God Alone

After putting closure on chaplaincy Mary found herself becoming very emotional while dealing with the issue of co-dependency. The book Co-dependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps had drawn out a lot of anger from deep within Mary. It was anger directed at herself for repeating a mistake twice. Yes, twice!
As she had read through the fourth step God revealed to Mary a sin committed not only in her first marriage but in her second one as well! It was overwhelming. She knew when she left her first husband she had been set free from a bondage. She had been captive by her fear to this man for years. But she was captive because she believed without him she couldn’t survive. Though misguided in her view Mary trusted a man to look after, provide for, and make her feel secure. God revealed that He alone was the one that should be her provider. He alone was her security. Her sin was putting a trust in another man, a trust that belonged only to God. There was a price to pay though for having someone look after you. In Mary’s case the trade off was looking after his every need, being told what to do, and verbally abused in exchange. It seemed ironic to Mary that she trusted in a man to make her feel secure and provided for and it ended up she felt nothing but fear and oppression as she endured his abuse!
Worse than all this came the revelation that she had married Robin for the same reason: for provision and security. It was hateful and ugly. Mary felt terrible. She repented towards God, shared the Fifth Step with her mentor, Diane, and finally opened up to Robin. Robin had been struggling for days now with her anger. When Mary finally confessed to Robin she knew things would have to change. No longer would she or could she look after all his needs and sacrifice her own. Mary had found herself stuck once again just as in her first marriage because Mary had chosen to trust man for something God was responsible for and ultimately herself. The cost had been great. Robin had looked after her, worked very hard at his employment, and Mary took care of everything else. She had become chauffeur, maid, and cook. She had given up being responsible for her own life, looked after Robin’s needs just so she could be looked after and provided for and secure. Was she secure? Mary didn’t feel that way.
She knew that it had been really hard for them financially but now Mary saw it might be more a result of her sin in trusting in a man rather than God that was the cause of their monetary problems! Mary felt tired but knew the battle was not over. Mary had to be honest from here on in about what bothered her. She could not neglect speaking the truth because when she did she slipped into anger. She had to be open and admit her needs despite her fear of rejection by her husband.
It all could end in divorce anyways if her anger kept up. She would have to be transparent and honest with him from here on in. Mary was finding out this whole thing was pretty painful. Mary knew this book was a blessing and important for her development. But before the good fruit could come from it Mary would have to walk through the growing pains of speaking up, confronting, and speaking the truth in love.
The book’s effect was growing heavy on Mary’s shoulders. She felt her neck pinching between her shoulder blades. The thing Mary realized she had going for her was a fabulous husband and a God whom they both served. They would get through this together. She must pray more fervently. And she did. Psalm 23’s promise that though she walked through the valley of the shadow of death God was with her encouraged her. God was on her side. God was for her and not against her. She was a new creation and the old woman had passed away. All things were new and so Mary must trust things would be different this time. She had stayed 22 years in a marriage out of fear but it was a relationship that had no faith connection. This time it was different. This time Mary knew God was working on both Robin and her behalf.
Mary would trust this God who had been showing her for a long now how much He loved her. Things would be okay no matter how she felt right now. She would trust and have faith in a God who could and would deliver both her and her spouse form this captivity. Weary from the struggle Mary headed for the couch, turned the light off, and lay herself down for a rest. Today was all she could focus on, this moment was all that mattered, and she would take one day at a time. Anything more would be too much for her. With that thought on her mind she whispered the lyrics, “One day at a time, dear Jesus, one day at a time”. Soon she was fast asleep.