My Confession

August 1st, 2012 Dear Peter, siblings, nieces and nephews and to all whom this is concerned I find it ironic that as I sit to write this note Peter that it is close to what would have been our 37th anniversary. Perhaps this is the gift you never got, Peter, and which I should have shared years ago. But I was not ready then for God to reveal to me my own sin. However, as I have grown and spent more time with my Savior I have found the closer I get to him the more my weaknesses are revealed. Who can come into His presence unless He sanctifies and cleanses them? In fact, Psalm 15:1 asks this question: Who shall abide in thy tabernacle? Who shall dwell in thy holy hill? The answer to that close intimacy with God is in the passage itself. For it goes on to share that “the man that walks upright and does righteousness and speaks the truth in his heart” shall there abide. On the other hand it infers those who won’t abide or dwell in God’s tabernacle is the one who “backbites/ slanders with his tongue, or does evil to his neighbour or casts a slur upon his neighbour”. Perhaps these words mean nothing to you and if they seem at all religious, forgive me. I have been accused of preaching before and that is not my intention here. Please bear with me one and all. This morning, I recognized something, Peter; in my wound-ness and hurt, that I was guilty of speaking badly of you after we separated. I was angry and very hurt. This does not justify my attitude and words that were slanderous and would have cast a slur upon you. Making judgements are usually based on truth but we are not to judge! We are to speak highly of one another. I did not. I came to realize this through my big sister Theresa. She always had a good word to say about you. I knew she was right. It might have irritated me at the time but she was right. I knew you to be good in so many ways: you loved your family and looked after them and only wanted the best for them. You thought that was your job and you fulfilled that role. You were generous to me and even more so after we separated. I loved the cottage. It was the best gift you ever gave me. Thank you for that and the many gifts you plied me with. You were also wonderful with my family as you knew your responsibility extended to them as well. I for my part must ask them all to forgive me for not being as responsible as you are. You are still sending money in the mail. I heard about your gift to young Brian. How sweet that is. You were also good to our nieces and during those years when Mary was in the hospital you allowed my sister and her family to come and stay with us. Every year you blessed all of us when Martha, Bill, and the girls would come at Christmas and during the summer. Your biggest kindness was taking me and our nieces to Florida and giving us all such wonderful memories. I do hope the girls’ recall, with love, all you did for them. I do. Thank you Peter for being such a good uncle to them all. Your life with me mattered, Peter. It had good fruits. I see it when I hear your niece Kathy came to you for advice. Michaela would possibly not be here if not for your forwardness. All of us were blessed by you and I, for my own sake, know I am who I am today because of your effect on me both good and bad. I am much more assertive, thanks to you. I am much more caring for others, thanks to you. I am who I am because of those 22 years of marriage. I thank God for who I am today and I know no matter what happened I had no right to talk poorly of you. I know what that feels like. I am truly sorry. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. And all of you, dear family, I hope you can forgive me for saying anything negative about the man I married and that you all loved. I pray it is erased in your hearts and this letter leaves you with good and kind thoughts of Peter. Please remember us both in your prayers. God bless you, Peter and God bless all of you, my family. Margaret