Just Like a Mother

According to Mary one of the worst occasions they have created to celebrate is Mother’s Day. Mary use to think it was just she, who was not a mother nor ever would be one, who suffered through this day.
However, lately she was learning what it is like from the other side. Friends and siblings, all mothers or children of some matriarch, often shared their grief in response to this “special” day. It seemed to Mary people were quick to judge those who had birthed them and not until they walked in those shoes or became wiser through life’s storms did they become more compassionate to their mother.
Mary realized there was not a person equal to the icon fabricated by the trite verses on all those beautiful mother’s day cards. How many times did Mary stand frustrated and tired of trying to find just the right card. Sometimes it was impossible to be that dishonest! Sometimes she had succumbed to the media’s hype and picked the prettiest sappiest card she could find. Her mother was always pleased!
Mary decided not being a mother was sometimes a good thing. She didn’t suffer through being unappreciated and condemned for having to carry the hard line while raising a child. Mary knew it must not be an easy thing to make sure your kids ate right, dressed right, and acted right without ruffling feathers. It was so much easier being an aunt or a good friend to some younger woman.
Mary had a few women in her life who had mothered her. One stood out and played that role while Mary was married to her first husband, Peter. Gwen had lived next door to Mary for those 22 years. Although Gwen had a husband and daughter of her own to care for she always made time for Mary. Especially after Gwen’s husband, Art, died there were special occasions that Gwen never let go by without making Mary aware that she cared –just like a mother.
When Mary went to university, although she was almost 40 and old enough to do it herself, Gwen was the one who spent time and took the subway downtown with Mary to show her where she was going and where her particular college was located – just like a mother.
When Mary would finish a semester Gwen would buy a card and a small gift and take Mary to lunch- just like a mother.
When Mary was too busy to phone or come for a visit Gwen would – just like a mother.
Mary remembered a weekend up at her cottage when she and her friend Sharon went up to paint. Gwen and her friend Sally tagged along and the four women had a hoot painting, drinking wine coolers and just having fun. Gwen could let her hair down!
When Gwen got sick with pneumonia at 80 years of age Mary would often visit her – just like a daughter.
During that time she sat by Gwen’s bed, brought her candy and flowers and held her hand – just like a daughter.
When they put her on machines to keep her alive Mary fought with Gwen’s family to let her go peacefully and whispered in Gwen’s ear, It’s okay, you can go now - just like a daughter.
When it was all over and done with Mary couldn’t bear to say goodbye so she went to the funeral parlour, politely paid her respect but avoided the funeral itself. Mary only wanted to carry away with her the lovely memories of this woman who substituted for a mother over the years when her own mother was absent or didn’t know enough what it meant to Mary to be a mother.
Other woman in more recent history had mothered Mary and she appreciated this. Her two sisters had shown the care and concern over the years. They nurtured Mary by always writing emails, sending cards and forgiving her – just like a mother.
Mary knew she herself had loved and mothered her nieces, spending time with them on holidays and in the summer months – just like a mother.
She had even loved and tended friends – just like a mother.
In recent days Mary’s life was filled with the furry feet, meowing cries, and wagging tales of 5 cats and two dogs. Mary nursed these babies, took them for walks, tucked them in and even chastised them when necessary– just like a mother.
When it came down to it, Mary realized, you didn’t need to have given birth to be a mother or receive the love of one. When it came down, when you birthed love, kindness, care in another you were- just like a mother.