Closing the Door: Undergraduate and Graduate Studies

Mary’s thoughts flew to different things that happened one after another. The catalyst to all this change, believe it or not, was the death of her friend Bobbie who had worked with Mary for a few years. The sorrow of the loss of this friend and her unfulfilled dreams created in Mary a desire to do something different in her life. She had worked at the gift business for over 14 years and owned her own store for 11 of those years.
In 1992 after Bobbie’s death she decided to close her gift shop and tea room. She hadn’t been sure initially what she would do until her long time friend Cheryl reminded Mary that she had always wanted to go to university. Cheryl had always been a greater supporter of Mary and was no different this time than any other. “Mary”, said Cheryl, “you are so smart, so much smarter than me and most people. You need to do this for yourself”.
Mary never realized anyone thought she was smart; after all she had been called stupid for most of her married life and had failed kindergarten! Perhaps going back to school would somehow help Mary with her handicap and insecurities. Mary was blessed. She realized that now as she thought of her friends words. It had been that encouragement and the reminder of the unfulfilled dream that helped Mary make the decision to close her business.
As Mary assessed the past she recognized her husband, Peter, was also supportive at the time. He not only helped her have a closing sale, but stayed behind after the store was dismantled to sell off anything that was not sold. There had been quite a bit of merchandise taking up dead air. As Mary continued her reflections she was also grateful that somehow during the 11 years of her business her husband had managed to put away money from her company. She wasn’t sure how but his foresight and wise money management enabled her to have finances for the next four years while she completed her first degree, her Bachelor of Arts.
Mary recalled the first day at York University where she did her undergraduate studies. It was a bit overwhelming and oddly enough her biggest fear was not about doing well but of getting lost! York was a huge campus with many small colleges scattered along green areas, ponds, and many cement paths! Mary was delighted to have chosen Stong College and though she didn’t spend much time there it had a lovely homey feel about it. Most of her classes took Mary all over campus and sometimes it took her 10 minutes to walk to a class!
Within a few weeks Mary found the local hang outs and study spots that most serious students locate in their desire for privacy. The first year Mary spent most of her spare time in the library trying to figure out the system. She photocopied half the documents in there along with purchasing all the required books on the syllabus.
Because of her many books Mary carried a huge backpack to transport them in. All her courses were full year semesters which were good in a way because she got to know her professors. Among her teachers she recalled an English professor the first year who was kind to her possibly because Mary was 39 when she went back to school. Mary had decided to major in English as she wanted to get into the journalism program but first she had to spend a year creating a portfolio of writings and poetry. These would be submitted at the end of this year and her work would be perused. However, though it was a dream for Mary to write someday it wasn’t going to happen because of the success she had at York. Rather, at the end of the year, because Mary was true to herself and wouldn’t be moulded into their writing style she was not accepted into their journalism program
At the time Mary was devastated and thought to herself: “What now”? Looking back Mary now Mary saw the hand of God at work in her life at the time. Mary had also taken a humanities course which she had done really well in. Her professor, Professor Ford, was studious and a hard marker. This just pushed Mary harder and she felt she had done well in his class. She had felt bad for this man for during the semester his son had died. Being older and more compassionate than the other students Mary had given him a sympathy card with her condolences. I don’t think Professor Ford expected this but somehow it softened his heart towards her. They actually got on speaking terms.
And so it was on that fatal day at the end of the year when she got the bad news about journalism that she happened to meet Professor Ford. As they walked and Mary shared her disappointment she was surprised to find him giving her encouragement and direction when she needed it most.
Professor Ford turned to her as they walked along the path from one college to another: “Mary, you shouldn’t be in Journalism at all. From what I see your gifted area is religion. I recognize it from your work in the humanities course you took with me. I think you should change your major to religion.”
With these words the hand of God directed Mary into the field that would ultimately lead her to do a Master of Divinity. The first year of her BA had been the most difficult, Mary realized now, because she had struggled with the writing program and getting back into the grind. Eventually she got the hang of it and became the best of students.
It was the second year where she excelled. Mary did very well with the introductory course in religion where once again she was under the tutelage of Professor Ford. She got an A+ in that course and most of her other course she managed to get A’s. While doing her second year she took another course in religion with a Professor Schneider. He had long thick wiry grey and black hair that flew everywhere and Jesus sandals which always showed his big toes that pierced through the tips of his socks. It was almost Christmas and this professor had managed to miss so many classes that he had to have all his students come in for a full day and make up for what they missed. Mary had found out by this time that the Professor had a household of children and a sick wife. At the time Mary decided to get him a gift for Christmas. Yes, you guessed it, socks. She had given a card with the package of socks with the inscription: to the holy man with holey feet! Somehow the gesture must have endeared Mary to this professor for he gave her an A in a course which she had struggled so hard in.
It was beginning to become more difficult for Mary to call herself stupid when she received bursaries, was inscribed on the dean’s list, and attained letters of congratulations on being amongst those with the highest grades. Through it all Mary realized how God’s hand of favour was upon her. They were difficult years but years of triumph culminating in her first nicely framed diploma that she is still proud of today. After all, it symbolized her victory over the lies Satan attacked her with throughout her life. She was not stupid after all!
It was after four years of undergraduate studies that Mary decided to go on to do Her Master of Divinity. An older rabbi directed the religious major students at York. He, in his kind and gentle way, wisely pointed Mary towards chaplaincy. The decision to do another degree was not so graciously accepted by Mary’s husband Peter because of the additional years of studying it would entail. There was also the specific focus Mary wished to devote her attentions to that scared her husband. Peter felt he couldn’t be there to protect Mary if she went ahead and started to work in Corrections.
However, Mary was drawn to this field because she was curious. Her father had spent years of his life in jails across Canada and his father before him. Within weeks of her decision she had already gone to see the chaplain at Mimico Corrections. Elizabeth, an intelligent and witty reverend was filled with all kinds of insights into those she prayed with and counselled. Mary liked her immediately and the chaplain was glad to have another volunteer to visit the inmates during the week.
Mary’s first visit had been quite frightening. When the doors locked behind her Mary wondered if she would ever get out! The guards were all business and very stern. There was no funning with them! However, after a few visits she got used to their ways, the noise of the doors shutting became familiar, and even the inmates were just men who had been caught in many of the acts people do regularly.
Those first few years of volunteering she learned she had many stereotypes of the incarcerated. In fact, she found out anyone and everyone whether educated or not could get themselves in trouble. She met men of many different social backgrounds, professions, and denominations. All of them treated her kindly and with respect. They didn’t get that many visitors!
Mary never knew exactly which cell her father had been incarcerated in. But she visualized what it might have been like for him. One thing became clear: often times these men were more educated when they got out than when they came in and that was not in a good thing. There were some very tough individuals and others that were not so tough. Mary felt sorry for them.
Eventually, as Mary continued in her education and had volunteered for a number of years Elizabeth allowed Mary to help out doing services on weekends. It was an extraordinary experience.
What became clear later on after it was all over was that prison was symbolic for Mary. She had felt imprisoned most of her married life. She was stuck in her marriage and didn’t feel she had any way out. Oddly, enough the one course in her master’s program that highlighted this metaphor was a course on Genesis she had taken.
At the time the professor expected the students to focus on one patriarch from their readings and do a skit on it. Mary was enamoured with the story of Joseph and his imprisonment and release. At the time of this course Mary and her husband split up. Mary recognized her own life had been one of confinement. She had lived in fear for years of this man but after 7 years of university Mary’s self-esteem had grown. In one moment of anger Mary had ended 22 years of abuse.
Doing the small drama on Joseph, Mary played the starring role. However, Mary had done more than play the main character. She had written all the lines for the other cast members, come up with the idea for the costumes and in the end had been awarded. Her professor had asked each student which person in their group had done the most work. Mary could only guess that they all had indicated that she had been responsible for exerting the most effort because the professor gave Mary an A+ for this course which was unheard of. A+’s were just not handed out at this level.
Those seven years of school not only set Mary free from the lies told her of her intelligence but also from a marriage and man who reinforced those lies. Mary had been set free. A new life began.