Mary read early that morning from two translations of the Bible. One said: “Thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress" (Ps. 4:1). The other translation said: “You have relieved me in my distress”. It caught Mary’s attention and so she sought the commentaries meaning for this verse. It indicated that the person speaking was pressed or confined and knew not how to escape and God interposed and gave him room so he felt free.
Mary thought to herself:” I see the last few weeks the gift of freedom as you showed me in revelation how fear had entered in and I was paranoid about spending due to focusing on the law of budgeting and finances rather than trusting you. It has been with great relief I have begun to enjoy living again. I have even bought extra Christmas decorations at the St. Vincent de Paul. Robin came with me and we found a beautiful big blue star that we hung outside. Robin had to modify its electrical workings so we could place it high above the upstairs window in the elements. It was on for half price for $3.50. It was an awesome deal at $7 and so we felt ecstatic at this and our other little purchases.”
Mary had indeed been set free and felt God had also given her a measure of contentment – something she prayed for - for years and years. Partially Mary felt this came as a result of God putting a desire in her heart to be thankful. She had awoken early on the American Thanksgiving morning and felt a voice inside here urge her to praise God. Obediently she had done it quietly in her prayer closet, then on the way to work with Robin and later she wrote a list of all the things in her life she was grateful for.
Equipped with her list Mary took a run over to the little church which opened its doors between 12 and 1pm for prayer. As she sat down to offer up some prayers of thanksgiving Mary was interrupted by the minister: did she need prayer? Mary thought about it for a long moment before answering: “Not really. Today I am here just to give thanks. I am always asking God for things so today I am just going to praise and bless him. If you would like to do that you are welcome to but I have nothing I would like prayed for.” The young minister looked a bit surprised but afterwards, as she prayed silently, she overheard the pastor praising and thanking God. Mary smiled.
Later that day, throughout making dinner, and doing her chores Mary showed her appreciation to God with songs and words of exaltation. Mary found herself filled with peace and joy and a new contentment that evaded her these many weeks and months overwhelmed her. Suddenly Mary realized she was completely indifferent about whether she moved or not. If she stayed or departed, it was of little consequence. She found this quite interesting and could only put it down to what God had been doing within her between showing her the fear she had acquired and putting it in her heart to be grateful. It didn’t much matter. What did seem significant was that she no longer cared if they ever moved. God would supply their needs where ever they were and if they were to stay in this house that was just fine. And if God didn’t see fit to look after their needs then there would be a message and a lesson in the trial that they would face.
Mary was grateful that Sunday morning as she and Robin drove off to church. She had been set free in so many ways lately. As she drove along considering the early morning readings she felt a warmth and reassurance for indeed, God had enlarged her space and relieved her distress of these last months and days.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
The Breakthrough
For quite a few months Mary had been diligently watching her funds, taking no chances in overspending by keeping to the four walls of her house, and attempting to preserve their financial status. However, the more Mary did this the more their money seemed to slip away from them.
It was on a shopping trip one day with another Christian friend that the breakthrough came. Oh, it was not the kind you think, dear reader. Nor was there any great windfall from heaven – at least not from a monetary view. But what did come was a revelation worth its weight in gold!
It was during a discussion regarding a financial advisor both women knew that the truth came out. Mary’s friend had been listening to this speaker at night on the radio. However, as she shared with Mary, it was revealed that her friend grew more and more frightened from what the speaker dictated. There was a panic developing inside and a fear. The more Mary’s friend listened to this show the more she grew concerned about every penny she spent.
Mary sat listening in the car that day to her friend with her mouth open and her eyes widening in recognition. She, too, had felt this way. She, too, had become paranoid over her spending. In that conversation Mary recognized God had spoken to her heart in a whisper lately about what she had been doing. God had queried Mary as to what He had done in the past. Mary knew God had supplied her need over and over again during most of the years of her Christian life. But when she heard the question Mary thought she was to perhaps reflect on God’s reliance that He would indeed supply her needs in the future as He had done during all her history.
However, when Mary’s friend began to reveal her own fear that was beginning to sink into her soul after listening to this money man Mary saw something else. She recognized God wanted Mary to reflect on God’s goodness in her past life to help her dismiss the fear that had also taken root in her life.
This fear had been subtle at first starting with concern over keeping to a budget. Then the concern turned to preoccupation with not only their resources but their spending. Finally, the obsession had become full blown so Mary was no longer seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Rather the fear lead to negative conclusions on her and Robin’s financial existence. It lead to this point in her history where she began to think they would lose their house, have to move, and on and on the torment went.
The mercy and grace of God that day in the car revealed Mary’s heart of fear. Mary repented almost immediately. The day out with a Christian friend had turned into a freedom from bondage. It was exhilarating and freeing to find herself delivered of this yoke.
As Mary drove away from dropping off her friend at home that day Mary felt the fear dissolve replaced by joy and peace. Mary was so grateful that God had broken through that day to speak His truth and love into her heart. The more Mary reflected on it the more God revealed how He had supplied her needs in her life and it was not because Mary froze up in fear, became obsessed with budgeting and stopped living. Rather Mary recognized her faith and steps of faith had pleased God because it was often times when Mary had very little that she took huge steps of faith financially in her walk with God.
She recalled all those years having a business in Toronto. She had a $6,000 overdraft which she used constantly to its limit. She didn’t bury her “talents” but used every penny. Mary knew this had pleased God though it had troubled her ex-husband that she had taken such risks. He had been too much like her neighbour.
Mary’s neighbour’s name was Wally. He was the carpet guy who rented the building next to her on a commercial strip in Toronto. Wally had a large overdraft, too, which he never used. Wally sat in his store day after day but never took any steps up faith to increase his stock. His business was not prosperous and he barely had his needs met. There was nothing in the store that showed prosperity or excitement about what he did. Wally was always sitting, smoking and waiting until someone came in to his store. After they would leave he would always complain about the customer. It was always the customer’s fault that they didn’t buy. It had nothing to do with Wally’s attitude or the way he presented his business. No, it was always the other person’s fault.
The way Wally ran his business had been a huge lesson to Mary. Witnessing his fear and how it ran his life Mary had been determined to run her business in quite a different manner and in fact, she did. In a time when the interest rates were almost 22% Mary filled her gift store with beautiful things and treasures every woman loved. Perhaps it was because the times were hard when most people needed a little comforting that she sold so many things or perhaps it was the attitude of her heart. No matter the economy Mary always did well because her positive attitude and trust in God showed.
Now as Mary reflected on her past she saw how her faith in God had been a blessing. Mary had been hearing lately in her heart of hearts that without faith it is impossible to believe God. This did not mean Mary was to become reckless in her spending but over and above everything Mary was to live her life for God and His kingdom, trust Him, and walk in faith. Her heart’s desire that day in prayer a week or so ago had been to bring God glory no matter what her life was like.
This breakthrough that seemed to come on the wings of this prayer changed things dramatically for the way Mary felt and acted. In fact, the drive inside her to move left Mary completely. She realized that perhaps buying the cottage and then thinking about moving to Windsor were attempts to escape the fear she had felt possess her soul. A great calm came over Mary. She was delivered!
The following morning as Mary began her day with prayer she read in scripture how Abraham and Sarah had waited until they were in their old age to have their promised Son, Isaac. They had waited and waited year after year until Sarah finally heard that next year at this time she would have a child she laughed. It must have seemed absurd to a woman in her 80’s that she would bear a child. But she did.
However, her life had been one of wait. Mary reflected on this drama, how it played out, and realized sometimes we need to be prepared to wait on God. Mary had never asked God “when” they would move to Windsor. Nor did Mary ask God “when” He would restore the years the locust has stolen from her financially as well as career wise. Out of this morning reflection Mary came away realizing the “when” of all her dreams may not be now at all. Mary believed God had a perfect timing and when He was ready He would move. Mary did not know when that was going to be and she knew God was not in the business of sharing when in the future things would happen. So Mary would trust and wait.
For now she was delighted and felt delivered of a bondage to preoccupation with her spending. She had been released. Today was a new day. Who knew what the future held or when things would transpire. The important thing was to live now, serve God, and love Him with her whole heart, soul, and mind and love her neighbour as herself. With a silent prayer that morning Mary started her day anxious to see God’s face in all those around her and the need presented there.
It was on a shopping trip one day with another Christian friend that the breakthrough came. Oh, it was not the kind you think, dear reader. Nor was there any great windfall from heaven – at least not from a monetary view. But what did come was a revelation worth its weight in gold!
It was during a discussion regarding a financial advisor both women knew that the truth came out. Mary’s friend had been listening to this speaker at night on the radio. However, as she shared with Mary, it was revealed that her friend grew more and more frightened from what the speaker dictated. There was a panic developing inside and a fear. The more Mary’s friend listened to this show the more she grew concerned about every penny she spent.
Mary sat listening in the car that day to her friend with her mouth open and her eyes widening in recognition. She, too, had felt this way. She, too, had become paranoid over her spending. In that conversation Mary recognized God had spoken to her heart in a whisper lately about what she had been doing. God had queried Mary as to what He had done in the past. Mary knew God had supplied her need over and over again during most of the years of her Christian life. But when she heard the question Mary thought she was to perhaps reflect on God’s reliance that He would indeed supply her needs in the future as He had done during all her history.
However, when Mary’s friend began to reveal her own fear that was beginning to sink into her soul after listening to this money man Mary saw something else. She recognized God wanted Mary to reflect on God’s goodness in her past life to help her dismiss the fear that had also taken root in her life.
This fear had been subtle at first starting with concern over keeping to a budget. Then the concern turned to preoccupation with not only their resources but their spending. Finally, the obsession had become full blown so Mary was no longer seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Rather the fear lead to negative conclusions on her and Robin’s financial existence. It lead to this point in her history where she began to think they would lose their house, have to move, and on and on the torment went.
The mercy and grace of God that day in the car revealed Mary’s heart of fear. Mary repented almost immediately. The day out with a Christian friend had turned into a freedom from bondage. It was exhilarating and freeing to find herself delivered of this yoke.
As Mary drove away from dropping off her friend at home that day Mary felt the fear dissolve replaced by joy and peace. Mary was so grateful that God had broken through that day to speak His truth and love into her heart. The more Mary reflected on it the more God revealed how He had supplied her needs in her life and it was not because Mary froze up in fear, became obsessed with budgeting and stopped living. Rather Mary recognized her faith and steps of faith had pleased God because it was often times when Mary had very little that she took huge steps of faith financially in her walk with God.
She recalled all those years having a business in Toronto. She had a $6,000 overdraft which she used constantly to its limit. She didn’t bury her “talents” but used every penny. Mary knew this had pleased God though it had troubled her ex-husband that she had taken such risks. He had been too much like her neighbour.
Mary’s neighbour’s name was Wally. He was the carpet guy who rented the building next to her on a commercial strip in Toronto. Wally had a large overdraft, too, which he never used. Wally sat in his store day after day but never took any steps up faith to increase his stock. His business was not prosperous and he barely had his needs met. There was nothing in the store that showed prosperity or excitement about what he did. Wally was always sitting, smoking and waiting until someone came in to his store. After they would leave he would always complain about the customer. It was always the customer’s fault that they didn’t buy. It had nothing to do with Wally’s attitude or the way he presented his business. No, it was always the other person’s fault.
The way Wally ran his business had been a huge lesson to Mary. Witnessing his fear and how it ran his life Mary had been determined to run her business in quite a different manner and in fact, she did. In a time when the interest rates were almost 22% Mary filled her gift store with beautiful things and treasures every woman loved. Perhaps it was because the times were hard when most people needed a little comforting that she sold so many things or perhaps it was the attitude of her heart. No matter the economy Mary always did well because her positive attitude and trust in God showed.
Now as Mary reflected on her past she saw how her faith in God had been a blessing. Mary had been hearing lately in her heart of hearts that without faith it is impossible to believe God. This did not mean Mary was to become reckless in her spending but over and above everything Mary was to live her life for God and His kingdom, trust Him, and walk in faith. Her heart’s desire that day in prayer a week or so ago had been to bring God glory no matter what her life was like.
This breakthrough that seemed to come on the wings of this prayer changed things dramatically for the way Mary felt and acted. In fact, the drive inside her to move left Mary completely. She realized that perhaps buying the cottage and then thinking about moving to Windsor were attempts to escape the fear she had felt possess her soul. A great calm came over Mary. She was delivered!
The following morning as Mary began her day with prayer she read in scripture how Abraham and Sarah had waited until they were in their old age to have their promised Son, Isaac. They had waited and waited year after year until Sarah finally heard that next year at this time she would have a child she laughed. It must have seemed absurd to a woman in her 80’s that she would bear a child. But she did.
However, her life had been one of wait. Mary reflected on this drama, how it played out, and realized sometimes we need to be prepared to wait on God. Mary had never asked God “when” they would move to Windsor. Nor did Mary ask God “when” He would restore the years the locust has stolen from her financially as well as career wise. Out of this morning reflection Mary came away realizing the “when” of all her dreams may not be now at all. Mary believed God had a perfect timing and when He was ready He would move. Mary did not know when that was going to be and she knew God was not in the business of sharing when in the future things would happen. So Mary would trust and wait.
For now she was delighted and felt delivered of a bondage to preoccupation with her spending. She had been released. Today was a new day. Who knew what the future held or when things would transpire. The important thing was to live now, serve God, and love Him with her whole heart, soul, and mind and love her neighbour as herself. With a silent prayer that morning Mary started her day anxious to see God’s face in all those around her and the need presented there.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Rolling Along!
The next week began with a little redecorating; Mary and Robin had put up the Christmas tree. It was important, Mary felt, that life go on despite no movement on the sale of the house. No one had even looked at it for at least a month and half. So Mary had decided to deck the halls with all the trimmings. Along with this Mary had washed some of the curtains in the downstairs bedroom and re hung them in the dining room where they added a lot of Christmas pizzazz to the room because the curtains were a bright red and just looked so festive. The bedroom curtains were replaced with some pretty blue check valances Mary had purchased at a garage sale for the cottage. Since they weren’t moving there Mary dug them out to add some crisp freshness to this little bedroom. They went very well and complimented the other blue check pillows and bed skirt Mary already had in that room.
The third thing that happened was a large pine buffet and hutch Mary had in her possession since Toronto finally sold on Kijiji. Mary had emptied the cabinets of their contents months ago so they were just sitting there taking up space. Once the cabinets were gone it left the dining room looking much bigger. Mary was glad for the $300 from this sale. She was going to deposit the money in the bank to help pay her visa bill.
During this time the message that kept repeating itself to Mary was to trust in God with all her heart. She was not to lean on her own understanding but in all her ways acknowledge God and He would direct her path. Further the message was to commit her way to the Lord and trust him, or as one translation put it to “roll upon Jehovah your way, trust upon him and he worketh”. “Trust, trust, trust”, that was part of the message. But Mary felt she was not only to trust but seek God’s wisdom at a time when she wasn’t certain what the next move was. Oh yes, they heard they were to move to Windsor but doubts had begun to crawl in suggesting maybe she had once again drawn her own conclusions from what she read. Mary felt she was at her “wits end”. The more reason to trust God and seek His wisdom, Mary told herself.
And Mary was trusting God, wasn’t she? No doubt she was as she was living in the moment and doing what was at hand to do and waiting daily for direction. Each day came and each day went. What tomorrow would bring she didn’t know – today had enough worries of its own. As for this house and the sale of it and the purchase of another one in Windsor: what of it? She didn’t know and had decided to roll all these cares and her ways onto God, as God directed her to do and just trust Him for the next step. There was nothing more to say for the moment but to live in it and wait. And so she did.
The third thing that happened was a large pine buffet and hutch Mary had in her possession since Toronto finally sold on Kijiji. Mary had emptied the cabinets of their contents months ago so they were just sitting there taking up space. Once the cabinets were gone it left the dining room looking much bigger. Mary was glad for the $300 from this sale. She was going to deposit the money in the bank to help pay her visa bill.
During this time the message that kept repeating itself to Mary was to trust in God with all her heart. She was not to lean on her own understanding but in all her ways acknowledge God and He would direct her path. Further the message was to commit her way to the Lord and trust him, or as one translation put it to “roll upon Jehovah your way, trust upon him and he worketh”. “Trust, trust, trust”, that was part of the message. But Mary felt she was not only to trust but seek God’s wisdom at a time when she wasn’t certain what the next move was. Oh yes, they heard they were to move to Windsor but doubts had begun to crawl in suggesting maybe she had once again drawn her own conclusions from what she read. Mary felt she was at her “wits end”. The more reason to trust God and seek His wisdom, Mary told herself.
And Mary was trusting God, wasn’t she? No doubt she was as she was living in the moment and doing what was at hand to do and waiting daily for direction. Each day came and each day went. What tomorrow would bring she didn’t know – today had enough worries of its own. As for this house and the sale of it and the purchase of another one in Windsor: what of it? She didn’t know and had decided to roll all these cares and her ways onto God, as God directed her to do and just trust Him for the next step. There was nothing more to say for the moment but to live in it and wait. And so she did.
All Is Well
She was beginning to get it. God’s message was clear. The week had been one of rest and retreat from the world. The only time she had gone out was with Carolyn to a local church. There was an hour during the day when the sanctuary was open for those who wished to pray. Mary and Carolyn had gone.
It had been an answer to prayer that morning because Mary felt she wanted to be closer to God but the distractions of home prevented her from this goal. This particular Wednesday Mary had phoned Carolyn in error. She had dialled Carolyn’s number by mistake – at least that is what she thought at first. However, when the day was done and Mary looked back at it she realized God orchestrated the event. There were no signs and wonders during her prayer time that noon hour at the church. The only thing special was a feeling of closer intimacy with God.
What was coming that week seemed to be the recognition that God was in control. God gave and took away, God made rich and God made poor as Robin Mark said in his song “All is well”. Mary sang along morning after morning “all is well with my soul”. Was she getting to the place that all was well with her soul? Perhaps, but more importantly Mary was beginning to see that God could give but He also took away.
Hadn’t she been learning that through the financial situation they were in? It seemed since before Thanksgiving no matter how hard she tried to keep within her budget something came up to force her to use her visa. First, it was Bernie’s operation, then the new kittens neutering, and now just this week Molly, their Jack Russell needed to go to the veterinarian. She had been limping around for a couple of days after chewing and itching her four feet. It looked like she had allergies.
However, when they got to the vet it turned out she had not only allergies but one of her pads was raw from where the dog had been chewing on it. The doctor said she had possibly a callous or blister she had opened. Mary was amazed at that because she herself had been limping around suffering with a callous on the bottom of her foot as well as a bunion. Was Molly’s condition just a reflection of Mary’s? Who knew. At any rate Mary felt not only physical pain but an certain amount of angst at not being able to do her walking anymore.
Mary began to take authority over her sore foot. She spoke in to the spiritual realm some scriptures promising that “by Jesus stripes we are healed”. However, as the week progressed she began to see that perhaps God was sending a message. He was God; to God belonged the glory, honour, and praise. As it said in Romans 11:36 (NLT): “Everything comes from Him; everything exists by His power and is intended for his glory”. The scriptures spoke to Mary: everything was meant to be for God’s His glory. Had everything she had done been for God’s glory? In her prayer that day at the church she asked God to give her the grace so that whether she did nothing but stay at home or if he put her back in the work force that she would do everything for God’s glory.
“God giveth and God taketh away”, thought Mary. “You are in control, Lord “she continued,” and all power and glory are yours, for thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory,” she finished. Mary had come into a place of rest that week to hear from God. Out of His grace and mercy He had brought her into His presence to remind Mary that He was God and He gave and took away.
Finally, on the Thursday morning the words of scripture that had been whispered to Mary over and over that week were life. “By grace she was saved through faith and not by works”, she had heard. It fit in with the message that had come her way. God was God and He who foreknew her, predestined her, called her, justified her would also glorify her. Mary had little to do with her salvation and her calling. God was speaking loud and clear that week. It had humbled Mary. As God spoke to her heart Mary recognized that God humbled and He exalted. Mary so desired to be content in all things, as St Paul had wrote, so no matter how long God kept her in this place she was in she would learn this lesson.
Mary considered Moses who had been in Midian for fourty years before hearing God speak in the burning bush and calling him to his ministry to lead out the Israelites from Egypt. “He must have learned contentment waiting for his call,” Mary told herself. All in all Mary knew his call had come because God’s plan for Moses’ life was set in stone before he was born. So was hers, she thought to herself. She must learn to be content in all things. God was God and could do what He wanted. Hadn’t He been showing her that this week? Whatever would transpire in Mary’s life whether it would riches or poverty, position or de-positioning, she heard God say all came from Him, everything was for His glory and it was by His grace alone, through faith, she was saved.
Mary read that morning from Streams in the Desert:
It had been an answer to prayer that morning because Mary felt she wanted to be closer to God but the distractions of home prevented her from this goal. This particular Wednesday Mary had phoned Carolyn in error. She had dialled Carolyn’s number by mistake – at least that is what she thought at first. However, when the day was done and Mary looked back at it she realized God orchestrated the event. There were no signs and wonders during her prayer time that noon hour at the church. The only thing special was a feeling of closer intimacy with God.
What was coming that week seemed to be the recognition that God was in control. God gave and took away, God made rich and God made poor as Robin Mark said in his song “All is well”. Mary sang along morning after morning “all is well with my soul”. Was she getting to the place that all was well with her soul? Perhaps, but more importantly Mary was beginning to see that God could give but He also took away.
Hadn’t she been learning that through the financial situation they were in? It seemed since before Thanksgiving no matter how hard she tried to keep within her budget something came up to force her to use her visa. First, it was Bernie’s operation, then the new kittens neutering, and now just this week Molly, their Jack Russell needed to go to the veterinarian. She had been limping around for a couple of days after chewing and itching her four feet. It looked like she had allergies.
However, when they got to the vet it turned out she had not only allergies but one of her pads was raw from where the dog had been chewing on it. The doctor said she had possibly a callous or blister she had opened. Mary was amazed at that because she herself had been limping around suffering with a callous on the bottom of her foot as well as a bunion. Was Molly’s condition just a reflection of Mary’s? Who knew. At any rate Mary felt not only physical pain but an certain amount of angst at not being able to do her walking anymore.
Mary began to take authority over her sore foot. She spoke in to the spiritual realm some scriptures promising that “by Jesus stripes we are healed”. However, as the week progressed she began to see that perhaps God was sending a message. He was God; to God belonged the glory, honour, and praise. As it said in Romans 11:36 (NLT): “Everything comes from Him; everything exists by His power and is intended for his glory”. The scriptures spoke to Mary: everything was meant to be for God’s His glory. Had everything she had done been for God’s glory? In her prayer that day at the church she asked God to give her the grace so that whether she did nothing but stay at home or if he put her back in the work force that she would do everything for God’s glory.
“God giveth and God taketh away”, thought Mary. “You are in control, Lord “she continued,” and all power and glory are yours, for thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory,” she finished. Mary had come into a place of rest that week to hear from God. Out of His grace and mercy He had brought her into His presence to remind Mary that He was God and He gave and took away.
Finally, on the Thursday morning the words of scripture that had been whispered to Mary over and over that week were life. “By grace she was saved through faith and not by works”, she had heard. It fit in with the message that had come her way. God was God and He who foreknew her, predestined her, called her, justified her would also glorify her. Mary had little to do with her salvation and her calling. God was speaking loud and clear that week. It had humbled Mary. As God spoke to her heart Mary recognized that God humbled and He exalted. Mary so desired to be content in all things, as St Paul had wrote, so no matter how long God kept her in this place she was in she would learn this lesson.
Mary considered Moses who had been in Midian for fourty years before hearing God speak in the burning bush and calling him to his ministry to lead out the Israelites from Egypt. “He must have learned contentment waiting for his call,” Mary told herself. All in all Mary knew his call had come because God’s plan for Moses’ life was set in stone before he was born. So was hers, she thought to herself. She must learn to be content in all things. God was God and could do what He wanted. Hadn’t He been showing her that this week? Whatever would transpire in Mary’s life whether it would riches or poverty, position or de-positioning, she heard God say all came from Him, everything was for His glory and it was by His grace alone, through faith, she was saved.
Mary read that morning from Streams in the Desert:
The pressure of hard places makes us value life. Every time our life is given back to us from such a trial, it is like a new beginning, and we learn better how much it is worth, and make more of it for God and man.Mary wanted the lesson of this time to last. She knew in her heart of hearts she wanted her life to be lived out for God’s glory and not her own. She couldn’t even do that, though, she realized, without God’s grace and mercy. She could not rely on herself only on God to do this. God alone could and would bring her through the hard place of this financial situation. No matter what happened, she would trust and believe: all was well with her soul, all was well!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Enlightenment
Despite the encouragement she had received the last few days Mary found herself a bit depressed. It was still not settled in her soul whether or not she and Robin were to move to Windsor. The words of the visiting evangelist at church on Sunday kept ringing in her ears repeating themselves that: “the manifestation of God, the glory of God, was going to be seen in Windsor”. It was like a voice whispering and calling her to go to Windsor.
It was during prayer time the next day she read the sweet comfort of Deuteronomy 33:27 that “the eternal God is our refuge and dwelling place, and underneath us are the everlasting arms; he drives out the enemy before us.” Added to this notion of God as the dwelling place or home came the words of John that “God is light and in him there is no darkness at all”. Mary was certainly in the dark about what to do. She reminded herself of another passage of John that said He was “the true light that enlightened everyone.”
She certainly needed direction this morning and felt God did speak through a passage of scripture in Joshua where she was reading. She had come to the passage in chapter 18 where Joshua rebuked seven tribes of the Israelites. They had conquered the Promised Land but had slacked off and not taken possession of it. Joshua ordered the people to go in and survey the land, map it into seven sections and he would draw lots to see who got what.
Mary was so excited when she read this because she realized perhaps her and Robin’s answer was here in the text. Perhaps they needed to be more specific about where they wanted to move to. Perhaps they, too, had to go in and survey the land, map it and draw lots to see which area in particular in Windsor God wanted them to move to.
Mary couldn’t wait to share this with Robin on the way into work during their prayer time. That ride into work proved a bit nerve wracking to begin with as a thick fog covered the fields and trees as they drove along. “This is the thickest fog I think I have ever seen”, Mary said to Robin. She didn’t want him to see how edgy it was making her feel so she focused on prayer and the new revelation from scripture.
Robin was not only agreeable to casting lots but felt in his heart that one area stood out: Parent Street and Howard. Mary was familiar with Howard but didn’t know of Parent. She would have to check it out on a map. As they shared and prayed about this decision to cast lots about where they should relocate to a wonderful sight caught Mary and Robin’s attention: it was an awesome scene.
You see, as they drove towards Windsor, the sun came through just a little and before them the foggy mist that had been so dark even through headlights took on a glow. It is hard to explain but as they meandered along, off to their left, it was like a flashlight from heaven shone down through the fog. It seemed to create a beam of light only in one slim column of the mist. It lightened up that stretch of Walker Road almost all the way to Windsor.
And in her head Mary was reminded of the passage that “signs and wonders follow”. The key word there was “follow”. This light in the fog was a sign. It followed the direction Mary felt God was taking them to – somewhere in Windsor. That somewhere He would show them.
Mary found a new hope and excitement rise up inside her at the revelation and sign. After driving Robin to work she stopped on Howard to pick up a bird house she had seen that someone had thrown out. It was too good to pass up.
Looking at the little wooden bird house suddenly made Mary laugh! It wasn’t just a bird house, but a home! She smiled when she thought of that and laughed heartily when she thought of her husband’s name, Robin. “Its Robin’s house,” Mary remarked to herself and added” How delightful is that?”
It, too, seemed to be a sign pointing towards them finding a new habitat. What began as a rather dismal depressing day turned into a day of rejoicing. Mary didn’t know where it would lead but found it very exciting. She couldn’t wait for her and Robin to check out the different areas of Windsor, map them out and draw lots to see which area God was directing them to. How intimate was that with both her husband and God? She couldn’t wait. A new day had dawned and a new home somewhere down the road – in Windsor- awaited them.
It was during prayer time the next day she read the sweet comfort of Deuteronomy 33:27 that “the eternal God is our refuge and dwelling place, and underneath us are the everlasting arms; he drives out the enemy before us.” Added to this notion of God as the dwelling place or home came the words of John that “God is light and in him there is no darkness at all”. Mary was certainly in the dark about what to do. She reminded herself of another passage of John that said He was “the true light that enlightened everyone.”
She certainly needed direction this morning and felt God did speak through a passage of scripture in Joshua where she was reading. She had come to the passage in chapter 18 where Joshua rebuked seven tribes of the Israelites. They had conquered the Promised Land but had slacked off and not taken possession of it. Joshua ordered the people to go in and survey the land, map it into seven sections and he would draw lots to see who got what.
Mary was so excited when she read this because she realized perhaps her and Robin’s answer was here in the text. Perhaps they needed to be more specific about where they wanted to move to. Perhaps they, too, had to go in and survey the land, map it and draw lots to see which area in particular in Windsor God wanted them to move to.
Mary couldn’t wait to share this with Robin on the way into work during their prayer time. That ride into work proved a bit nerve wracking to begin with as a thick fog covered the fields and trees as they drove along. “This is the thickest fog I think I have ever seen”, Mary said to Robin. She didn’t want him to see how edgy it was making her feel so she focused on prayer and the new revelation from scripture.
Robin was not only agreeable to casting lots but felt in his heart that one area stood out: Parent Street and Howard. Mary was familiar with Howard but didn’t know of Parent. She would have to check it out on a map. As they shared and prayed about this decision to cast lots about where they should relocate to a wonderful sight caught Mary and Robin’s attention: it was an awesome scene.
You see, as they drove towards Windsor, the sun came through just a little and before them the foggy mist that had been so dark even through headlights took on a glow. It is hard to explain but as they meandered along, off to their left, it was like a flashlight from heaven shone down through the fog. It seemed to create a beam of light only in one slim column of the mist. It lightened up that stretch of Walker Road almost all the way to Windsor.
And in her head Mary was reminded of the passage that “signs and wonders follow”. The key word there was “follow”. This light in the fog was a sign. It followed the direction Mary felt God was taking them to – somewhere in Windsor. That somewhere He would show them.
Mary found a new hope and excitement rise up inside her at the revelation and sign. After driving Robin to work she stopped on Howard to pick up a bird house she had seen that someone had thrown out. It was too good to pass up.
Looking at the little wooden bird house suddenly made Mary laugh! It wasn’t just a bird house, but a home! She smiled when she thought of that and laughed heartily when she thought of her husband’s name, Robin. “Its Robin’s house,” Mary remarked to herself and added” How delightful is that?”
It, too, seemed to be a sign pointing towards them finding a new habitat. What began as a rather dismal depressing day turned into a day of rejoicing. Mary didn’t know where it would lead but found it very exciting. She couldn’t wait for her and Robin to check out the different areas of Windsor, map them out and draw lots to see which area God was directing them to. How intimate was that with both her husband and God? She couldn’t wait. A new day had dawned and a new home somewhere down the road – in Windsor- awaited them.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The Message is Reinforced
The following day Mary found herself working in the kitchen for the most part of the morning. She had cooked all the pumpkins and now was making up a recipe of chocolate cake and pumpkin that her Pastor had suggested was good to help her be regular. She made enough from one jar to make 12 small muffins, 8 large muffins tops, and a muffin cake in the shape of a cross. The later she was sending off with Robin to give to the pastors and staff for a snack.
Needless to say Mary found herself covered in chocolate and feeling high from the sugary residue she had ingested. At lunch she had stopped to pick a few things up at the grocery store and spent her last 15 dollars. It was nice to find a free shopping cart someone had abandoned. This always pleased Mary because it was like getting 25cents off her purchase. Sometimes she found as many as three carts left waiting in the parking lot and she would march them all back to their rightful place and retrieve the 75 cents change for an even more enjoyable moment.
However, today Mary was even more blessed because when she came outside to put her cart back in the stall she noticed a $10 bill sitting on the sale sheet in her cart that someone else had left behind. She hadn’t noticed it sitting there all while she shopped! Mary couldn’t believe her eyes. Boy, was that a delight and a gift from God. It was more proof to Mary that God’s anointing and blessing were on her life and time as it stood right now.
Further delightful evidence came when Robin handed Mary over $5 and change she had told him to keep when he had gone to the store last week for her. Mary had felt sorry for the poor guy at the time because he never took any cash for himself. It wasn’t much but she thought it might afford him the opportunity to buy himself and someone else a coffee someday. But here he was giving her back this money. However, it only reinforced the message God was trying to get across: that her assignment and anointing were in this house. Mary was grateful for these blessings because they encouraged her to go on. She wasn’t to look elsewhere but be satisfied with where she was right now.
God would supply their financial needs just as he had done now. She had spent $15 but between the found money in the cart and Robin’s gift she now had back the money she had started out with! God was amazing. What else was He going to do? Mary didn’t know but she would wait and see. God wasn’t finished with her yet!
Needless to say Mary found herself covered in chocolate and feeling high from the sugary residue she had ingested. At lunch she had stopped to pick a few things up at the grocery store and spent her last 15 dollars. It was nice to find a free shopping cart someone had abandoned. This always pleased Mary because it was like getting 25cents off her purchase. Sometimes she found as many as three carts left waiting in the parking lot and she would march them all back to their rightful place and retrieve the 75 cents change for an even more enjoyable moment.
However, today Mary was even more blessed because when she came outside to put her cart back in the stall she noticed a $10 bill sitting on the sale sheet in her cart that someone else had left behind. She hadn’t noticed it sitting there all while she shopped! Mary couldn’t believe her eyes. Boy, was that a delight and a gift from God. It was more proof to Mary that God’s anointing and blessing were on her life and time as it stood right now.
Further delightful evidence came when Robin handed Mary over $5 and change she had told him to keep when he had gone to the store last week for her. Mary had felt sorry for the poor guy at the time because he never took any cash for himself. It wasn’t much but she thought it might afford him the opportunity to buy himself and someone else a coffee someday. But here he was giving her back this money. However, it only reinforced the message God was trying to get across: that her assignment and anointing were in this house. Mary was grateful for these blessings because they encouraged her to go on. She wasn’t to look elsewhere but be satisfied with where she was right now.
God would supply their financial needs just as he had done now. She had spent $15 but between the found money in the cart and Robin’s gift she now had back the money she had started out with! God was amazing. What else was He going to do? Mary didn’t know but she would wait and see. God wasn’t finished with her yet!
Power is in This House
It dawned on Mary that happiness could be experienced here and now and not in a new house somewhere else. Happiness was not only something to be grasped later on- in a heavenly home. It could be here and now because she was the temple of the Holy Spirit – His home and His house! Sunday morning this idea came upon her. She and Robin had prayed on the way to church for continued direction about buying a house in Windsor. Then when they got to church she listened to the visiting evangelist who kept repeating “Jesus is in the house”. The speaker was referring to Mark chapter 2. Jesus was staying in a house in Capernaum. It was so packed with visitors there was no more room for even one more person. Then four men carrying a paralyzed man made a hole in the clay roof above Jesus and lowered the paralyzed man down through the hole.
As Mary listened to the sermon the speaker suggested that the “manifestation of God, the glory of God was going to be seen in Windsor”. His message went on to indicate that “Jesus commands a blessing when we come together”. Mary knew the church was also God’s house. So Mary became a little confused about which house God was indicating. However, the one thing that caught Mary’s attention was the minister’s thoughts that “sometimes Jesus is somewhere but we are not where He is – in the house”. It was no clearer when he said: the power of God is in the house. “Which house?” Mary heard herself whisper. “Perhaps both”, came back the logical answer.
Then the very next morning as Mary was cutting up and cooking some pumpkin she listened to a man on the radio speak on power. He spoke on God’s Power and its presence when you walk in your assignment. It was a wonderful message which indicated that the anointing and the power of God comes upon us as we carry out our assignment. Our assignment is to turn people’s hearts to Christ. However, the minister also indicated that Satan would try to draw you away from God’s call. Mary asked herself:” Was that what all these months of wanting to buy a house somewhere else was all about: Satan’s drawing me away from my assignment?”
Mary’s question was interrupted by the speaker who then suggested that God’s power and anointing were only available for God’s purpose. These last months, Mary felt she had done the right thing in closing down shop and cleaning out the house of “things” and getting ready to move. Though they hadn’t sold the house it was clean and free of many idols. Was God’s anointing on this? She wasn’t sure.
However, the last few days she had begun to realize she needed to surrender all her hopes and dreams. In doing so she felt freer and felt the blessings of God and His anointing on her daily routine. Why just this morning hadn’t she found these four untouched pumpkins on her drive home from Windsor? Wasn’t that a blessing since she had been praying for some to make up muffins? And what about the four pretty chair pads she had picked up from the side of the road, the ones she almost passed by: weren’t they a blessing?
She looked at the dining room chairs where the pads now sat. They were the perfect colour and style for that room. Perhaps this was all confirmation of the conclusion Mary had drawn from the last few days that: the Power of God and his anointing was in this house. Yes, it was!
Further, Mary had been learning that God disciplines and corrects His children that He loves. This later message encouraged Mary that the difficulties with finances were all part and parcel of God's discipline in Mary and Robin’s life. It was all meant to draw them closer to God through prayer. Certainly, it was doing that individually as well as a couple.
If God’s power was in this house then, Mary told herself, she would surrender her solution to changing their financial situation by moving. God may move them on but not until he was finished doing what he was working on in their lives right now. That guest speaker at church on Sunday insinuated that “Jesus has priorities and takes care of his own concerns first.”
Later that morning a minister’s simple comment “Occupy until He comes” seemed to confirm this notion. Mary would inhabit this dwelling, this home until God came and keep busy with the talents God gave her. God wasn’t ready for them to move yet; not to a cottage and not to Windsor. All their persistent praying had paid off: Mary and Robin were to stay put in this house and use the talents God gave them. The power was in this house, nowhere else. Mary dug here heels down mentally. She would stay put content that she was doing God’s will.
As Mary listened to the sermon the speaker suggested that the “manifestation of God, the glory of God was going to be seen in Windsor”. His message went on to indicate that “Jesus commands a blessing when we come together”. Mary knew the church was also God’s house. So Mary became a little confused about which house God was indicating. However, the one thing that caught Mary’s attention was the minister’s thoughts that “sometimes Jesus is somewhere but we are not where He is – in the house”. It was no clearer when he said: the power of God is in the house. “Which house?” Mary heard herself whisper. “Perhaps both”, came back the logical answer.
Then the very next morning as Mary was cutting up and cooking some pumpkin she listened to a man on the radio speak on power. He spoke on God’s Power and its presence when you walk in your assignment. It was a wonderful message which indicated that the anointing and the power of God comes upon us as we carry out our assignment. Our assignment is to turn people’s hearts to Christ. However, the minister also indicated that Satan would try to draw you away from God’s call. Mary asked herself:” Was that what all these months of wanting to buy a house somewhere else was all about: Satan’s drawing me away from my assignment?”
Mary’s question was interrupted by the speaker who then suggested that God’s power and anointing were only available for God’s purpose. These last months, Mary felt she had done the right thing in closing down shop and cleaning out the house of “things” and getting ready to move. Though they hadn’t sold the house it was clean and free of many idols. Was God’s anointing on this? She wasn’t sure.
However, the last few days she had begun to realize she needed to surrender all her hopes and dreams. In doing so she felt freer and felt the blessings of God and His anointing on her daily routine. Why just this morning hadn’t she found these four untouched pumpkins on her drive home from Windsor? Wasn’t that a blessing since she had been praying for some to make up muffins? And what about the four pretty chair pads she had picked up from the side of the road, the ones she almost passed by: weren’t they a blessing?
She looked at the dining room chairs where the pads now sat. They were the perfect colour and style for that room. Perhaps this was all confirmation of the conclusion Mary had drawn from the last few days that: the Power of God and his anointing was in this house. Yes, it was!
Further, Mary had been learning that God disciplines and corrects His children that He loves. This later message encouraged Mary that the difficulties with finances were all part and parcel of God's discipline in Mary and Robin’s life. It was all meant to draw them closer to God through prayer. Certainly, it was doing that individually as well as a couple.
If God’s power was in this house then, Mary told herself, she would surrender her solution to changing their financial situation by moving. God may move them on but not until he was finished doing what he was working on in their lives right now. That guest speaker at church on Sunday insinuated that “Jesus has priorities and takes care of his own concerns first.”
Later that morning a minister’s simple comment “Occupy until He comes” seemed to confirm this notion. Mary would inhabit this dwelling, this home until God came and keep busy with the talents God gave her. God wasn’t ready for them to move yet; not to a cottage and not to Windsor. All their persistent praying had paid off: Mary and Robin were to stay put in this house and use the talents God gave them. The power was in this house, nowhere else. Mary dug here heels down mentally. She would stay put content that she was doing God’s will.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Happiness
It had been a rough week for Mary and Robin. Besides her husband getting sick with some intestinal virus Mary, herself, had to take an honest look at herself. In prayer, during the week her friend, Dana, had dealt with a “familiar spirit” which attached itself to Mary when her mother died. The name of the spirit was Jezebel! Mary had looked at it, admitted it, and confessed her sin to God. After reading up on it Mary recognized in herself the rebellious spirit towards authority it spoke of and saw its need for power and control at work in her. Further she saw the manipulation for control in her life which was common with this demon. She had seen it in her mother. When her mother died this spirit had attached itself to Mary.
But the curse had been broken. Mary was free. However, she could see that this spirit perhaps had been busy trying to get its own way in regards to buying the cottage. You see Jezebel served Baal who was a god of self-will and self-want. As she uncovered all these truths Mary wondered if there was any good in her. She knew better however, and trusted that God used everything that was happening to show her just who and what were at play.
One thing Mary knew was that the desire for the cottage (despite it being a selfish desire) had drawn her and Robin to God in prayer. God had answered in his own way: the money spent on Bernie seemed to be God’s signal not do go forward with the purchase of the cottage. They couldn’t afford it now.
On a beautiful Monday afternoon after this revelation Mary drove down to the cottage and sat for a few brief minutes and surrendered it over to God and cast the care of it all on God’s shoulders. Mary shared it with Robin later. On the following morning during their time of prayer Mary and Robin pressed in on God once more for further direction.
Later that day Mary listened to Charles Stanley on the radio. Mary was delighted to hear that his topic concerned “the desires of the heart”. He shared that sometimes we can manipulate things to get the desires of our heart but if they are not God’s will we will suffer disappointment, loss, and sorrow.
Mary had been through that once before while living in Toronto. She had opened a business without God’s approval. It had only lasted a year! She suffered financially as it was not the right timing. Further, she lost her best friend in the process. That was another whole story in itself but needless to say Mary knew exactly what it was to get her own way and had suffered the consequences.
Now she felt better that she did not get her own way regarding the cottage. She knew God put desires in our hearts but they didn’t always look the way we thought they did. Our vision was faulty like the time she had a vision for a dog. In her vision Mary had seen short fat stocky legs and a black spot above the eye of an otherwise all white dog. She assumed it meant she was going to get a Bull Terrier. However, when the time came and the dream came true it was a Jack Russell that her mother dropped into her arms!
This contented Mary's heart that the cottage was not to be. However, perhaps it meant they were still to move but to Windsor. Mary didn’t know. All she knew was she must take everything to God in prayer. She had surrendered the cottage over and realized she wasn’t even sure what she wanted. Charles Stanley made Mary recognize she needed to ask herself what she really wanted. Mary knew her answer: she wanted to be happy. Mary asked herself: Didn’t God want her to be happy? Why of course,” she answered herself. “
Mary decided to follow Psalm 37’s command to delight herself in the Lord and let him give her the desires of her heart. She would commit her way to Him, trust Him, and let Him act and help her! She was tired of holding on to this, trying to figure it all out, and do something about it. Hadn’t she just heard that sometimes God doesn’t answer prayer because we still have something to learn in the situation we are in? She had. So Mary was determined to let go and let God. She was too tired anyways. This later thought made Mary smile as she looked down upon the scripture passage from Psalm 37. Verse seven leapt off the page: “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him” .Even more exciting was the promise of verse 9 that those who hoped in the Lord would “possess the land”!
Mary didn’t want to imagine anything about what that meant but she knew God loved her and had the best possible future for her if she would trust and hope in Him. It was getting too close to dinner time to fantasize anyways. The drive to Windsor to pick up Robin awaited her. Mary closed her Bible and left her meditations behind.
Later that day, much later, in the evening, in fact, she was listening to a song “When All is Said and Done” being sung by Robin Mark. She realized that the lyrics were speaking to her heart. Mary had been living for so long for herself and tonight she wanted nothing more than to gain back all the lost time she had wasted on herself and do it over. But that was not to be. She also longed for the happiness she was beginning to realize would only be found in God. She had felt it once long ago this evasive remedy to all of life’s woes.
It was on a road she often walked to school in Toronto. She had made her Confirmation that day and was journeying along upon a cloud of happiness. She never felt such joy or intimacy with God. In fact, she had never felt that way before. There were others Mary had known who felt God’s presence at a much younger age than she had. Mary thought to herself: “Perhaps my life would have been different if I would have known His presence at an earlier age.” But Mary realized that because her life had been so full of troubles that this possibility was distanced from reality by grief. As she sat listening to the music she recognized that when all was said and done the happiness she so desired in life was not in things, not in houses but in doing His will.
Nor was true happiness here on earth. And as the song played on she heard “You have shown me heaven’s my true home”. Yes, yes, this was it: heaven was her true home and the happiness she sought was there! Hadn’t her Jesus recently whispered in soft gentle words: that He went ahead to prepare a place for her and that His Father’s house had many mansions? Yes, He had.
All the desires of her heart were real but like her vision of her first dog they were a bit faulty and influenced by her flesh. “Oh, this lust of the flesh!” Mary cried to no one in particular. But it was a disgust that was short lived as Mary acknowledged that she was only human. Her salvation was being worked out even through this. Yet she knew that there would always be this battle of her flesh and spirit. Little by little her disgust of her old self was growing as God was creating this clean heart within her cleansing her of all her idols. She wanted to be rid of self altogether to serve God alone.
Yet, no matter what, Mary knew this one thing: life was only the journey to her heart’s desire: the home that awaited her on the other side. That is where true happiness was – with Him. Perhaps the elusive happiness she had been searching for in things, houses, and what have you was waiting for her someday. It was not here. And then suddenly Mary became aware of how she was feeling: she was happy and at peace! In that moment of truth Mary felt once again the gentle warmth of His sweet love as she had that day on the road so many years ago. Mary smiled to herself touched by His presence a foretaste of the future for the best was yet to come.
Even as she thought these thoughts another Robin Mark song entitled Soul’s Desire played and its lyrics spoke truth into the moment about her own life:
“I was wandering all my days from my Father’s House ... Love was calling out to me just to bring me home”
Mary had been wandering from Her Father searching for love “in all the wrong places”. Yes, it was true the best was yet to come but even now she could experience the bliss of His presence...even now she could experience happiness – in the presence of His love.
But the curse had been broken. Mary was free. However, she could see that this spirit perhaps had been busy trying to get its own way in regards to buying the cottage. You see Jezebel served Baal who was a god of self-will and self-want. As she uncovered all these truths Mary wondered if there was any good in her. She knew better however, and trusted that God used everything that was happening to show her just who and what were at play.
One thing Mary knew was that the desire for the cottage (despite it being a selfish desire) had drawn her and Robin to God in prayer. God had answered in his own way: the money spent on Bernie seemed to be God’s signal not do go forward with the purchase of the cottage. They couldn’t afford it now.
On a beautiful Monday afternoon after this revelation Mary drove down to the cottage and sat for a few brief minutes and surrendered it over to God and cast the care of it all on God’s shoulders. Mary shared it with Robin later. On the following morning during their time of prayer Mary and Robin pressed in on God once more for further direction.
Later that day Mary listened to Charles Stanley on the radio. Mary was delighted to hear that his topic concerned “the desires of the heart”. He shared that sometimes we can manipulate things to get the desires of our heart but if they are not God’s will we will suffer disappointment, loss, and sorrow.
Mary had been through that once before while living in Toronto. She had opened a business without God’s approval. It had only lasted a year! She suffered financially as it was not the right timing. Further, she lost her best friend in the process. That was another whole story in itself but needless to say Mary knew exactly what it was to get her own way and had suffered the consequences.
Now she felt better that she did not get her own way regarding the cottage. She knew God put desires in our hearts but they didn’t always look the way we thought they did. Our vision was faulty like the time she had a vision for a dog. In her vision Mary had seen short fat stocky legs and a black spot above the eye of an otherwise all white dog. She assumed it meant she was going to get a Bull Terrier. However, when the time came and the dream came true it was a Jack Russell that her mother dropped into her arms!
This contented Mary's heart that the cottage was not to be. However, perhaps it meant they were still to move but to Windsor. Mary didn’t know. All she knew was she must take everything to God in prayer. She had surrendered the cottage over and realized she wasn’t even sure what she wanted. Charles Stanley made Mary recognize she needed to ask herself what she really wanted. Mary knew her answer: she wanted to be happy. Mary asked herself: Didn’t God want her to be happy? Why of course,” she answered herself. “
Mary decided to follow Psalm 37’s command to delight herself in the Lord and let him give her the desires of her heart. She would commit her way to Him, trust Him, and let Him act and help her! She was tired of holding on to this, trying to figure it all out, and do something about it. Hadn’t she just heard that sometimes God doesn’t answer prayer because we still have something to learn in the situation we are in? She had. So Mary was determined to let go and let God. She was too tired anyways. This later thought made Mary smile as she looked down upon the scripture passage from Psalm 37. Verse seven leapt off the page: “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him” .Even more exciting was the promise of verse 9 that those who hoped in the Lord would “possess the land”!
Mary didn’t want to imagine anything about what that meant but she knew God loved her and had the best possible future for her if she would trust and hope in Him. It was getting too close to dinner time to fantasize anyways. The drive to Windsor to pick up Robin awaited her. Mary closed her Bible and left her meditations behind.
Later that day, much later, in the evening, in fact, she was listening to a song “When All is Said and Done” being sung by Robin Mark. She realized that the lyrics were speaking to her heart. Mary had been living for so long for herself and tonight she wanted nothing more than to gain back all the lost time she had wasted on herself and do it over. But that was not to be. She also longed for the happiness she was beginning to realize would only be found in God. She had felt it once long ago this evasive remedy to all of life’s woes.
It was on a road she often walked to school in Toronto. She had made her Confirmation that day and was journeying along upon a cloud of happiness. She never felt such joy or intimacy with God. In fact, she had never felt that way before. There were others Mary had known who felt God’s presence at a much younger age than she had. Mary thought to herself: “Perhaps my life would have been different if I would have known His presence at an earlier age.” But Mary realized that because her life had been so full of troubles that this possibility was distanced from reality by grief. As she sat listening to the music she recognized that when all was said and done the happiness she so desired in life was not in things, not in houses but in doing His will.
Nor was true happiness here on earth. And as the song played on she heard “You have shown me heaven’s my true home”. Yes, yes, this was it: heaven was her true home and the happiness she sought was there! Hadn’t her Jesus recently whispered in soft gentle words: that He went ahead to prepare a place for her and that His Father’s house had many mansions? Yes, He had.
All the desires of her heart were real but like her vision of her first dog they were a bit faulty and influenced by her flesh. “Oh, this lust of the flesh!” Mary cried to no one in particular. But it was a disgust that was short lived as Mary acknowledged that she was only human. Her salvation was being worked out even through this. Yet she knew that there would always be this battle of her flesh and spirit. Little by little her disgust of her old self was growing as God was creating this clean heart within her cleansing her of all her idols. She wanted to be rid of self altogether to serve God alone.
Yet, no matter what, Mary knew this one thing: life was only the journey to her heart’s desire: the home that awaited her on the other side. That is where true happiness was – with Him. Perhaps the elusive happiness she had been searching for in things, houses, and what have you was waiting for her someday. It was not here. And then suddenly Mary became aware of how she was feeling: she was happy and at peace! In that moment of truth Mary felt once again the gentle warmth of His sweet love as she had that day on the road so many years ago. Mary smiled to herself touched by His presence a foretaste of the future for the best was yet to come.
Even as she thought these thoughts another Robin Mark song entitled Soul’s Desire played and its lyrics spoke truth into the moment about her own life:
“I was wandering all my days from my Father’s House ... Love was calling out to me just to bring me home”
Mary had been wandering from Her Father searching for love “in all the wrong places”. Yes, it was true the best was yet to come but even now she could experience the bliss of His presence...even now she could experience happiness – in the presence of His love.
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