Satan's Lies

Mary had been in a dark place for about a month. She could not seem to break through into the light. Everything she did was a struggle. Depression hovered around Mary despite her best efforts at rebuking it and using all the Christian tools that should set her free.
She thought perhaps if she could identify what was at the core of this depression she would remain stuck. At first Mary thought the problem was her routine life which had become almost a prison to her. Mary had prayed ceaselessly for contentment. What Mary realized was that sometimes faith meant you just kept doing what you were doing despite your feelings. So she had continued on robotically walking through each day believing and trusting God despite her emotional discontent.
Day passed one into another. Life was speeding by at such an accelerated rate, Mary felt, as you got older. Looking in the mirror she saw new lines, more puffiness, and a toughness she didn’t like. She looked around at those other people in her age bracket. Some seemed to have retained a sense of youthful beauty but there were others like herself that life’s trials had toughened. It made Mary sad.
During this time Mary awoke one morning with a dream that reflected her personal attitude towards herself. It was a breakthrough. Despite the revelation it was painful for Mary to consider. Why, you might ask? Mary’s dream suggested that a part of her did not want to participate in life anymore because of its woundedness. The distressing thing Mary recognized from her dream was that the person responsible for her lesions was herself. She had long recognized that when no one else was around to do the job Mary was pretty good at inflicting pain upon herself.
However, this new insight displayed Mary’s fear of being vulnerable. A part of Mary did not want to participate in life for fear of being hurt more and more. Mary saw a repetition of failure after failure in which she was the one being hurt – by her own tendency to run from situations and individuals! She was the one that she looked at in the mirror and felt the shame and hurt from her own hands! No one else was there to do the damage but herself!
Now what? What could she do? What should she do to remedy this abusive tendency? Years of studying had taught Mary that the abused becomes the abuser! It was now evident that the abused was abusing herself in her reactions to people and places where she felt rejection or the potential of it. What was worse was that her dream revealed that a part of Mary had disengaged from this reality because it didn’t want to be hurt again!
When Mary looked in the mirror she saw coarseness there, a result of what she had inflicted upon herself. She had lost the gentleness she felt she once had in dealing with others and herself. No wonder she was running from herself! She didn’t like who she had become or how she was hurting herself and her self-image. There didn’t seem to be anyway out!
No wonder why she felt stuck and imprisoned in the rest of her life! She was caught in a struggle within herself! Of course, it seemed hopeless but Mary knew God had the answer for her. She was grateful for these fresh (albeit painful) insights. There was hope at the end of the tunnel, and that hope was in her God.
Grief filled Mary’s heart partially a result of this reflection and partially knowing that something had to die here and it might have to be the reactionary individual within her who continually felt threatened and fearful of making the right choices. A doubt-mindedness had developed that made Mary question every decision and every relationship she had. As a result, out of fear of making the wrong judgement Mary often would run from these situations and people and then return after a period. She didn’t like herself for doing this. What must people think when she hedged back and forth? Mary shook her head. The answer was not in a moment but would take God’s touch upon her. Mary would wait and wait she did.
Mary didn’t have as long to wait as she thought. The taste of God’s presence came in the mail that very same day! Some Joyce Meyer literature that arrived reminded Mary she was not” built for guilt”! Meyer referred to the fruits of this guilt as a “low-lying black cloud”! It was exactly the way Mary would have described her mood these last weeks. Mary realized that she had to stop focusing on all the things she saw wrong with herself and rejoice in the victories in her life, as Joyce suggested.
Mary had come a long way from the woman in Toronto to the woman she was now. She had not only survived but thrived during that time! The small package of mail from Joyce Meyer had encouraged Mary to fight back and see the good in herself. God had begun and continued to do a good work in her. Mary knew this. She was going to fight back! She wasn’t going to take this condemnation – for scripture promised there was now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus! She had got caught up in Satan’s lying. She would put a stop to this. With that Mary made a silent prayer. Thank you Lord for who I am, thank you. With that Mary realized the low-lying dark cloud had lifted! God had come. He had revealed the condemnation and lies Mary had come under. Mary breathed a sigh of relief.
The words of a scripture passage whispered softly in ear, Who shall separate us from the love of God.... and Mary replied just as softly, there is no one, not one, nothing that will separate me from your love, Lord. She smiled then, sat back in her chair, nourished by the these words and satiated by this love.