After putting closure on chaplaincy Mary found herself becoming very emotional while dealing with the issue of co-dependency. The book Co-dependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps had drawn out a lot of anger from deep within Mary. It was anger directed at herself for repeating a mistake twice. Yes, twice!
As she had read through the fourth step God revealed to Mary a sin committed not only in her first marriage but in her second one as well! It was overwhelming. She knew when she left her first husband she had been set free from a bondage. She had been captive by her fear to this man for years. But she was captive because she believed without him she couldn’t survive. Though misguided in her view Mary trusted a man to look after, provide for, and make her feel secure. God revealed that He alone was the one that should be her provider. He alone was her security. Her sin was putting a trust in another man, a trust that belonged only to God. There was a price to pay though for having someone look after you. In Mary’s case the trade off was looking after his every need, being told what to do, and verbally abused in exchange. It seemed ironic to Mary that she trusted in a man to make her feel secure and provided for and it ended up she felt nothing but fear and oppression as she endured his abuse!
Worse than all this came the revelation that she had married Robin for the same reason: for provision and security. It was hateful and ugly. Mary felt terrible. She repented towards God, shared the Fifth Step with her mentor, Diane, and finally opened up to Robin. Robin had been struggling for days now with her anger. When Mary finally confessed to Robin she knew things would have to change. No longer would she or could she look after all his needs and sacrifice her own. Mary had found herself stuck once again just as in her first marriage because Mary had chosen to trust man for something God was responsible for and ultimately herself. The cost had been great. Robin had looked after her, worked very hard at his employment, and Mary took care of everything else. She had become chauffeur, maid, and cook. She had given up being responsible for her own life, looked after Robin’s needs just so she could be looked after and provided for and secure. Was she secure? Mary didn’t feel that way.
She knew that it had been really hard for them financially but now Mary saw it might be more a result of her sin in trusting in a man rather than God that was the cause of their monetary problems! Mary felt tired but knew the battle was not over. Mary had to be honest from here on in about what bothered her. She could not neglect speaking the truth because when she did she slipped into anger. She had to be open and admit her needs despite her fear of rejection by her husband.
It all could end in divorce anyways if her anger kept up. She would have to be transparent and honest with him from here on in. Mary was finding out this whole thing was pretty painful. Mary knew this book was a blessing and important for her development. But before the good fruit could come from it Mary would have to walk through the growing pains of speaking up, confronting, and speaking the truth in love.
The book’s effect was growing heavy on Mary’s shoulders. She felt her neck pinching between her shoulder blades. The thing Mary realized she had going for her was a fabulous husband and a God whom they both served. They would get through this together. She must pray more fervently. And she did. Psalm 23’s promise that though she walked through the valley of the shadow of death God was with her encouraged her. God was on her side. God was for her and not against her. She was a new creation and the old woman had passed away. All things were new and so Mary must trust things would be different this time. She had stayed 22 years in a marriage out of fear but it was a relationship that had no faith connection. This time it was different. This time Mary knew God was working on both Robin and her behalf.
Mary would trust this God who had been showing her for a long now how much He loved her. Things would be okay no matter how she felt right now. She would trust and have faith in a God who could and would deliver both her and her spouse form this captivity. Weary from the struggle Mary headed for the couch, turned the light off, and lay herself down for a rest. Today was all she could focus on, this moment was all that mattered, and she would take one day at a time. Anything more would be too much for her. With that thought on her mind she whispered the lyrics, “One day at a time, dear Jesus, one day at a time”. Soon she was fast asleep.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Closing the Door: Chaplaincy
Mary had done a Field Placement at Mimico Corrections followed by a three month CPE. A CPE is post-graduate curriculum for ministers who want additional training in pastoral care and chaplaincy. Mary worked with women during this time and young offenders. It was quite challenging and Mary found the fairer sex to be tougher to deal with than the men she had previously dealt with. It was during this period Mary was supervised by Joyce, another chaplain. She was also a nun. Mary was smoking at the time and was concerned how she was going to tell this woman of her addiction. What would she think?
However, on her very first day there Joyce and another student headed out the side doors of one of the units to have a cigarette. Mary was overjoyed and relieved. Joyce wasn’t so bad after all!
Anyways, the three months went by with the students meeting each morning. They would sit in group confronting one another about their encounters with the inmates they had dealt with the day before. As well, each weekend students would take turns doing a Sunday Service and then the other students would do a critique of it. It was brutal at times to deal with all the criticism.
What was worse was the day an inmate sexually approached Mary. Mary was more surprised than anything because she assumed if there ever was an attack it would come from the men. But it was a young teenage woman!
Joyce was very helpful and supportive of Mary dealing with the issue. She offered Mary the opportunity to be transferred to another cottage but Mary felt there were only a few weeks left and she could stick it out. Mary was tough that way and was determined to fight back.
Perhaps it was Mary’s resilience and ability to deal with the situation that drew Joyce’s respect. Anyways, after the three month training period was up Joyce approached Mary out of all her students. Joyce offered Mary a special opportunity. Next door to the women’s prison was a men’s correctional facility. The chaplain working there was going into the hospital for an operation and would be off for three months recovering. Joyce offered Mary the position. Joyce would continue working next door and would supervise and come for visits during the few months that Mary would do services, visit and counsel the inmates, and deal with the correction officers.
What started out as a three month stint however, ended up to last for five months as there were complications with the chaplains’ operation. Mary found herself enjoying her role and became more and more involved. She began to change things that later she realized she had no business changing. For Christmas she designed banners for the chapel to be made to replace the old rotted ones that were in storage.
However, Joyce was not happy with the design or the idea and Mary had to change the flag’s configuration to please Joyce. Mary had become proud and haughty after her successful university years. This privileged position became her downfall. She and Joyce had argued a few times and Mary realized afterwards she should have respected her authority more.
The result was that after 5 months the other chaplain returned to duty. At that time Joyce and he wanted Mary to take a CPE here at his prison where she had just officiated as a chaplain! It was very embarrassing to Mary to even consider doing this. It would be not only humbling but like going backwards. As well, after 7 years of school and training Mary felt she had nothing left in her to do anymore studies. She was burnt out. She just wanted to work in her field.
After she left the position Mary was lost. She tried to engage a response from the Chaplaincy Head office where she submitted her degrees and experiences. However, after two tries and no reply Mary felt a door close. Mary always felt that perhaps Joyce had somehow been involved in the silent treatment she received from Chaplaincy. Mary didn’t blame Joyce. Mary felt totally responsible for what had happened.
The doors had closed alright but here she was 10 years later with the issue unresolved, with regrets and grief. Mary decided to forgive herself for being proud and haughty. It was over now and she had to get on with it. Writing about it during this time helped Mary to see she must forgive and go on. She couldn’t live in regrets anymore.
But as she looked at her past she knew she had to do something significant to make an end to this era; but what? Only time would tell but Mary hoped she would do it soon so she could get on with her life.
As Mary looked at the past she was thankful for the gifts God had given her; she had been blessed with favour at university, during her training and even during those five months of leadership replacing the chaplain. She sat sighing and sorrowful but grateful to her God and whispered quietly, “Thank you, Lord, you have been good to me”. This reminded Mary of the promise that “all things work together for good for those who trust God”. She had held up this guarantee through the years when things didn’t always go well and she always saw a blessing in the end. She knew once again, though it had been 10 long years since it happened that God was true to his word. That even now after all this time all things would work out together for good for Mary. This she believed though it had been a decade since the whole thing happened.
After all, God had told her and she believed that he would restore the counsellors! He would restore her! It was at this moment Mary happened to hear the tail end of a broadcast on the radio. Some christian minister was sharing what God had done in his life after 8 years of waiting. It took that long but God did something wonderful to bless him after a difficulty he had gone through. Mary smiled at this and cried a little knowing that it takes time -sometimes - for all things to work together for good for those who trust God!
However, on her very first day there Joyce and another student headed out the side doors of one of the units to have a cigarette. Mary was overjoyed and relieved. Joyce wasn’t so bad after all!
Anyways, the three months went by with the students meeting each morning. They would sit in group confronting one another about their encounters with the inmates they had dealt with the day before. As well, each weekend students would take turns doing a Sunday Service and then the other students would do a critique of it. It was brutal at times to deal with all the criticism.
What was worse was the day an inmate sexually approached Mary. Mary was more surprised than anything because she assumed if there ever was an attack it would come from the men. But it was a young teenage woman!
Joyce was very helpful and supportive of Mary dealing with the issue. She offered Mary the opportunity to be transferred to another cottage but Mary felt there were only a few weeks left and she could stick it out. Mary was tough that way and was determined to fight back.
Perhaps it was Mary’s resilience and ability to deal with the situation that drew Joyce’s respect. Anyways, after the three month training period was up Joyce approached Mary out of all her students. Joyce offered Mary a special opportunity. Next door to the women’s prison was a men’s correctional facility. The chaplain working there was going into the hospital for an operation and would be off for three months recovering. Joyce offered Mary the position. Joyce would continue working next door and would supervise and come for visits during the few months that Mary would do services, visit and counsel the inmates, and deal with the correction officers.
What started out as a three month stint however, ended up to last for five months as there were complications with the chaplains’ operation. Mary found herself enjoying her role and became more and more involved. She began to change things that later she realized she had no business changing. For Christmas she designed banners for the chapel to be made to replace the old rotted ones that were in storage.
However, Joyce was not happy with the design or the idea and Mary had to change the flag’s configuration to please Joyce. Mary had become proud and haughty after her successful university years. This privileged position became her downfall. She and Joyce had argued a few times and Mary realized afterwards she should have respected her authority more.
The result was that after 5 months the other chaplain returned to duty. At that time Joyce and he wanted Mary to take a CPE here at his prison where she had just officiated as a chaplain! It was very embarrassing to Mary to even consider doing this. It would be not only humbling but like going backwards. As well, after 7 years of school and training Mary felt she had nothing left in her to do anymore studies. She was burnt out. She just wanted to work in her field.
After she left the position Mary was lost. She tried to engage a response from the Chaplaincy Head office where she submitted her degrees and experiences. However, after two tries and no reply Mary felt a door close. Mary always felt that perhaps Joyce had somehow been involved in the silent treatment she received from Chaplaincy. Mary didn’t blame Joyce. Mary felt totally responsible for what had happened.
The doors had closed alright but here she was 10 years later with the issue unresolved, with regrets and grief. Mary decided to forgive herself for being proud and haughty. It was over now and she had to get on with it. Writing about it during this time helped Mary to see she must forgive and go on. She couldn’t live in regrets anymore.
But as she looked at her past she knew she had to do something significant to make an end to this era; but what? Only time would tell but Mary hoped she would do it soon so she could get on with her life.
As Mary looked at the past she was thankful for the gifts God had given her; she had been blessed with favour at university, during her training and even during those five months of leadership replacing the chaplain. She sat sighing and sorrowful but grateful to her God and whispered quietly, “Thank you, Lord, you have been good to me”. This reminded Mary of the promise that “all things work together for good for those who trust God”. She had held up this guarantee through the years when things didn’t always go well and she always saw a blessing in the end. She knew once again, though it had been 10 long years since it happened that God was true to his word. That even now after all this time all things would work out together for good for Mary. This she believed though it had been a decade since the whole thing happened.
After all, God had told her and she believed that he would restore the counsellors! He would restore her! It was at this moment Mary happened to hear the tail end of a broadcast on the radio. Some christian minister was sharing what God had done in his life after 8 years of waiting. It took that long but God did something wonderful to bless him after a difficulty he had gone through. Mary smiled at this and cried a little knowing that it takes time -sometimes - for all things to work together for good for those who trust God!
Closing the Door: Undergraduate and Graduate Studies
Mary’s thoughts flew to different things that happened one after another. The catalyst to all this change, believe it or not, was the death of her friend Bobbie who had worked with Mary for a few years. The sorrow of the loss of this friend and her unfulfilled dreams created in Mary a desire to do something different in her life. She had worked at the gift business for over 14 years and owned her own store for 11 of those years.
In 1992 after Bobbie’s death she decided to close her gift shop and tea room. She hadn’t been sure initially what she would do until her long time friend Cheryl reminded Mary that she had always wanted to go to university. Cheryl had always been a greater supporter of Mary and was no different this time than any other. “Mary”, said Cheryl, “you are so smart, so much smarter than me and most people. You need to do this for yourself”.
Mary never realized anyone thought she was smart; after all she had been called stupid for most of her married life and had failed kindergarten! Perhaps going back to school would somehow help Mary with her handicap and insecurities. Mary was blessed. She realized that now as she thought of her friends words. It had been that encouragement and the reminder of the unfulfilled dream that helped Mary make the decision to close her business.
As Mary assessed the past she recognized her husband, Peter, was also supportive at the time. He not only helped her have a closing sale, but stayed behind after the store was dismantled to sell off anything that was not sold. There had been quite a bit of merchandise taking up dead air. As Mary continued her reflections she was also grateful that somehow during the 11 years of her business her husband had managed to put away money from her company. She wasn’t sure how but his foresight and wise money management enabled her to have finances for the next four years while she completed her first degree, her Bachelor of Arts.
Mary recalled the first day at York University where she did her undergraduate studies. It was a bit overwhelming and oddly enough her biggest fear was not about doing well but of getting lost! York was a huge campus with many small colleges scattered along green areas, ponds, and many cement paths! Mary was delighted to have chosen Stong College and though she didn’t spend much time there it had a lovely homey feel about it. Most of her classes took Mary all over campus and sometimes it took her 10 minutes to walk to a class!
Within a few weeks Mary found the local hang outs and study spots that most serious students locate in their desire for privacy. The first year Mary spent most of her spare time in the library trying to figure out the system. She photocopied half the documents in there along with purchasing all the required books on the syllabus.
Because of her many books Mary carried a huge backpack to transport them in. All her courses were full year semesters which were good in a way because she got to know her professors. Among her teachers she recalled an English professor the first year who was kind to her possibly because Mary was 39 when she went back to school. Mary had decided to major in English as she wanted to get into the journalism program but first she had to spend a year creating a portfolio of writings and poetry. These would be submitted at the end of this year and her work would be perused. However, though it was a dream for Mary to write someday it wasn’t going to happen because of the success she had at York. Rather, at the end of the year, because Mary was true to herself and wouldn’t be moulded into their writing style she was not accepted into their journalism program
At the time Mary was devastated and thought to herself: “What now”? Looking back Mary now Mary saw the hand of God at work in her life at the time. Mary had also taken a humanities course which she had done really well in. Her professor, Professor Ford, was studious and a hard marker. This just pushed Mary harder and she felt she had done well in his class. She had felt bad for this man for during the semester his son had died. Being older and more compassionate than the other students Mary had given him a sympathy card with her condolences. I don’t think Professor Ford expected this but somehow it softened his heart towards her. They actually got on speaking terms.
And so it was on that fatal day at the end of the year when she got the bad news about journalism that she happened to meet Professor Ford. As they walked and Mary shared her disappointment she was surprised to find him giving her encouragement and direction when she needed it most.
Professor Ford turned to her as they walked along the path from one college to another: “Mary, you shouldn’t be in Journalism at all. From what I see your gifted area is religion. I recognize it from your work in the humanities course you took with me. I think you should change your major to religion.”
With these words the hand of God directed Mary into the field that would ultimately lead her to do a Master of Divinity. The first year of her BA had been the most difficult, Mary realized now, because she had struggled with the writing program and getting back into the grind. Eventually she got the hang of it and became the best of students.
It was the second year where she excelled. Mary did very well with the introductory course in religion where once again she was under the tutelage of Professor Ford. She got an A+ in that course and most of her other course she managed to get A’s. While doing her second year she took another course in religion with a Professor Schneider. He had long thick wiry grey and black hair that flew everywhere and Jesus sandals which always showed his big toes that pierced through the tips of his socks. It was almost Christmas and this professor had managed to miss so many classes that he had to have all his students come in for a full day and make up for what they missed. Mary had found out by this time that the Professor had a household of children and a sick wife. At the time Mary decided to get him a gift for Christmas. Yes, you guessed it, socks. She had given a card with the package of socks with the inscription: to the holy man with holey feet! Somehow the gesture must have endeared Mary to this professor for he gave her an A in a course which she had struggled so hard in.
It was beginning to become more difficult for Mary to call herself stupid when she received bursaries, was inscribed on the dean’s list, and attained letters of congratulations on being amongst those with the highest grades. Through it all Mary realized how God’s hand of favour was upon her. They were difficult years but years of triumph culminating in her first nicely framed diploma that she is still proud of today. After all, it symbolized her victory over the lies Satan attacked her with throughout her life. She was not stupid after all!
It was after four years of undergraduate studies that Mary decided to go on to do Her Master of Divinity. An older rabbi directed the religious major students at York. He, in his kind and gentle way, wisely pointed Mary towards chaplaincy. The decision to do another degree was not so graciously accepted by Mary’s husband Peter because of the additional years of studying it would entail. There was also the specific focus Mary wished to devote her attentions to that scared her husband. Peter felt he couldn’t be there to protect Mary if she went ahead and started to work in Corrections.
However, Mary was drawn to this field because she was curious. Her father had spent years of his life in jails across Canada and his father before him. Within weeks of her decision she had already gone to see the chaplain at Mimico Corrections. Elizabeth, an intelligent and witty reverend was filled with all kinds of insights into those she prayed with and counselled. Mary liked her immediately and the chaplain was glad to have another volunteer to visit the inmates during the week.
Mary’s first visit had been quite frightening. When the doors locked behind her Mary wondered if she would ever get out! The guards were all business and very stern. There was no funning with them! However, after a few visits she got used to their ways, the noise of the doors shutting became familiar, and even the inmates were just men who had been caught in many of the acts people do regularly.
Those first few years of volunteering she learned she had many stereotypes of the incarcerated. In fact, she found out anyone and everyone whether educated or not could get themselves in trouble. She met men of many different social backgrounds, professions, and denominations. All of them treated her kindly and with respect. They didn’t get that many visitors!
Mary never knew exactly which cell her father had been incarcerated in. But she visualized what it might have been like for him. One thing became clear: often times these men were more educated when they got out than when they came in and that was not in a good thing. There were some very tough individuals and others that were not so tough. Mary felt sorry for them.
Eventually, as Mary continued in her education and had volunteered for a number of years Elizabeth allowed Mary to help out doing services on weekends. It was an extraordinary experience.
What became clear later on after it was all over was that prison was symbolic for Mary. She had felt imprisoned most of her married life. She was stuck in her marriage and didn’t feel she had any way out. Oddly, enough the one course in her master’s program that highlighted this metaphor was a course on Genesis she had taken.
At the time the professor expected the students to focus on one patriarch from their readings and do a skit on it. Mary was enamoured with the story of Joseph and his imprisonment and release. At the time of this course Mary and her husband split up. Mary recognized her own life had been one of confinement. She had lived in fear for years of this man but after 7 years of university Mary’s self-esteem had grown. In one moment of anger Mary had ended 22 years of abuse.
Doing the small drama on Joseph, Mary played the starring role. However, Mary had done more than play the main character. She had written all the lines for the other cast members, come up with the idea for the costumes and in the end had been awarded. Her professor had asked each student which person in their group had done the most work. Mary could only guess that they all had indicated that she had been responsible for exerting the most effort because the professor gave Mary an A+ for this course which was unheard of. A+’s were just not handed out at this level.
Those seven years of school not only set Mary free from the lies told her of her intelligence but also from a marriage and man who reinforced those lies. Mary had been set free. A new life began.
In 1992 after Bobbie’s death she decided to close her gift shop and tea room. She hadn’t been sure initially what she would do until her long time friend Cheryl reminded Mary that she had always wanted to go to university. Cheryl had always been a greater supporter of Mary and was no different this time than any other. “Mary”, said Cheryl, “you are so smart, so much smarter than me and most people. You need to do this for yourself”.
Mary never realized anyone thought she was smart; after all she had been called stupid for most of her married life and had failed kindergarten! Perhaps going back to school would somehow help Mary with her handicap and insecurities. Mary was blessed. She realized that now as she thought of her friends words. It had been that encouragement and the reminder of the unfulfilled dream that helped Mary make the decision to close her business.
As Mary assessed the past she recognized her husband, Peter, was also supportive at the time. He not only helped her have a closing sale, but stayed behind after the store was dismantled to sell off anything that was not sold. There had been quite a bit of merchandise taking up dead air. As Mary continued her reflections she was also grateful that somehow during the 11 years of her business her husband had managed to put away money from her company. She wasn’t sure how but his foresight and wise money management enabled her to have finances for the next four years while she completed her first degree, her Bachelor of Arts.
Mary recalled the first day at York University where she did her undergraduate studies. It was a bit overwhelming and oddly enough her biggest fear was not about doing well but of getting lost! York was a huge campus with many small colleges scattered along green areas, ponds, and many cement paths! Mary was delighted to have chosen Stong College and though she didn’t spend much time there it had a lovely homey feel about it. Most of her classes took Mary all over campus and sometimes it took her 10 minutes to walk to a class!
Within a few weeks Mary found the local hang outs and study spots that most serious students locate in their desire for privacy. The first year Mary spent most of her spare time in the library trying to figure out the system. She photocopied half the documents in there along with purchasing all the required books on the syllabus.
Because of her many books Mary carried a huge backpack to transport them in. All her courses were full year semesters which were good in a way because she got to know her professors. Among her teachers she recalled an English professor the first year who was kind to her possibly because Mary was 39 when she went back to school. Mary had decided to major in English as she wanted to get into the journalism program but first she had to spend a year creating a portfolio of writings and poetry. These would be submitted at the end of this year and her work would be perused. However, though it was a dream for Mary to write someday it wasn’t going to happen because of the success she had at York. Rather, at the end of the year, because Mary was true to herself and wouldn’t be moulded into their writing style she was not accepted into their journalism program
At the time Mary was devastated and thought to herself: “What now”? Looking back Mary now Mary saw the hand of God at work in her life at the time. Mary had also taken a humanities course which she had done really well in. Her professor, Professor Ford, was studious and a hard marker. This just pushed Mary harder and she felt she had done well in his class. She had felt bad for this man for during the semester his son had died. Being older and more compassionate than the other students Mary had given him a sympathy card with her condolences. I don’t think Professor Ford expected this but somehow it softened his heart towards her. They actually got on speaking terms.
And so it was on that fatal day at the end of the year when she got the bad news about journalism that she happened to meet Professor Ford. As they walked and Mary shared her disappointment she was surprised to find him giving her encouragement and direction when she needed it most.
Professor Ford turned to her as they walked along the path from one college to another: “Mary, you shouldn’t be in Journalism at all. From what I see your gifted area is religion. I recognize it from your work in the humanities course you took with me. I think you should change your major to religion.”
With these words the hand of God directed Mary into the field that would ultimately lead her to do a Master of Divinity. The first year of her BA had been the most difficult, Mary realized now, because she had struggled with the writing program and getting back into the grind. Eventually she got the hang of it and became the best of students.
It was the second year where she excelled. Mary did very well with the introductory course in religion where once again she was under the tutelage of Professor Ford. She got an A+ in that course and most of her other course she managed to get A’s. While doing her second year she took another course in religion with a Professor Schneider. He had long thick wiry grey and black hair that flew everywhere and Jesus sandals which always showed his big toes that pierced through the tips of his socks. It was almost Christmas and this professor had managed to miss so many classes that he had to have all his students come in for a full day and make up for what they missed. Mary had found out by this time that the Professor had a household of children and a sick wife. At the time Mary decided to get him a gift for Christmas. Yes, you guessed it, socks. She had given a card with the package of socks with the inscription: to the holy man with holey feet! Somehow the gesture must have endeared Mary to this professor for he gave her an A in a course which she had struggled so hard in.
It was beginning to become more difficult for Mary to call herself stupid when she received bursaries, was inscribed on the dean’s list, and attained letters of congratulations on being amongst those with the highest grades. Through it all Mary realized how God’s hand of favour was upon her. They were difficult years but years of triumph culminating in her first nicely framed diploma that she is still proud of today. After all, it symbolized her victory over the lies Satan attacked her with throughout her life. She was not stupid after all!
It was after four years of undergraduate studies that Mary decided to go on to do Her Master of Divinity. An older rabbi directed the religious major students at York. He, in his kind and gentle way, wisely pointed Mary towards chaplaincy. The decision to do another degree was not so graciously accepted by Mary’s husband Peter because of the additional years of studying it would entail. There was also the specific focus Mary wished to devote her attentions to that scared her husband. Peter felt he couldn’t be there to protect Mary if she went ahead and started to work in Corrections.
However, Mary was drawn to this field because she was curious. Her father had spent years of his life in jails across Canada and his father before him. Within weeks of her decision she had already gone to see the chaplain at Mimico Corrections. Elizabeth, an intelligent and witty reverend was filled with all kinds of insights into those she prayed with and counselled. Mary liked her immediately and the chaplain was glad to have another volunteer to visit the inmates during the week.
Mary’s first visit had been quite frightening. When the doors locked behind her Mary wondered if she would ever get out! The guards were all business and very stern. There was no funning with them! However, after a few visits she got used to their ways, the noise of the doors shutting became familiar, and even the inmates were just men who had been caught in many of the acts people do regularly.
Those first few years of volunteering she learned she had many stereotypes of the incarcerated. In fact, she found out anyone and everyone whether educated or not could get themselves in trouble. She met men of many different social backgrounds, professions, and denominations. All of them treated her kindly and with respect. They didn’t get that many visitors!
Mary never knew exactly which cell her father had been incarcerated in. But she visualized what it might have been like for him. One thing became clear: often times these men were more educated when they got out than when they came in and that was not in a good thing. There were some very tough individuals and others that were not so tough. Mary felt sorry for them.
Eventually, as Mary continued in her education and had volunteered for a number of years Elizabeth allowed Mary to help out doing services on weekends. It was an extraordinary experience.
What became clear later on after it was all over was that prison was symbolic for Mary. She had felt imprisoned most of her married life. She was stuck in her marriage and didn’t feel she had any way out. Oddly, enough the one course in her master’s program that highlighted this metaphor was a course on Genesis she had taken.
At the time the professor expected the students to focus on one patriarch from their readings and do a skit on it. Mary was enamoured with the story of Joseph and his imprisonment and release. At the time of this course Mary and her husband split up. Mary recognized her own life had been one of confinement. She had lived in fear for years of this man but after 7 years of university Mary’s self-esteem had grown. In one moment of anger Mary had ended 22 years of abuse.
Doing the small drama on Joseph, Mary played the starring role. However, Mary had done more than play the main character. She had written all the lines for the other cast members, come up with the idea for the costumes and in the end had been awarded. Her professor had asked each student which person in their group had done the most work. Mary could only guess that they all had indicated that she had been responsible for exerting the most effort because the professor gave Mary an A+ for this course which was unheard of. A+’s were just not handed out at this level.
Those seven years of school not only set Mary free from the lies told her of her intelligence but also from a marriage and man who reinforced those lies. Mary had been set free. A new life began.
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