“Knowing you Jesus,” the song played, “there is no greater thing. You are my all, you are my best, my joy, my righteousness. And she cried. She cried and cried listening to the words of self-emptying. And in the back ground Robin Mark sang “knowing you, Jesus, there is no greater thing”. She had gotten on her knees crying out in repentance. The earlier song “Jesus, All for Jesus” helped her see that all her ambitions, hopes, and plans had not been for Jesus but for herself. The song ironically spoke into an area of rebellion in her life where the depths of discontent had settled in: “It’s only in your will that I am free”. The words were truth quelling a lie in her life that she was not free but stuck because of her circumstances. Now she had to look again and see if she was stuck or in God’s will. And if in the later than she needed to see that nothing else mattered even in bondage; for what was real freedom without being in her Lord’s will. And she looked back to her last marriage where all her pain originated. It was the pain she was quelling all these years with things, plans, and ambitions.
Oh the pain had to be quenched somehow. She had felt so confined, a prisoner in her marriage. However, a truth dawned this day. Mary realized along the way, when nothing could be changed, she had not so much as given up but given in to the fact that this was her life and the man she was living with, her husband, was “it”. This was it. So she had stayed and born it until her deliverance from her pharaoh.
Now in retrospect she realized she carried this pain forward into her second marriage and saw herself stuck again because she had to drive daily to work, she had no job, and nothing to be proud up. She lowered her head in shame and pain, her brow furrowed with the grief.
Today was a new day and she could choose to give it all up again for Jesus. She could choose to run to him for solace when the pain came and not run to things, houses and any form of escape. Mary bowed her heart in prayer: Lord, she prayed, please forgive me for these years I have wasted my time and talents and money on things to gratify my flesh and ease the pain.
Forgive me, Lord, and allow me your grace in this area for I am helpless alone to deal with what I see as confinement. I see it is only in your will that I am free. Dear Lord, forgive me for running from what You chose for my life. Forgive me for rebelling against Your will for me and forgive me for rebelling against those in authority.
Mary thought back to the priest in Toronto, so many years ago, who told her she had to stay in that marriage. She had angrily walked away from that encounter. Oh, she had done what he asked her to do and stayed another 19 years. She realized however, that she had been angry at this individual and every minister after that. She didn’t trust any one of them and questioned everything they said because of this one person. Now as she stood at the altar of her heart she cried out to God:
“Rip this rebellious heart from me so I can serve you and those you put above me, humbly. Dear Lord, only you can do this in me. Please Lord, please.
Have mercy and help me to count it all (all those years I wasted) as loss for the excellence of the knowledge of You. Yes, Lord It is only in You alone am I free. It is only in your will, Lord. Help me to see this and impress it on my heart. And yes, O Lord, heal my heart of all this pain that holds on. Go into my past and to its root and heal me. May the Joy of the Lord be my strength as I choose to follow Your will.
Mary heard her husband’s movements in the bedroom and knew it was time to get up from her meditations. She knew in her heart that God had shown her all of this to set her free to serve Him. Mary ended the morning’s supplications with a prayer of thanks:
Thank you, Father, for revealing my sin and showing me Your truth. Thank you that You are at work. Thank You that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Let your strength of resolve reside in me to walk humbly before You accepting this life you have given me, this church, this home – everything. In Jesus name, amen .
The day was young and the sun was just peeking its pink head up above the line of trees that shadowed its presence. Mary got up and hummed to herself “It’s only in Your will that I am free”. Mary decided this would become her new theme song. This new perspective was what would help her at this time. She was grateful for this. And she hummed it again. Rising up from her chair Mary found that joy rose in her heart as she realized that as long as she was in God’s will she was free – no matter what!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Houses, and Things, and More Things
The drive in to Robin’s work that day had been like “true confessions” with Mary revealing to Robin the strongholds that she prayed about earlier that morning. As Mary unfolded her heart’s contents out toppled her past history with houses.
You see Mary had counted at least 22 times that her mother had moved since she was born. Who knows how often her mother had re-located in all those years even before Mary’s life began. After moving around so much as a child once she married her first husband Mary never wanted to move again. Nor did she ever have plans to get divorced. Mary laughed as she shared these things with Robin because she realized you should never say “never”. Sadly, Mary recognized that pride had gotten in to her heart. She was proud of the strong, stable, and secure world she thought she lived in. She recalled hearing herself tell people, “Oh yes, we have been married 22 years and lived in the same house, too”
However, all this ended in the twinkling of an eye. One might wonder how well prepared Mary was for it all. She was prepared in some sense. She shared this Godly preparation with Robin that morning on the ride in. “You know” Mary told Robin, “it was the weirdest thing. One day three years before there was ever any inclination of a divorce or separation I walked into my home and the oddest feeling hit me: I felt like I was an alien in a stranger’s home. I couldn’t explain it at the time and had shared it with my best friend, Sharon. After that day the house never had the same hold on me.”
Mary continued her sharing without any interruption from Robin: “When a divorce was evident and I had to walk away from that house God had prepared my heart for that day. There was no looking back and only an occupation with the present moment. I had to focus on resettling in downtown Toronto to do my Masters at the U of T. It didn’t mean it wasn’t painful. Any divorce and relocation are high on the list of stress inhibitors in our lives. But any intimate painful feelings regarding leaving that home were buffered by God’s preparation of my heart.”
Mary then shared with Robin her love for decorating even as a young girl. She recalled painting old worn out dressers with drawers long past opening properly being restored to bright blues and blacks at her artful touch. She remembered painting an old fridge at their cottage and some wood pieces of furniture with a shocking purple paint her mother picked up from someplace.
As Mary thought about all this she realized a lot of that painting was a way of escape and to comfort herself. During those years she had been abused by her mother’s friends and others who happened to come into her young life. There had been no help for it back then and no one to share it with. Counsellors were almost unheard of back then, just as was going to a dentist on a regular basis or taking your dog to a vet.
So all those stuffed feelings had to have been painful and obviously decorating helped her deal with it all. As Mary reflected she realized the purchase of so many “things” in her life had also been comfort food, so to speak.
The cottage, though a legitimate dream, as with all Mary’s obsessions with “houses” was comfort food. Not only that, but the home signified a place of safety and security (which it never was as she grew up). It hit Mary that she had been searching and looking in all the “things in her life, the houses and the decorating” for something that only God could give. It was His Father’s house that had many mansions and this was the place Jesus was going to go ahead and prepare a place for his disciples. As Mary ended her one- sided sharing with Robin her husband culminated the conversation with some much needed prayer for the both of them.
Later at home Mary dropped off some apples at Carolyn’s she had purchased at a farmer’s house on Concession 5. They were a fabulous price and they were Mutsu’s! While there Mary revealed to Carolyn what God had been showing her about her obsessions with buying and selling houses. Carolyn gasped and then remarked “I have just been praying and asking God what this business with all these houses was all about! “
A long conversation ensued which encouraged Mary that God was on tract in her life as Carolyn mentioned that what was happening with Mary was a confirmation of what God was trying to say to Carolyn. That was good news and Mary was glad this all had some purpose! She laughed to herself and walked away from that meeting feeling good.
She had joy in her heart and Mary realized this was a prayer being answered. As Mary reflected on the past months of preparing to sell, getting rid of all the things, closing her business and getting rid of those books, and even letting go of those journals full of her past tormented life she realized it all had served a good purpose. Her house was quite bare of all those possessions that reflected Mary’s need for comfort and security.
Now there was little left more than a house with many empty shelves. Would God take all this away as well? Mary didn’t have the answer for that; all she knew was that houses, things and more things were not to be her source of security. The name of the Lord was the strong tower that the righteous were to run to and be saved and not theses earthy riches.
Mary realized it was God’s perfect timing for this to happen. She surely didn’t know what was going to transpire but she trusted that God was a good God who had plans to prosper her and not to harm her. She would hold tight to this truth no matter what storm might come.
You see Mary had counted at least 22 times that her mother had moved since she was born. Who knows how often her mother had re-located in all those years even before Mary’s life began. After moving around so much as a child once she married her first husband Mary never wanted to move again. Nor did she ever have plans to get divorced. Mary laughed as she shared these things with Robin because she realized you should never say “never”. Sadly, Mary recognized that pride had gotten in to her heart. She was proud of the strong, stable, and secure world she thought she lived in. She recalled hearing herself tell people, “Oh yes, we have been married 22 years and lived in the same house, too”
However, all this ended in the twinkling of an eye. One might wonder how well prepared Mary was for it all. She was prepared in some sense. She shared this Godly preparation with Robin that morning on the ride in. “You know” Mary told Robin, “it was the weirdest thing. One day three years before there was ever any inclination of a divorce or separation I walked into my home and the oddest feeling hit me: I felt like I was an alien in a stranger’s home. I couldn’t explain it at the time and had shared it with my best friend, Sharon. After that day the house never had the same hold on me.”
Mary continued her sharing without any interruption from Robin: “When a divorce was evident and I had to walk away from that house God had prepared my heart for that day. There was no looking back and only an occupation with the present moment. I had to focus on resettling in downtown Toronto to do my Masters at the U of T. It didn’t mean it wasn’t painful. Any divorce and relocation are high on the list of stress inhibitors in our lives. But any intimate painful feelings regarding leaving that home were buffered by God’s preparation of my heart.”
Mary then shared with Robin her love for decorating even as a young girl. She recalled painting old worn out dressers with drawers long past opening properly being restored to bright blues and blacks at her artful touch. She remembered painting an old fridge at their cottage and some wood pieces of furniture with a shocking purple paint her mother picked up from someplace.
As Mary thought about all this she realized a lot of that painting was a way of escape and to comfort herself. During those years she had been abused by her mother’s friends and others who happened to come into her young life. There had been no help for it back then and no one to share it with. Counsellors were almost unheard of back then, just as was going to a dentist on a regular basis or taking your dog to a vet.
So all those stuffed feelings had to have been painful and obviously decorating helped her deal with it all. As Mary reflected she realized the purchase of so many “things” in her life had also been comfort food, so to speak.
The cottage, though a legitimate dream, as with all Mary’s obsessions with “houses” was comfort food. Not only that, but the home signified a place of safety and security (which it never was as she grew up). It hit Mary that she had been searching and looking in all the “things in her life, the houses and the decorating” for something that only God could give. It was His Father’s house that had many mansions and this was the place Jesus was going to go ahead and prepare a place for his disciples. As Mary ended her one- sided sharing with Robin her husband culminated the conversation with some much needed prayer for the both of them.
Later at home Mary dropped off some apples at Carolyn’s she had purchased at a farmer’s house on Concession 5. They were a fabulous price and they were Mutsu’s! While there Mary revealed to Carolyn what God had been showing her about her obsessions with buying and selling houses. Carolyn gasped and then remarked “I have just been praying and asking God what this business with all these houses was all about! “
A long conversation ensued which encouraged Mary that God was on tract in her life as Carolyn mentioned that what was happening with Mary was a confirmation of what God was trying to say to Carolyn. That was good news and Mary was glad this all had some purpose! She laughed to herself and walked away from that meeting feeling good.
She had joy in her heart and Mary realized this was a prayer being answered. As Mary reflected on the past months of preparing to sell, getting rid of all the things, closing her business and getting rid of those books, and even letting go of those journals full of her past tormented life she realized it all had served a good purpose. Her house was quite bare of all those possessions that reflected Mary’s need for comfort and security.
Now there was little left more than a house with many empty shelves. Would God take all this away as well? Mary didn’t have the answer for that; all she knew was that houses, things and more things were not to be her source of security. The name of the Lord was the strong tower that the righteous were to run to and be saved and not theses earthy riches.
Mary realized it was God’s perfect timing for this to happen. She surely didn’t know what was going to transpire but she trusted that God was a good God who had plans to prosper her and not to harm her. She would hold tight to this truth no matter what storm might come.
Strongholds
The week had been difficult as God’s truth was beginning to dawn on Mary that perhaps she was a bit obsessed with houses and security. She wanted freedom from this obsession. She realized it was perhaps a stronghold. But she also knew the weapons of her warfare ( and praying was an important one) were mighty in bringing down these strongholds. She also knew it wasn’t all up to her.
God drew Mary into a gentle humbleness of this reality early one morning as she sat in prayer. She read from three different translations the powerful truth that it was God who must do the work in her. She read from I King 8 v 58
"that
58 May
58 May
After reading this Mary prayed:
Lord, the last few days we have prayed about moving to Windsor but I get a vague sense that moving may not be what you are after but a new heart in me. I have been made aware that sometimes we have strongholds, things we are attached to in an inordinate way.
As I look at my desire to move I wonder if it is the desire for a house that is the stronghold, the desire for financial security or just the comfort in decorating that is my stronghold. I confess Lord:” I need your help in this.”
Now as I read King Solomon’s prayer this morning from I King 8 I realize that You, O Lord, have to do this work in me. I do the praying. It is you who work in me even to incline my heart to yourself, to turn my heart and all its desires towards you. It is You alone who give me a desire to do Your will.
Father, forgive me if I have been attached idolatrously to houses, safety, protection and money rather than You. I need a revelation, a rema of this sin or sins, Lord. I want to bring down these strongholds and follow only You no matter where you take me. I want Your aspirations for my life. I realize Lord I can’t even want this change unless you make it real within me. Dear Lord, I am helpless without You. Have mercy on me today and be gentle in me to clean my heart of these sins and put your desire in me, Lord. Thank you, Lord, for this prayer which even you have instigated within me. I realize I do nothing on my own but all things comes from You. You make all things possible. I will trust You today for a more complete revelation of my sins and a tearing down of these strongholds.
I pray also Lord that You deal with the disappointment and other negative emotional baggage that might be attached to these obsessions. Lord, my final please is that through this time I might find that Your Joy is my strength.
All this I pray In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen
God drew Mary into a gentle humbleness of this reality early one morning as she sat in prayer. She read from three different translations the powerful truth that it was God who must do the work in her. She read from I King 8 v 58
"that
He may incline our heartsto Himself, to walk in all His ways, and to keep His commandments and His statutes and His judgments, which He commanded our fathers.NKJ
58 May
he turn our heartsto him, to walk in all his ways and to keep the commands, decrees and regulations he gave our fathers.NIV
58 May
he give us the desireto do his will in everything and to obey all the commands, laws, and regulations that he gave our ancestors. NLT
After reading this Mary prayed:
Lord, the last few days we have prayed about moving to Windsor but I get a vague sense that moving may not be what you are after but a new heart in me. I have been made aware that sometimes we have strongholds, things we are attached to in an inordinate way.
As I look at my desire to move I wonder if it is the desire for a house that is the stronghold, the desire for financial security or just the comfort in decorating that is my stronghold. I confess Lord:” I need your help in this.”
Now as I read King Solomon’s prayer this morning from I King 8 I realize that You, O Lord, have to do this work in me. I do the praying. It is you who work in me even to incline my heart to yourself, to turn my heart and all its desires towards you. It is You alone who give me a desire to do Your will.
Father, forgive me if I have been attached idolatrously to houses, safety, protection and money rather than You. I need a revelation, a rema of this sin or sins, Lord. I want to bring down these strongholds and follow only You no matter where you take me. I want Your aspirations for my life. I realize Lord I can’t even want this change unless you make it real within me. Dear Lord, I am helpless without You. Have mercy on me today and be gentle in me to clean my heart of these sins and put your desire in me, Lord. Thank you, Lord, for this prayer which even you have instigated within me. I realize I do nothing on my own but all things comes from You. You make all things possible. I will trust You today for a more complete revelation of my sins and a tearing down of these strongholds.
I pray also Lord that You deal with the disappointment and other negative emotional baggage that might be attached to these obsessions. Lord, my final please is that through this time I might find that Your Joy is my strength.
All this I pray In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Counting the Cost
It had been a difficult week following Bernie’s surgery. Getting pills into that little Shih Tzu mouth had been a formidable task. Between Mary and Robin they managed to pry open his mouth just enough to shove pills mixed with food between his clamped jaws. Unfortunately, they weren’t able to get everything through the thin slit and much of the canned food was mashed into his beard. What a mess! Mid week they tackled him between them and washed his face with the kitchen hose.
Despite this, however, Bernie was doing pretty good eating many luxurious foods he never normally got just to get him to eat. On top of this little trial Mary and Robin had to take the youngest cat, their newer kitten, Smokey, in to get fixed. Abigail, the vet’s assistant smiled as Mary paid the bill. She said weakly, “I guess this is nothing to what you paid last week, eh? She was referring to Bernie’s bill that brought death to their savings.” Mary said little as she had been grateful that these nice people had been merciful. The vet had given them a 10% off because as owners of a large family of animals they had given them “group rates”. Mary knew this was a direct answer to Robin and her prayers that morning on the way into work. It might not seem like much but to the two of them $18 was a life saver.
Now it might occur to some of you who are not animal lovers that this may seem a big waste of money. However, to all of you who have pets and know how much like your children they become it will make all the sense in the world. So for the rest of you please don’t judge them too harshly!
During this period, Robin had phoned the bank and asked their financial advisor to transfer to their visa much of his savings. Mary found this very sad because it had taken the better part of two years to save this money. Thanks to their church and a course they took called “Financial Freedom” Mary and Robin, who never even had a savings account all their marital life, now managed to both have one. After paying this huge debt which included other assorted, accumulated charges Robin’s saving account was down to zero. However, Robin was just glad they had money to pay the debt. Mary was grateful too but saw how quickly money can disappear.
The result of this left Mary and Robin realizing one thing: buying the cottage was almost out of the question. They had reduced the price of their house and it wasn’t selling. They realized if they still went through with buying the cottage they would have little left over after closing costs to pay for any of the thousands of repairs on the little place.
It dawned on Mary that perhaps they would have to forget the idea. However, as God often does he whispered another suggestion through one of Mary’s friends. This person’s relative was trying to sell their home in Windsor. Apparently, the house was perfect for Mary and the friend could see Mary in it. The way the house was described interested Mary only a little. It was the price that excited her to no end. Following the conversation with her friend Mary went on line to the MLS listings and saw the modest but nice brick home. It was located not far from Ottawa Street which had a cute shopping district and a Market to buy all your meats and vegetables.
It had been a while since Mary looked at houses in the Windsor district but saw how cheap the homes had become since the automobile plants let so many employees go. There were houses, albeit in need of much repair, for as little as $39,000!
Mary grew excited at the prospect of purchasing a home that would be cheaper to maintain then theirs and closer to Robin’s work so he could take the bus on days Mary didn’t feel up to driving him or had other plans. As well, they would have money left over from the sale of their house to bring down their large line of credit and paint or do whatever the house needed.
However, the more Mary thought about it the more she realized she wanted to be in God’s will and not run off ahead of God. When she had initially brought up the idea of buying in Windsor to Robin it was a big turnaround in his thoughts. However, after a day at work and one of the pastors telling Robin it sounded like a “wise” decision Robin was on board. However, Robin and Mary prayed that if it was God’s will for them to buy in Windsor then in the next couple of days they would see the interest in their house pick up.
Mary sat relieved in her prayer closet that day where lately she had been more often than not. She so desired to be in God’s will. She had been struggling to hear God and follow His will. Sure enough she did and from two different sources. She had been inspired to continue to persevere in prayer and to” break through the situation” by her supplications.
Mary had done more than her share of that crying out to God and asking for mercy this week! Now here she sat, at peace, waiting for God to show them if this latest move met His approval or if it was just one of their own ideas. Mary was grateful to God and would wait. As she did though she felt the need to be prepared and look at a few more MLS listings to see what was out there.
She sat forward in her chair and began looking on the screen of her computer. There were many houses under $80k to look at. She had her choice! The thought came to her as she perused the site that perhaps God had used the situation and the increased debt of Bernie’s operation for their good. Mary knew that all things worked together for good for those who trusted God. Perhaps things had happened to force Mary and Robin to look more seriously at the direction they were going and if it was on board with God’s plan for their lives. If so it had achieved this end. Mary was grateful. Even though the door to the cottage had closed for now another door had opened.
It all seemed at the right timing, as well, for just this past weekend Mary had gone to the Windsor Jail for a three hour training session as a volunteer. It would be a lot closer for Mary to visit it if she lived in Windsor. However, Mary would wait on God to see what happened there. She didn’t want to run ahead of God but take one step at a time.
“Dear Lord,” Mary prayed, “thank you, that the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord. Thank you for speaking into our hearts even through the financial debt. Let us hear your voice today through all that happens. Help us to be prepared to either stay here if that is your desire or to move on. Just show us what your will is, Lord, and we will follow.
Mary’s prayer was interrupted by a knock on the door. She left her meditations and responded to the second set of rapid knocks. It was Carolyn, her friend. Carolyn handed her a plastic bag. Looking down at the bag in her hand, Mary asked, “What’s this? “
“It’s just a roast beef. Remember, I told you they were on sale”, responded her friend.
“How much do I owe you” asked Mary?
Carolyn replied by giving Mary a big hug adding as she did, “You owe me nothing. You have been so good to me.”
Mary was about to cry and had to do all she could not to and so was grateful when Carolyn indicated she had a repair man coming to her place and had to run. After Mary closed the door, though, she looked down at the parcel feeling both humbled and happy. God had been doing a lot of that recently. However, she was eternal grateful because they had little in the house to eat. Thank God tomorrow was payday. Funny thing was that earlier she had looked in the freezer with Robin and they had decided to have a greasy fry of potatoes and some fish for dinner. It wasn’t healthy but it was something.
She had shared her concern with God about dinner but realized tomorrow was payday and they would eat a little better after grocery shopping. As a result, seeing the roast just filled Mary’s heart up with gratefulness not only to Carolyn but to the God who read her heart and supplied a need.
Mary rushed to the kitchen to get the slower cooker out and start a pot roast. As she did she caught the tail end of a radio show. The host was talking about counting the cost before building a house! How awesome and right on time that was! Mary realized that she and Robin’s dream of having a cottage might have to wait. The cost was more than they could afford now. However, the little houses in Windsor that were far cheaper were definitely more feasible for them to obtain.
As Mary cut up potatoes and carrots to add to her dinner she smiled to herself as she waited to hear from God. She and Robin had decided that they would have to see some movement on the sale of this house as a sign that God was moving them in the direction of Windsor. Mary realized she needed to focus on her prayer more and press into God.
With that in mind and after preparing her roast, Mary put on her running shoes and went for a walk. As she travelled the neighbourhood she listened to and sang along with the Christian praise music she played. She was excited and not because of having made a decision to move to Windsor if God saw fit. No, she was more animated by the thoughts of being more intimate with her Lord. Smiling to herself, Mary sang the song playing on her IPod, first to herself, and then out loud. Oh, she felt good and the day had only started.
And just think: God had only given her a pot roast. But it was not the size of the gift but the thoughtfulness of the Giver and the love and intimacy He showed in sending it Mary’s way!
Despite this, however, Bernie was doing pretty good eating many luxurious foods he never normally got just to get him to eat. On top of this little trial Mary and Robin had to take the youngest cat, their newer kitten, Smokey, in to get fixed. Abigail, the vet’s assistant smiled as Mary paid the bill. She said weakly, “I guess this is nothing to what you paid last week, eh? She was referring to Bernie’s bill that brought death to their savings.” Mary said little as she had been grateful that these nice people had been merciful. The vet had given them a 10% off because as owners of a large family of animals they had given them “group rates”. Mary knew this was a direct answer to Robin and her prayers that morning on the way into work. It might not seem like much but to the two of them $18 was a life saver.
Now it might occur to some of you who are not animal lovers that this may seem a big waste of money. However, to all of you who have pets and know how much like your children they become it will make all the sense in the world. So for the rest of you please don’t judge them too harshly!
During this period, Robin had phoned the bank and asked their financial advisor to transfer to their visa much of his savings. Mary found this very sad because it had taken the better part of two years to save this money. Thanks to their church and a course they took called “Financial Freedom” Mary and Robin, who never even had a savings account all their marital life, now managed to both have one. After paying this huge debt which included other assorted, accumulated charges Robin’s saving account was down to zero. However, Robin was just glad they had money to pay the debt. Mary was grateful too but saw how quickly money can disappear.
The result of this left Mary and Robin realizing one thing: buying the cottage was almost out of the question. They had reduced the price of their house and it wasn’t selling. They realized if they still went through with buying the cottage they would have little left over after closing costs to pay for any of the thousands of repairs on the little place.
It dawned on Mary that perhaps they would have to forget the idea. However, as God often does he whispered another suggestion through one of Mary’s friends. This person’s relative was trying to sell their home in Windsor. Apparently, the house was perfect for Mary and the friend could see Mary in it. The way the house was described interested Mary only a little. It was the price that excited her to no end. Following the conversation with her friend Mary went on line to the MLS listings and saw the modest but nice brick home. It was located not far from Ottawa Street which had a cute shopping district and a Market to buy all your meats and vegetables.
It had been a while since Mary looked at houses in the Windsor district but saw how cheap the homes had become since the automobile plants let so many employees go. There were houses, albeit in need of much repair, for as little as $39,000!
Mary grew excited at the prospect of purchasing a home that would be cheaper to maintain then theirs and closer to Robin’s work so he could take the bus on days Mary didn’t feel up to driving him or had other plans. As well, they would have money left over from the sale of their house to bring down their large line of credit and paint or do whatever the house needed.
However, the more Mary thought about it the more she realized she wanted to be in God’s will and not run off ahead of God. When she had initially brought up the idea of buying in Windsor to Robin it was a big turnaround in his thoughts. However, after a day at work and one of the pastors telling Robin it sounded like a “wise” decision Robin was on board. However, Robin and Mary prayed that if it was God’s will for them to buy in Windsor then in the next couple of days they would see the interest in their house pick up.
Mary sat relieved in her prayer closet that day where lately she had been more often than not. She so desired to be in God’s will. She had been struggling to hear God and follow His will. Sure enough she did and from two different sources. She had been inspired to continue to persevere in prayer and to” break through the situation” by her supplications.
Mary had done more than her share of that crying out to God and asking for mercy this week! Now here she sat, at peace, waiting for God to show them if this latest move met His approval or if it was just one of their own ideas. Mary was grateful to God and would wait. As she did though she felt the need to be prepared and look at a few more MLS listings to see what was out there.
She sat forward in her chair and began looking on the screen of her computer. There were many houses under $80k to look at. She had her choice! The thought came to her as she perused the site that perhaps God had used the situation and the increased debt of Bernie’s operation for their good. Mary knew that all things worked together for good for those who trusted God. Perhaps things had happened to force Mary and Robin to look more seriously at the direction they were going and if it was on board with God’s plan for their lives. If so it had achieved this end. Mary was grateful. Even though the door to the cottage had closed for now another door had opened.
It all seemed at the right timing, as well, for just this past weekend Mary had gone to the Windsor Jail for a three hour training session as a volunteer. It would be a lot closer for Mary to visit it if she lived in Windsor. However, Mary would wait on God to see what happened there. She didn’t want to run ahead of God but take one step at a time.
“Dear Lord,” Mary prayed, “thank you, that the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord. Thank you for speaking into our hearts even through the financial debt. Let us hear your voice today through all that happens. Help us to be prepared to either stay here if that is your desire or to move on. Just show us what your will is, Lord, and we will follow.
Mary’s prayer was interrupted by a knock on the door. She left her meditations and responded to the second set of rapid knocks. It was Carolyn, her friend. Carolyn handed her a plastic bag. Looking down at the bag in her hand, Mary asked, “What’s this? “
“It’s just a roast beef. Remember, I told you they were on sale”, responded her friend.
“How much do I owe you” asked Mary?
Carolyn replied by giving Mary a big hug adding as she did, “You owe me nothing. You have been so good to me.”
Mary was about to cry and had to do all she could not to and so was grateful when Carolyn indicated she had a repair man coming to her place and had to run. After Mary closed the door, though, she looked down at the parcel feeling both humbled and happy. God had been doing a lot of that recently. However, she was eternal grateful because they had little in the house to eat. Thank God tomorrow was payday. Funny thing was that earlier she had looked in the freezer with Robin and they had decided to have a greasy fry of potatoes and some fish for dinner. It wasn’t healthy but it was something.
She had shared her concern with God about dinner but realized tomorrow was payday and they would eat a little better after grocery shopping. As a result, seeing the roast just filled Mary’s heart up with gratefulness not only to Carolyn but to the God who read her heart and supplied a need.
Mary rushed to the kitchen to get the slower cooker out and start a pot roast. As she did she caught the tail end of a radio show. The host was talking about counting the cost before building a house! How awesome and right on time that was! Mary realized that she and Robin’s dream of having a cottage might have to wait. The cost was more than they could afford now. However, the little houses in Windsor that were far cheaper were definitely more feasible for them to obtain.
As Mary cut up potatoes and carrots to add to her dinner she smiled to herself as she waited to hear from God. She and Robin had decided that they would have to see some movement on the sale of this house as a sign that God was moving them in the direction of Windsor. Mary realized she needed to focus on her prayer more and press into God.
With that in mind and after preparing her roast, Mary put on her running shoes and went for a walk. As she travelled the neighbourhood she listened to and sang along with the Christian praise music she played. She was excited and not because of having made a decision to move to Windsor if God saw fit. No, she was more animated by the thoughts of being more intimate with her Lord. Smiling to herself, Mary sang the song playing on her IPod, first to herself, and then out loud. Oh, she felt good and the day had only started.
And just think: God had only given her a pot roast. But it was not the size of the gift but the thoughtfulness of the Giver and the love and intimacy He showed in sending it Mary’s way!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Bernie the Bear
Bernie the bear is aptly named because when his hair is full length he looks like a little bear. He is Mary and Robin’s baby - dog, that is, a little Shih Tzu. Almost a week ago he started throwing up. It didn’t seem serious at first as one of their 7 animals was always barfing up something in that house. However, in Bernie’s case it was not just a matter of one little dribble. Bernie had thrown up at least 7 times and he still hadn’t gotten rid of the irritation totally. Some stuff came up that looked like lime green dental floss but Mary couldn’t be sure. She phoned the veterinarian. Betsy, the assistant, answered.
Betsy was a real animal lover herself and knew Mary quite well because one of her many animals was often in for something or other! Mary had just asked Betsy if she should give Bernie some Pepto Bismal; that and Kaopectate were staples in their house! “I don’t know, Mary” said Betsy, “it may not just be an upset stomach. Maybe you should bring him in and get an x-ray. “ The thought of bringing in her baby was not only disturbing because it might mean there was something serious wrong but as well, she knew it would cost her big time.
Mary reluctantly drove over with Bernie to the vet and was glad she did. The x-rays showed there was something there. Dr. Ross hoped that it would work its way out of Bernie. It was hard to tell what was in him. The vet was sure it was not metal or you would see that. So the doctor had sent Mary and Bernie home with two injections for his stomach for inflammation and something else.
These two antidotes helped him through the day but the next morning Bernie was not better and in fact seemed worse. He was lethargic, lay around, and wouldn’t eat or drink no matter what treat they tried to tempt him with.
It was Saturday morning of a long weekend. What Mary dreaded most was coming to pass: they would have to drive to Windsor to an emergency clinic opened there when everyone else was closed. This was a holiday weekend and Mary and Robin knew they had to do the inevitable. So with Robin seated next to her with Bernie in his lap Mary drove to Windsor.
It was 8:30 at night and the place was packed! There was a big German shepherd that sat beside Mary and Robin who had cut his forehead opened. It had somehow affected his eye sight so he looked like an oriental version of this beautiful breed. His eyes slanted upward and out. Mary had thought perhaps this dog was unusual and it was born this way but the young owner pulled out her phone and showed her pictures of this big baby. He was a most beautiful creature and his pictures show normal eyes. The cut had somehow given him this pronounced look.
On the other side of Mary was a young man with a cat in a cage that hadn’t eaten for a week and drooled out blood and water. Mary had a bad feeling for this cat. The next day Mary learned from the sobbing young man that he had to put his cat down. It was a sad place to be at times just as any hospital is when people are sick.
It took about four hours to finally get in and see the one vet on duty. During that time Bernie had lay on Robin’s lap looking more and more uncomfortable. The little man who greeted them was kind and nice and suggested taking x-rays again to see if what was in his stomach had moved since yesterday when they had been at Dr. Ross’s office. Nothing had changed. Despite this the vet wanted to give Bernie something like Barium and a laxative. He would take a look the next day to see if the material could be more visible and what should be done.
Nothing changed overnight and Bernie was even more sluggish and uncomfortable the next day. The long trips to Windsor were beginning to wear on Mary. She was already getting to her limit doing all the driving during the regular week. Now during this stressful time she was forced to drive under duress. She was not a happy camper. It showed! Robin was good about her moods but was upset himself because Bernie was his dog, his baby, and was beside himself with concern.
The vet had wanted them to wait until evening the next day to come back with Bernie. Mary was stressed out waiting for evening to come and so prayed all the while. Finally at 7pm they drove the long lonely concessions back to Windsor. As Mary had suspected nothing had changed, at least in a positive way, for Bernie was now in pain when the vet touched his bowels. “I think the material might be in his intestine judging from the pain Bernie is in”, said the vet,” An endoscopic search might not be affective. We may have to operate.”
As Mary and Robin had driven down to the office that day they had prayed for wisdom. They realized this was guidance from God and so decided to forgo the endoscopic treatment and go for the more evasive operation. Later they were glad they had listened because the vet who operated said he had to open Bernie in 3 areas of his stomach and bowel. The endoscopic method would not have retrieved all that Bernie had ingested because the material was a rope attached to plastic which had partially passed through to the intestine but was pulling and tugging inside of Bernie. No wonder he had been in so much pain.
The first day they went back after the operated they had hoped he could bring him home. However, he hadn’t eaten and was still doped up on pain medicine. They had come down and sat with him in one of the examining rooms. He was pitifully sad and his big brown eyes were sickly looking. It wouldn’t be a good thing to bring him home even if they wanted to. So Bernie stayed another day. The next morning, despite Bernie not eating as yet, the vet decided Bernie would be better off at home with his family and might recover better there.
Bernie overheard Mary and Robin in the outer office the next day when they arrived to pick up their baby. He cried and barked and cried. The office had been so full of people and dogs it was exploding with the heat and panting animals. One pit bull looked at Mary vacantly as he lay sweating in the hot sun coming through the big windows of the building. There was no room to shield him from the rays of the sun. Mary was relieved he was just in to get his nails trimmed. He was traumatized enough because of the pressure cooker he was enduring.
It took over an hour before Bernie was ready to go with pills, liquids, blankets, and other paraphernalia. Despite the bill being over $2500 Mary and Robin were relieved because they imagined it would be over $4000 dollars. Of course, this accounted only for the operation and they had already forked out over $500 the first couple of days! But it seemed worth it to look into their baby’s eyes and see his sweet countenance. He was not well enough to walk to the car so Robin carried him and gently stroked him all the way home. At the house Bernie was happy to roll up on the floor in a blanket and sleep off the evening after Robin struggled with him to get down all the medication the vet had sent them home with. The good news was he had eaten a little of the food and so Mary was glad of that.
The next morning, after 6 days of worry and concern Mary, heaved a huge sigh of relief. She sat crying listening to the praise music she had on. God had come through and answered her prayers for Bernie. As Mary sat in thanksgiving she shared her joy and appreciation to those who had prayed for Bernie in an email :
Mary sat reading over the email and sent if off to her two sisters and friend. She felt perhaps everything was going to be okay. There may be tough days ahead because Bernie had to be catered to. But Mary was grateful to her God who had walked with Robin and her as they had prayed during this stressful time. Despite Mary feeling the driving situation had not been resolved as yet she was content to let the problem go for today and enjoy Bernie’s good health. Besides dealing with Bernie an agent was coming with a client to look at the house today.
Mary looked around her and realized she better get herself moving with all the day held for them. Sending her email off to its destinations she got up and began her day. She smiled as she glanced at Bernie her bear that was rolled up on the floor quietly sleeping now. He certainly had come through like a bear, thought Mary. He was one in more than looks, too. Bernie was a real little bear alright and had fought back and now here he lay, hibernating like one!
Betsy was a real animal lover herself and knew Mary quite well because one of her many animals was often in for something or other! Mary had just asked Betsy if she should give Bernie some Pepto Bismal; that and Kaopectate were staples in their house! “I don’t know, Mary” said Betsy, “it may not just be an upset stomach. Maybe you should bring him in and get an x-ray. “ The thought of bringing in her baby was not only disturbing because it might mean there was something serious wrong but as well, she knew it would cost her big time.
Mary reluctantly drove over with Bernie to the vet and was glad she did. The x-rays showed there was something there. Dr. Ross hoped that it would work its way out of Bernie. It was hard to tell what was in him. The vet was sure it was not metal or you would see that. So the doctor had sent Mary and Bernie home with two injections for his stomach for inflammation and something else.
These two antidotes helped him through the day but the next morning Bernie was not better and in fact seemed worse. He was lethargic, lay around, and wouldn’t eat or drink no matter what treat they tried to tempt him with.
It was Saturday morning of a long weekend. What Mary dreaded most was coming to pass: they would have to drive to Windsor to an emergency clinic opened there when everyone else was closed. This was a holiday weekend and Mary and Robin knew they had to do the inevitable. So with Robin seated next to her with Bernie in his lap Mary drove to Windsor.
It was 8:30 at night and the place was packed! There was a big German shepherd that sat beside Mary and Robin who had cut his forehead opened. It had somehow affected his eye sight so he looked like an oriental version of this beautiful breed. His eyes slanted upward and out. Mary had thought perhaps this dog was unusual and it was born this way but the young owner pulled out her phone and showed her pictures of this big baby. He was a most beautiful creature and his pictures show normal eyes. The cut had somehow given him this pronounced look.
On the other side of Mary was a young man with a cat in a cage that hadn’t eaten for a week and drooled out blood and water. Mary had a bad feeling for this cat. The next day Mary learned from the sobbing young man that he had to put his cat down. It was a sad place to be at times just as any hospital is when people are sick.
It took about four hours to finally get in and see the one vet on duty. During that time Bernie had lay on Robin’s lap looking more and more uncomfortable. The little man who greeted them was kind and nice and suggested taking x-rays again to see if what was in his stomach had moved since yesterday when they had been at Dr. Ross’s office. Nothing had changed. Despite this the vet wanted to give Bernie something like Barium and a laxative. He would take a look the next day to see if the material could be more visible and what should be done.
Nothing changed overnight and Bernie was even more sluggish and uncomfortable the next day. The long trips to Windsor were beginning to wear on Mary. She was already getting to her limit doing all the driving during the regular week. Now during this stressful time she was forced to drive under duress. She was not a happy camper. It showed! Robin was good about her moods but was upset himself because Bernie was his dog, his baby, and was beside himself with concern.
The vet had wanted them to wait until evening the next day to come back with Bernie. Mary was stressed out waiting for evening to come and so prayed all the while. Finally at 7pm they drove the long lonely concessions back to Windsor. As Mary had suspected nothing had changed, at least in a positive way, for Bernie was now in pain when the vet touched his bowels. “I think the material might be in his intestine judging from the pain Bernie is in”, said the vet,” An endoscopic search might not be affective. We may have to operate.”
As Mary and Robin had driven down to the office that day they had prayed for wisdom. They realized this was guidance from God and so decided to forgo the endoscopic treatment and go for the more evasive operation. Later they were glad they had listened because the vet who operated said he had to open Bernie in 3 areas of his stomach and bowel. The endoscopic method would not have retrieved all that Bernie had ingested because the material was a rope attached to plastic which had partially passed through to the intestine but was pulling and tugging inside of Bernie. No wonder he had been in so much pain.
The first day they went back after the operated they had hoped he could bring him home. However, he hadn’t eaten and was still doped up on pain medicine. They had come down and sat with him in one of the examining rooms. He was pitifully sad and his big brown eyes were sickly looking. It wouldn’t be a good thing to bring him home even if they wanted to. So Bernie stayed another day. The next morning, despite Bernie not eating as yet, the vet decided Bernie would be better off at home with his family and might recover better there.
Bernie overheard Mary and Robin in the outer office the next day when they arrived to pick up their baby. He cried and barked and cried. The office had been so full of people and dogs it was exploding with the heat and panting animals. One pit bull looked at Mary vacantly as he lay sweating in the hot sun coming through the big windows of the building. There was no room to shield him from the rays of the sun. Mary was relieved he was just in to get his nails trimmed. He was traumatized enough because of the pressure cooker he was enduring.
It took over an hour before Bernie was ready to go with pills, liquids, blankets, and other paraphernalia. Despite the bill being over $2500 Mary and Robin were relieved because they imagined it would be over $4000 dollars. Of course, this accounted only for the operation and they had already forked out over $500 the first couple of days! But it seemed worth it to look into their baby’s eyes and see his sweet countenance. He was not well enough to walk to the car so Robin carried him and gently stroked him all the way home. At the house Bernie was happy to roll up on the floor in a blanket and sleep off the evening after Robin struggled with him to get down all the medication the vet had sent them home with. The good news was he had eaten a little of the food and so Mary was glad of that.
The next morning, after 6 days of worry and concern Mary, heaved a huge sigh of relief. She sat crying listening to the praise music she had on. God had come through and answered her prayers for Bernie. As Mary sat in thanksgiving she shared her joy and appreciation to those who had prayed for Bernie in an email :
Bernie met me in the living room at 6am this morning. It was dark and all I could feel was the swish from his wagging tail! He rubbed his nose up against me and nasally snorted out "good morning". I was so delighted and gave him a big hug. He had to pee so I carefully lifted him up and carried him out into the backyard. I watched as he took a long, long pee then turned to come back in. You can imagine how even more delighted I was when he looked at me as if he was hungry. So I opened the can of dog food they gave us to encourage him to eat and put his two different pills in some food and in a flash it was gone. He wanted more so I gave him just a little extra plus two syringes full of his other medications. He will be on all this stuff for 10 days. He still has a catheter in him and we have to take him to the local vet today to get it out. They left it in just in case we had some emergency last night. But thanks to everyone's prayers our little man looks as right as rain.
Hey Stephen please let Lynne read this email, Okay? Thanks to you all!!
Love Mary
Mary sat reading over the email and sent if off to her two sisters and friend. She felt perhaps everything was going to be okay. There may be tough days ahead because Bernie had to be catered to. But Mary was grateful to her God who had walked with Robin and her as they had prayed during this stressful time. Despite Mary feeling the driving situation had not been resolved as yet she was content to let the problem go for today and enjoy Bernie’s good health. Besides dealing with Bernie an agent was coming with a client to look at the house today.
Mary looked around her and realized she better get herself moving with all the day held for them. Sending her email off to its destinations she got up and began her day. She smiled as she glanced at Bernie her bear that was rolled up on the floor quietly sleeping now. He certainly had come through like a bear, thought Mary. He was one in more than looks, too. Bernie was a real little bear alright and had fought back and now here he lay, hibernating like one!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Mary's Morning Refllections
I laugh today when I read the opening scripture. It is so appropriate for my life right now! As I have listened to you these last days I have been consoled with words that encouraged me. You have exhorted me in Philippians 2:13 that it is you who “works in [me] to will and to do your good pleasure”. I must trust that You have been working in me all this time and speaking into my life, directing me, and guiding me regarding the cottage. In this later regard you reminded me in John 10 that You are the shepherd who calls me by name. I am one of your sheep who hears you, who listens and I follow your voice. You have been leading me and I must trust this. I have not been wandering on my own path. I hear you speaking Lord and must trust, trust, trust!
But today’s scripture from John 14 is a real hoot because it commences with “Don’t let your heart be troubled. You trust/believe in God, now trust/believe in me. There are many rooms in my Father’s home, and I am going to prepare a place for you...When everything is ready I will come and get you”. This is the New Living Translation of the Bible but I love the King James which says “In my Father’s house are many mansions”! Another translation indicates that in your house are many dwelling places! It persuades me that I am following closely after You. Thank you for responding to my heart’s cry, Father, because yesterday I cried out to You to show me your will. How much more specific can it get then this? It comforts me on all levels.
These early morning reflections indicate that God consoled and encouraged Mary in the area of fear that had arisen in heart of whether or not she was following God’s will for her life. Later this same day Mary was cheered even more when her agent emailed Mary to let her know someone wanted to look at the house on Tuesday. Further uplifting came when one of the women from the church left a message on her machine. It seemed they were having a volunteer orientation day at the Windsor Jail in a week. The woman had talked to Mary months and months ago about volunteering. Now in the midst of Mary’s searching and waiting for something this invitation came. Mary had jumped to it immediately and contacted the chaplain at the Jail. He was happy to send her out an application. She would fill it out and bring it with her when she came for the training day.
By the Friday night before Thanksgiving Mary felt all her agonizing prayers had been answered. God, her Father, had touched her intimately with two responses. She realized as the holiday fast approached she had a lot to give thanks for. She was so grateful for the hope God had placed in her heart. Mary smiled to herself and was reminded once again of one of the Pastor’s wives often quoted euphuism: God is good, all the time, all the time. For some reason it had taken Mary most of her life to realize this. But it was understandable after years of listening to the worst about herself and believing it. But she was finally getting it after all these years. She was, after all, one of his sheep, who listened to His voice, wasn’t she?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Mary’s Ichabod
Week had followed week as Mary did everything in her power to lessen the load of stuff they would eventually have to move from their house to the cottage when they finally sold. But it had not sold. There had not even been one interested party. It was too bad because the place was beginning to look fresh and airy.
As things began to elapse into a endurance race Mary began to become desperate and do all that she knew spiritually to do. She had spent days on in just praising and thanking God for everything she could think of. She had written litanies of praise on paper to try to encourage a response from God. She had tried to be positive quoting scripture after scripture, in faith, hoping these would be the thing to get her prayer answered and open the door. But still no one enquired about the house and no one came.
In desperation Mary and Robin reduced the price of their home hoping this would attract potential buyers. But nothing helped. It was all beginning to get to Mary. She was teased into going on by small enticing words of encouragement she heard here and there. Among them were the words of a minister speaking of something unrelated who said “be ready and prepared”. Mary had grabbed hold of that believing that was an exhortation specifically for her! All these things kept her going until a day or so ago.
In her spirit she began to recognize the whisper of the Holy Spirit. His still small voice began to breathe afresh into her heart. It began with a message involving keeping one self pure from idols. Certainly, Mary had related to that one and initially believed the idols in her life had all been taken care of when she got rid of all the “things” at her yard sale. But it seemed that God was suggesting she had more idols she had not disposed of. Mary had looked around and with each look disposed of more layers of things that filled her house.
This did not satisfy her and Mary felt God was still indicating there were more idols to go. The whisper was soft and sweet as it sighed out the words “the cottage”. “No, thought Mary to herself, no it couldn’t be” and she chose not to listen to it. But it was incessant.
Then the Holy Spirit began to convict Mary, ever so gently, about selfishness, about what would bring God glory and a life separated for God. Mary was hard pressed to find anything about buying this cottage that would bring God glory and that would be in service to him. Then it hit her like a lead pipe. It was a great “thud” that hit upon her heart as she realized Jesus’ great commission to preach to the whole world might not be possible hidden away from the world in a cottage.
Still Mary had chosen to convince herself that the dream was of God and so it all had to be possible. The final murmur of the Holy Spirit began like some small seaside lap of water trickling over rocks at shore that turned into a tidal wave of reality that swallowed up the whole idea of this dream home. In an instant Mary’s dream had dissipated much like the homes at Katrina had broken apart and floated along leaving their owners homeless.
Mary had been listening to a speaker on the radio for a week speaking of God’s presence leaving a church or place. Mary had felt the glory of God had gone out of her life. The minister had been using the test of 1 Samuel 4 and a story of a battle between the Israelites and the Philistines. The Israelites had chosen to fight this battle without checking with God. In their desperation to win a second battle, after being defeated in the first, they went and retrieved the Ark of the Covenant. However, their attitude stunk. They were using the ark like a talisman to gain a win. Their actions showed how far the Israelites had strayed from God. They were not in God’s will and they were using the ark to get their own way.
Mary was struck down with conviction. She had been looking to any sign or symbol to propel her forward in moving into this new home. She had been like the Israelites quoting scripture, praising God and using everything she heard as support in her end to gain what she wanted.
But that day she had to ask herself “Was this what God wanted for her or her life? “ Then she was finally able to admit that she, perhaps, in her humaneness had rushed ahead of God without asking Him what He wanted. Then the heaviness of the repercussions of it all hit her like an aftershock. If this wasn’t God’s will then “What?” and the what echoed around her in all her empty rooms, her cleaned out garage, and the vision of the cottage that suddenly began to grow dimmer and dimmer with only an outline of a rooftop floating down river out of sight and apparently out of her life.
Was there any reason to ask God if the cottage was His will for her life? It didn’t seem necessary to Mary. She had gone on ahead of God without asking. All around her was the debris left in her choice made without God and His glory had gone.
Yet Mary was determined to retrace her steps and go to the foot of the cross and ask God what He thought at this point. She would have to be satisfied with the answer He gave her. Was it desperation? No. What was it then? What it was had been, finally, what she should have done originally: made an attempt to show God the respect and love she should have given Him in the first place. Hadn’t God drawn her into a greater intimacy all these years that demanded He be a Number One priority in all her decisions? Yes.
Despite what Mary felt would be the answer she no longer felt presumptuous enough to pretend she could read God’s mind. She would take the matter up in her prayer time with her husband Robin. It was the way they started every day together and this day would be no different. Mary may have been a little discouraged at herself but she knew God’s love enough to know that no matter what “all things worked together for good for those who trusted God” and this occasion was no different. So despite the sadness she felt at disappointing God and the letdown of a possible burst bubble Mary was determined to trust God no matter. So she would pray and ask God’s will in the matter and then wait and see. With this thought in mind Mary got up from her morning coffee and went forward for the day glad she had finally heard from God through all the whispering the Holy Spirit had been doing. God loved her despite her failings and yes, despite even this last faux pas.
As things began to elapse into a endurance race Mary began to become desperate and do all that she knew spiritually to do. She had spent days on in just praising and thanking God for everything she could think of. She had written litanies of praise on paper to try to encourage a response from God. She had tried to be positive quoting scripture after scripture, in faith, hoping these would be the thing to get her prayer answered and open the door. But still no one enquired about the house and no one came.
In desperation Mary and Robin reduced the price of their home hoping this would attract potential buyers. But nothing helped. It was all beginning to get to Mary. She was teased into going on by small enticing words of encouragement she heard here and there. Among them were the words of a minister speaking of something unrelated who said “be ready and prepared”. Mary had grabbed hold of that believing that was an exhortation specifically for her! All these things kept her going until a day or so ago.
In her spirit she began to recognize the whisper of the Holy Spirit. His still small voice began to breathe afresh into her heart. It began with a message involving keeping one self pure from idols. Certainly, Mary had related to that one and initially believed the idols in her life had all been taken care of when she got rid of all the “things” at her yard sale. But it seemed that God was suggesting she had more idols she had not disposed of. Mary had looked around and with each look disposed of more layers of things that filled her house.
This did not satisfy her and Mary felt God was still indicating there were more idols to go. The whisper was soft and sweet as it sighed out the words “the cottage”. “No, thought Mary to herself, no it couldn’t be” and she chose not to listen to it. But it was incessant.
Then the Holy Spirit began to convict Mary, ever so gently, about selfishness, about what would bring God glory and a life separated for God. Mary was hard pressed to find anything about buying this cottage that would bring God glory and that would be in service to him. Then it hit her like a lead pipe. It was a great “thud” that hit upon her heart as she realized Jesus’ great commission to preach to the whole world might not be possible hidden away from the world in a cottage.
Still Mary had chosen to convince herself that the dream was of God and so it all had to be possible. The final murmur of the Holy Spirit began like some small seaside lap of water trickling over rocks at shore that turned into a tidal wave of reality that swallowed up the whole idea of this dream home. In an instant Mary’s dream had dissipated much like the homes at Katrina had broken apart and floated along leaving their owners homeless.
Mary had been listening to a speaker on the radio for a week speaking of God’s presence leaving a church or place. Mary had felt the glory of God had gone out of her life. The minister had been using the test of 1 Samuel 4 and a story of a battle between the Israelites and the Philistines. The Israelites had chosen to fight this battle without checking with God. In their desperation to win a second battle, after being defeated in the first, they went and retrieved the Ark of the Covenant. However, their attitude stunk. They were using the ark like a talisman to gain a win. Their actions showed how far the Israelites had strayed from God. They were not in God’s will and they were using the ark to get their own way.
Mary was struck down with conviction. She had been looking to any sign or symbol to propel her forward in moving into this new home. She had been like the Israelites quoting scripture, praising God and using everything she heard as support in her end to gain what she wanted.
But that day she had to ask herself “Was this what God wanted for her or her life? “ Then she was finally able to admit that she, perhaps, in her humaneness had rushed ahead of God without asking Him what He wanted. Then the heaviness of the repercussions of it all hit her like an aftershock. If this wasn’t God’s will then “What?” and the what echoed around her in all her empty rooms, her cleaned out garage, and the vision of the cottage that suddenly began to grow dimmer and dimmer with only an outline of a rooftop floating down river out of sight and apparently out of her life.
Was there any reason to ask God if the cottage was His will for her life? It didn’t seem necessary to Mary. She had gone on ahead of God without asking. All around her was the debris left in her choice made without God and His glory had gone.
Yet Mary was determined to retrace her steps and go to the foot of the cross and ask God what He thought at this point. She would have to be satisfied with the answer He gave her. Was it desperation? No. What was it then? What it was had been, finally, what she should have done originally: made an attempt to show God the respect and love she should have given Him in the first place. Hadn’t God drawn her into a greater intimacy all these years that demanded He be a Number One priority in all her decisions? Yes.
Despite what Mary felt would be the answer she no longer felt presumptuous enough to pretend she could read God’s mind. She would take the matter up in her prayer time with her husband Robin. It was the way they started every day together and this day would be no different. Mary may have been a little discouraged at herself but she knew God’s love enough to know that no matter what “all things worked together for good for those who trusted God” and this occasion was no different. So despite the sadness she felt at disappointing God and the letdown of a possible burst bubble Mary was determined to trust God no matter. So she would pray and ask God’s will in the matter and then wait and see. With this thought in mind Mary got up from her morning coffee and went forward for the day glad she had finally heard from God through all the whispering the Holy Spirit had been doing. God loved her despite her failings and yes, despite even this last faux pas.
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