spoke the truth.
Mary’s trust in God was also being built up. She began to recognize God was for her and not against her despite circumstances and emotions. It brought her to a new level in her faith journey. She was also in a place where she began to respect who she was more and realized she had to respect herself by speaking up. Today without hesitation, by the grace of God, she had finally spoken up. Why did it take so long? When the problem arose she had received the promise of Isaiah 30 that came to her. The passage told her that it would be in waiting for God she would be saved and quietness was her confidence. And so with her new found faith she had waited.
Until today; it was the day. Mary felt relieved when she walked away from the phone call to the Pastor who had been involved in the situation where she had volunteered. For Mary this was a real move of faith because she had been educated to respect those “men of the cloth” you worked or volunteered for. That meant you never stood up to them. Yet if she was a chaplain, as she had been educated to be, and anointed by a cardinal then, then didn’t she need to respect her own authority and role?
It was a very pleasant conversation that had taken place between Mary and the Reverend. Mary made it understood to the pastor her frustration over her ordeal. It was a real relief when she finished talking and had put down the receiver. However, the real clarity came after this conversation. It came when Mary talked to another volunteer who had known of the problem. Mary was enlightened by what was said: those involved all had the same desire to respect the pastor and his position. However, orders were always obeyed without consideration for the other volunteers that they worked with. As a result, Mary and many other volunteers’ toes had been stepped on by other volunteers as they tried to follow the minister’s orders. As a result, many got hurt because everyone was trying to respect these men of God. Sadly, it would not be the first or last time.
However, Mary had done something finally after all these years. She realized she had no voice as an infant to speak up to her drunk father as she hid behind the sofa. She had no voice to speak to the Mother Superior as a six year old. Today she had broken free. God had given her the grace to finally speak her mind.
A revelation came to Mary at the same time that all this occurred. When she had joined this church seven years ago she had been baptised for the third time in her life. Significantly, Mary recalled, that at the time, God seemed to speak to her and tell her he was dealing with “pride”. Mary had struggled with humbling herself these last years in each situation she dealt with and with every conflict. But she recognized the pride at the root of it and did her best to be meek.
However, it came to her today that pride had two meanings. Sometimes being proud could be a good thing for if we knew we were a child of God then we needed to respect and honour ourselves. Mary realized in speaking up to the pastor she not only overcame her fear of his position but had respected herself in the process. In this incident, she realized pride was a positive attitude that showed a reverence for one’s own person. It was not just a negative vice as she had always seen it as.
It was a wonderful moment and she knew a great deal had come about during the weekend Encounter at the church that at the time she was unaware of –like the increase of faith she had attained. Mary sat back and felt joy at what God had done in her. She now looked back at the Retreat and saw why she gone home early after having so much trouble sleeping on the cots. It was the need to respect herself and her needs for a comfortable bed that sent her packing. Before this time Mary would have endured the night with no sleep because she didn’t think she deserved better. Somehow God was at the back of this, Mary knew it because this time after one night at the encounter with no sleep she had had it and went home on the second evening!
Now as she looked back Mary sat crying at all the times in her past she had disrespected herself and her own needs. But Mary’s tears were a blend of sadness and joy because Mary felt today, after this conversation with the minister, she was set free. She certainly felt freer. And she was reminded of Martin Luther King’s words: Free at last, free at last, Almighty God, free at last. And she was. And she knew it.
Postscript: What happened in this short period of time really took years of prayers, counselling, and healing by God’s hand for things to culminate in this one sweet victory.