DeCluttering

Friday started with a commitment to rid her library of all those books that represented that big chapter of her life containing counselling and chaplaincy. As Mary began to go through everything she recognized she was closing the door on more than an isolated moment in time. As she worked through what she had accumulated awareness grew that she was letting go of much of her past. It was something that could have been overwhelming and a daunting task if she had of realized this from the beginning.
Mary began to box up the books from chaplaincy. As she did she saw some books that she never opened that just seemed unnecessary. These she stacked into one pile. Another pile soon arose of books that were all pertaining to the Catholic Church: books on the sacraments, divorce, homosexuality, the saints and you have it. She ended taking these to the St. Vincent de Paul. It seemed fitting because this was a catholic organization.
By the time Mary was through she had six boxes of books; two of them she had decided would go to a woman at the church who counselled. Some she would let her friends dig through and others would go to the second hand store. Relieved at the finished job Mary decided to take a break.
However, as she went outside to the garbage can to get rid of unviersity lecture notes and the like, Mary realized her job was not finished at all. First off, the sadness she thought she was getting rid of seemed to be increased as she went through this process! Secondly, Mary recognized she might need to get rid of 30 years of journals that contained her past experiences. Could she let them go? Would she? She always thought she needed them to write the book that was in her. While she was outside contemplating this the butterfly that had appeared a few days ago fluttered by!
Yes, that beautiful black creature with blue spots on his back flittered around her as she stood there. Mary was pleased and spoke to the little thing, “So nice to see you again, my friend. “ Mary smiled a big smile delighted that God had shown up. It came to Mary at that moment the only other time she had seen a butterfly like this one was up at her first cottage! Now here it was back in the present as she put closure on her past life preparing for her new life at the new cottage! “Wow”, thought Mary:” God, this is your way of encouraging me, isn’t it?”
Mary felt God was not only restoring the cottage that life took from her but was supporting her in a decision to get rid of the years of grief and pain that lay hid in the” hope” chest. Mary laughed at the irony of it especially when she considered that the hope chest was an old black steamer trunk. This was a more apt name as her journals contained much blackness and lots of blown off steam. Mary shook her head laughing and went back inside the house.
A knock on the door interrupted Mary’s work. It was Carolyn come to look through her books. Mary shared with Carolyn the recent inspiration to divest herself of all the writings of her past. Carolyn was all for the idea of getting rid of any darkness. It was decided then. Mary would get rid of her diaries. As Mary and Carolyn put the boxes of books into the car the black and blue butterfly appeared again. His appearance seemed to confirm everything that was said and was going to be done. How happy this made Mary!
The disposal of 28 years of journals, notebooks, and loose leaf paper ended up filling over 8 garbage bags. Mary had waited until after Robin came home to do this. He had been with her the last seven years in this house as she had tried to put closure on that grief anyways. It was right that he was the one who helped Mary dispose of them. As Mary dumped much of her past into black bags she recognized how all encompassing this process had become. It was good to get rid of this darkness that sat in her office. Mary thought to herself: “Perhaps the weight of it will come off of my body, as well!” It wasn’t like she hadn’t tried every diet under the sun; all those books were going too! It dawned on Mary at that precise moment that perhaps holding on to all those books and journals was also retaining within her a burden of grief stored as fat! Mary shook her head in amazement at that possibility.
The work done for the day Mary sat down with Robin for a well deserved break. She had cleared out half of her books and now had room for Robins DVDs, videos, Cds and the like. Tomorrow they would attempt to amass everything into one office so they could prepare Robin’s room as a bedroom. It was a huge task but it would get done.
The next morning Mary got up early before Robin. She walked down the stairs, let in two of her cats, and made herself a coffee. She opened the door to her office and something hit her. Her office seemed bigger and lighter. The old trunk now empty was still there but the air had lost its cluttered heavy feeling. Mary pondered this for the moment and realized that letting go of this stuff somehow uncluttered this room. Delighted, Mary sat down, sipped her coffee, and prayed for a good day. It already was, she thought, it already was!