Mary’s Ichabod

Week had followed week as Mary did everything in her power to lessen the load of stuff they would eventually have to move from their house to the cottage when they finally sold. But it had not sold. There had not even been one interested party. It was too bad because the place was beginning to look fresh and airy.
As things began to elapse into a endurance race Mary began to become desperate and do all that she knew spiritually to do. She had spent days on in just praising and thanking God for everything she could think of. She had written litanies of praise on paper to try to encourage a response from God. She had tried to be positive quoting scripture after scripture, in faith, hoping these would be the thing to get her prayer answered and open the door. But still no one enquired about the house and no one came.
In desperation Mary and Robin reduced the price of their home hoping this would attract potential buyers. But nothing helped. It was all beginning to get to Mary. She was teased into going on by small enticing words of encouragement she heard here and there. Among them were the words of a minister speaking of something unrelated who said “be ready and prepared”. Mary had grabbed hold of that believing that was an exhortation specifically for her! All these things kept her going until a day or so ago.
In her spirit she began to recognize the whisper of the Holy Spirit. His still small voice began to breathe afresh into her heart. It began with a message involving keeping one self pure from idols. Certainly, Mary had related to that one and initially believed the idols in her life had all been taken care of when she got rid of all the “things” at her yard sale. But it seemed that God was suggesting she had more idols she had not disposed of. Mary had looked around and with each look disposed of more layers of things that filled her house.
This did not satisfy her and Mary felt God was still indicating there were more idols to go. The whisper was soft and sweet as it sighed out the words “the cottage”. “No, thought Mary to herself, no it couldn’t be” and she chose not to listen to it. But it was incessant.
Then the Holy Spirit began to convict Mary, ever so gently, about selfishness, about what would bring God glory and a life separated for God. Mary was hard pressed to find anything about buying this cottage that would bring God glory and that would be in service to him. Then it hit her like a lead pipe. It was a great “thud” that hit upon her heart as she realized Jesus’ great commission to preach to the whole world might not be possible hidden away from the world in a cottage.
Still Mary had chosen to convince herself that the dream was of God and so it all had to be possible. The final murmur of the Holy Spirit began like some small seaside lap of water trickling over rocks at shore that turned into a tidal wave of reality that swallowed up the whole idea of this dream home. In an instant Mary’s dream had dissipated much like the homes at Katrina had broken apart and floated along leaving their owners homeless.
Mary had been listening to a speaker on the radio for a week speaking of God’s presence leaving a church or place. Mary had felt the glory of God had gone out of her life. The minister had been using the test of 1 Samuel 4 and a story of a battle between the Israelites and the Philistines. The Israelites had chosen to fight this battle without checking with God. In their desperation to win a second battle, after being defeated in the first, they went and retrieved the Ark of the Covenant. However, their attitude stunk. They were using the ark like a talisman to gain a win. Their actions showed how far the Israelites had strayed from God. They were not in God’s will and they were using the ark to get their own way.
Mary was struck down with conviction. She had been looking to any sign or symbol to propel her forward in moving into this new home. She had been like the Israelites quoting scripture, praising God and using everything she heard as support in her end to gain what she wanted.
But that day she had to ask herself “Was this what God wanted for her or her life? “ Then she was finally able to admit that she, perhaps, in her humaneness had rushed ahead of God without asking Him what He wanted. Then the heaviness of the repercussions of it all hit her like an aftershock. If this wasn’t God’s will then “What?” and the what echoed around her in all her empty rooms, her cleaned out garage, and the vision of the cottage that suddenly began to grow dimmer and dimmer with only an outline of a rooftop floating down river out of sight and apparently out of her life.
Was there any reason to ask God if the cottage was His will for her life? It didn’t seem necessary to Mary. She had gone on ahead of God without asking. All around her was the debris left in her choice made without God and His glory had gone.
Yet Mary was determined to retrace her steps and go to the foot of the cross and ask God what He thought at this point. She would have to be satisfied with the answer He gave her. Was it desperation? No. What was it then? What it was had been, finally, what she should have done originally: made an attempt to show God the respect and love she should have given Him in the first place. Hadn’t God drawn her into a greater intimacy all these years that demanded He be a Number One priority in all her decisions? Yes.
Despite what Mary felt would be the answer she no longer felt presumptuous enough to pretend she could read God’s mind. She would take the matter up in her prayer time with her husband Robin. It was the way they started every day together and this day would be no different. Mary may have been a little discouraged at herself but she knew God’s love enough to know that no matter what “all things worked together for good for those who trusted God” and this occasion was no different. So despite the sadness she felt at disappointing God and the letdown of a possible burst bubble Mary was determined to trust God no matter. So she would pray and ask God’s will in the matter and then wait and see. With this thought in mind Mary got up from her morning coffee and went forward for the day glad she had finally heard from God through all the whispering the Holy Spirit had been doing. God loved her despite her failings and yes, despite even this last faux pas.